Don't play with it

OH! P.S. My friend Sher did a beautiful post on this(the photo shoot), describing St. George's and the route to get there in a very picturesque way.. So if you're local and feel like having a quiet reminder about where we live check it out... and if you're tourist, check her blog out as she paints a beautiful picture with her words.



And for you conservationists...how many of you actually regarded that tree in Willis with great reverence. I never did much follow up on it. I know, I know, I'm a horrible local. However, I heard the residents of the area were complaining about it being an eye sore and then it collapsed. Why is it everything ancient, old, vintage, traditional, historic is an eye sore and needs to be done away with but traditional values which we're clinging onto as a nation that don't work anymore we don't want to let go of?

Jamaica had their silk cotton tree that was one of their tourist attraction (Tom Cringle's Cotton Tree I believe). Guyana had their silk cotton tree that could not be cut down to build a road so they had to build around the tree in Perseverance on the East Coast. As Caribbean territories there's so much folklore surrounding everything that's ancient and old. I remember my mom used to tell me stories about Guyana and that the reason why the trees are so hard to cut down is because the Dutch plantation owners would bury their overseers or someone alive with their money and treasures to protect it. As a result, the spirits linger around the tree. I love telling the story about the tree in Guyana because I like that kind of stupidness/folklore. I like no better fun. She, my mom, even went on to say that long after every time someone would try to cut down the tree, that was in the middle of the road, they would die in the process or soon after and the one time they got a cut in, the tree bled blood. Hence, they built around the tree. Heck, I would build around it too. The original tree fell and a seedling grew back in its place...Mom also said the folklore with silk cotton trees is that you walk by them at night because of all the spirits lingering...

Sher was telling me the folklore is similar here. She knows the local tale as don't walk past at noon nor midnight or else 'booboo gon grab you.' She outlines the tale pretty well... and even if you've never seen the tree I do encourage you to check out her post because it's so well written you can feel looming presence of the tree and the heat of the midday sun as she describes walking past it.

The depressing story is... the tree is no longer there. Funny story is, she said locally, because of all the folklore  it's hard to find someone willing to cut down a silk cotton tree. The irony is, they cut it. Not all the way down because "the tree supports the road." I don't know... they weren't thinking that all the time? They could've trimmed it or something. What if the tree dies now and collapses? Then self its real problems in camp.

And aside from that. It was a landmark.

...And when we did [the passing bus], almost like slow motion, i say almost because it was never slow enough, i took it all in, how thick the trunk was, how wrinkled and just how deep set those wrinkled WERE. I marveled at how high it stood, how far back it leaned like a tired but accomplished grandmother in her easy chair, sitting on her stoop, watching the neighborhood children walk past, their hands tightly clasped in their parents hands...remembering effortlessly when their parents were kids and their grandparents were parents....

...I breathed in the air that surrounded it and wondered, like I’d always wondered. What was the air like in this spot 200 years ago? Who stood at the base of this tree 200 years ago? Was it a slave hating it for what it stood for? Or one appreciating it for it’s merciful shade and lack of judgment? Who stood here 100 years ago? Was it a young couple courting? Was it a teacher and his or her students trying to escape the heat of the classroom? Who stood here 50 years ago? Who was she? Who was he? What did they think of this tree? Or more importantly…what did the tree think of them? Did it smile down at them? Resent them? What had it seen? So so much it must have seen!

Sher's Blog... Click here to see the rest of the post 

'Booboo gon hold you under the Silk Cotton Tree'

I concur. Imagine how many stood before the same tree admiring it throughout history? The same tree we can't cut down fast enough.

C'est tout.
Enjoy.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine posted on fb that the thing that destroys lives the most are two words in the English language............... "They say"

I remember chuckling to myself and hitting the "like" button, and wishing I could hit it multiple times because that is indeed true. People's commentary. There is always someone with information to carry be it "he say/she say/they say" so that "ah hear that..." can work as a starter.

How does it destroy lives? Because it leads to uncertainty. In a situation where a modicum of doubt existed, the smallest dash of "they say..." is all that is needed to make that modicum grow. Sometimes the doubt is valid, sometimes it's not. It's all a matter of perception. And of course, thus far in all our lives, we've had instances where our perceptions have misled us into hasty decisions or actions or assumptions. For example, the simple mistaken identities where you swear you see your friend walking ahead, and when you get closer you realize it's the wrong person. Or, post-scary movie, every sound and shadow is converted to "must-be-real" imagery from the movie. The list goes on and on, but this isn't a post about perception.

This is a post about uncertainty. Therefore, due to some rather amusing events that I'm sure I'll look back and chuckle to myself about, I retract my words. "They say" isn't the most dangerous thing - doubt is. "They say" means nothing in a situation where doubt doesn't exist. Thus, leading to trust.

The most important, defining moment, is trust. How much do you trust me?

I've had my share of small scale "he say/she say" recently. I also realize how easy it is to get caught up with it and try to rectify something. But you can't really stop that ball from moving. What you can do, however, is focus on that which you trust and have control over...

There will always be people's commentary. It's up to you to figure out what you need to know and whether you actually know it. If you do, that commentary would mean naught. If you don't, get ready for the roller-coaster doubt ride.


Shelli out.

P.S. I just realized the smell of mosquito coils brings me back to childhood memories of my babysitter. Hmm... and "they say" scent is the most powerful memory trigger....lol

I was just having the most interesting conversation with Donald.... well somehow we always end up on some obscure heavy topic but yea...

So we're talking about swearing for loved ones and cheating.

I always remember my dad telling me that he hates to get involved in people's business. Often he knows things, and despite knowing he'd say nothing, and if you came and told him he would act like he doesn't know.... Because he chooses not to get involved or part-take. As it relates to relationships, he continued with his theory that if the couple is happy as they are, why ruin it? Many times, a relationship is going good for the most part, and some concerned third party brings news of an outside affair, and the relationship falls apart and both parties end up miserable and heart broken. Therefore, by bringing news - have you really done a good thing?

Now by no means am I saying that I condone cheating. I can't even directly say that I wouldn't want to know. I'm a strange individual. In my short history of relationships, cheating (on me) has been consistent. But I've also been a rather paranoid person as well. First time I was young and uncertain of what a relationship was and if I understood what it meant to be in one. Second time I had trust issues, 3rd party issues and the notion of cheating falls into an arguably grey overlapping area. And the last guy... stupes.. the last guy should not have happened to begin with. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and you're not the great sorcerer Merlin so you can't miraculously change it to a cute, lovable, fluffy puppy - there's just certain things you don't do. And in each situation, I walked. I was sad for a lil' while, but that didn't stop the block and delete from my life process that ensued. I'm great friends now with both of my ex-es (the ones that count as people worth noting) but that's after an extended period of them ceasing to exist in my mind.

Had I not found out? Would things be different?

First of all, if you wanna be a player you have to know to play the game. Neither party really knew what they were doing, left enough traces unintentionally uncovered. And I have a way of finding things out. But let's say either was meticulous. That I wasn't distrustful or potentially unhappy... Let's assume that I was beaming from cheek to cheek almost everyday. Ok... so I was sometimes... That I was the best gf I could be, and treated my bf with respect, trust, etc... And they treated me similarly. There were no real foreseeable issues. Nothing that would make me remotely suspect a single thing.

And I know relationships like this... where the guy undergoes meticulous effort to cover every single base and have at least 3 circumstantially valid pre-planted potential "hunny I told you about this before..." explanations. The girl is happy. The guy is happy. (This is a very generalized he, her, him, girl, boy, guy now...not meant to be taken as an actual individual per se but an example) He doesn't cheat for lack of love and respect. He cheats because he can actually. Perhaps, because he thinks so highly of his gf that he doesn't want to do certain things with her because he doesn't want to see her in a too dirty light. Perhaps, because it's a long distance relationship.

He carefully chooses a cheating partner to eliminate the potential of information slippage... Reinforces the purely physical aspect of the "relationship" and that no one would take the place of his gf, especially not the cheat partner.

However, regardless the reason... The girl is happy in her ignorance. He's an integral part of her world. Helps her to be a better person.. all that good stuff. Likewise, the guy loves the girl to bits and pieces and shows her every chance he can - but cheats on the down low. Takes the time and effort to do it in such a way that her character is not compromised... or vice versa...

Now the third party comes in to do a favor and tell the trusting girl that her happy bubble needs prompt popping. The bubble gets popped, and all parties end up miserable. Or... in some instances, the couple look beyond it, forgive the cheating party and move on beyond the incident.

What would be the point? The value of such? If the people are happy in their existing situation, why should you get involved? What's in darkness will come to light eventually.. and if it doesn't, then oh well - it wasn't meant to.

By no means am I saying that I condone cheating... I'm just saying... If you know, chances are they probably do too... And if they don't know, is it really your part to get involved?



***

And as we continued the convo with regards to your value as a person in the relationship and stuff. I have mixed views. I'm opinionated, stubborn and sometimes...or most times.. in certain situations.. uncompromising unless I can be convinced that my stance is founded on false premises and yours is plausible.

I'm learning to try to always remember your value as a partner in any relationship. Be it a friendship, romance, etc. Everyone brings something to the table. If you're doing your part, being the best friend, gf, bf, whatever... that you could be sincerely and the other party is taking it for granted or decides they should want to leave. Let them.

Always remember your value. In the end, most times, they realize what they've lost and would come back. Always think of yourself, and everyone in your life as special and treat them accordingly. Everyone is special. And... if you lose any of those ones... you'd be losing a good thing. And most likely, you'd live to regret it.

I've had people list me as regrets (of having lost). My ex-es did say as much post-breakup, years later... I've had friends that have said as much as well (of course on a platonic level). Likewise, I have my list of people I regret losing that I ponder from time to time. I have moments where I re-think breakups... and I can't think of a person more absolute than me when I start to walk, so pride alone stops me from turning back after all my huffing and puffing.

Anyways... it's getting late and I'm forgetting the point of this post.

In conclusion, the main points I hope I made was that.. while cheating is not a good thing and should not be condoned, ignorance does equal bliss sometimes. And cheating doesn't necessarily mean you don't love the person - it could simply mean you're momentarily distracted by a shiney, new toy so to speak. Also, never forget your value as a person or ever forget you're special regardless, and treat others accordingly.

Shelli out.

So I've been having the most absurd, amusing day ever...

Firstly, don't laugh too much or perk your eyebrows so much so that they hit your hairline, I got out of the car, grabbed my laptop. Walked to the bus stop to wait for the bus..................................................

............................and then realized I forgot my school bag in the car.

Who................... does that?! I mean aside from me.... but this is totally a one off experience... But.......How is that even possible?

Then I bounced into someone I stopped talking to a while now... hmmm....

Whatever man. Doesn't really put me out I guess...It's all inconsequential anyways... And if it isn't, as Dean Koontz would say -- There's always cake.

Natti saw it coming a thousand miles away.......regardless of what happens as of consequence.

I. Want. To. Go. Out. Grrrrrr.....

Whoever said change is never a waste of time is an idiot?

I don't know who could possibly find enjoyment in the uncertainty in the gap space between each transition. It's like jumping across a platform but pondering in the single moment in between the possibility of not landing your jump. And ... Somehow, it's in those gap spaces that Murphy's law tends to apply most.

***


Life Lesson #8 : Change happens whether you like/want/need/hate it or not.

So standing in that little gray area that seems to be my temporary place of residence as everything is up for analysis... I'm not even certain to what extent I trust my own opinions because I've been around long enough and lived through enough repeated instances to finally learn that....

....Sometimes my opinion isn't actually the most objective one, especially the closer the situation relates to me. I realize that the closer something gets to one the more it's justified and rationalized into something else, something more acceptable because perhaps, it just hurts to see it any other way.

I also realize I'm not going to change this way of thinking anytime very soon, although I sincerely think I'm trying.

Sometimes, you just want something so badly you're willing to put a (couple) extra coating of gloss of the picture just to distract you from the flaws in the image. You're willing to look at the "bigger picture" and conceptualize that someday it shall manifest itself into reality.

I remember once hearing that sometimes we try to hold together what God is trying to pull apart. We ignore the red flags, avert our gazes and continue to carry on a pretense. When the inevitable happens and the situation becomes impossible to ignore we revert to depression and disorientation because "we can't possibly understand how it happened...how could we have missed the signs..?!" etc etc, yea yea yea.

You know how something gets explained to you and it makes near perfect, plausible sense in the moment of being said? Then you walk off, and think about it, and ...really and truly it hardly makes any real sense?

Sooo... now I'm wondering if I'm making the same mistakes again. Perhaps my attitude of tolerance needs to be adjusted because I'm ok with too much... Perhaps the situation at hand is as different as I think it is... Perhaps, they are all one and the same. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps. Only time will tell anyways... I'm so impatient. I think I shall invest in a lie detector. That'll make my job easier. I'll know when I'm lying to myself, and when others are lying to me.

And seeing that I know myself well enough to know I'm too lazy to bother to go on such a hunt... I know I'll end up doing what I always do - fortunately or unfortunately - waiting it out.

The only difference this time is that I've learned to ask questions, instead of just waiting around for the answers...

***

I'm so sleepy... I think I'll take a catnap before my next class.

Shelli out.

***



***

R&S

Girl says (5:04 PM):
lol
i made poli sci my b*tch today

Boy says (5:04 PM):
seems like someone's turning out to be quite the young lady

Girl says (5:04 PM):
and i tapped that a** on the table
LOL

Boy says (5:05 PM):
well scratch that young lady comment, more like young pimp but I guess somehow it equates

Girl says (5:05 PM):
lol
i blame boondocks

Boy says (5:06 PM):
your new rave eh

Girl says (5:07 PM):
lol i blame my cousin

Boy says (5:07 PM):
and he's the supplier to your new drug

Girl says (5:10 PM):
damn straight

Boy says (5:11 PM):
tsk and to think some people thought it was the American culture that would change you

***

Shelli out for now.

I know I promised a post... I know I promised myself an awesome post... BUT I got caught up painting and I've been super tired. I had two Biology quizzes (Monday and today), a Political Science exam (yesterday), and a Business exam coming up on Friday. It's been hectic...

However, I will make a special concerted effort to write my post that I wanted to do today, tomorrow before the ideas leave my mind.

Oh. I found the most blissful song by Dido. It's called 'See you when you're 40'. I shall post the lyrics and the video at the end of this post, if you're so interested in hearing/reading the lyrics. It's calming and self-explanatory. It's one of those post-event songs where she realizes and sees for the first time all the real flaws that existed, without the hopeful glasses altering her vision.

It made me smile. Dido was tonight's inspirational painting music.

My progress thus far...



At the end, it's going to be two lily flowers in a pond/swamp. The motivation for this piece is based on some ideas I've been posting recently, ie, life is but a swamp with lilies. Or rather, we should aspire to be like lilies in this life. A lily grows despite the ugliness that surrounds it and blossoms into a beautiful flower. We too, like the lily, should make an effort to not bend to the world's evil ways, and strive to be good, and blossom like the lily despite the adversities faced on this journey.

This piece has been taking longer than expected. I started it over the weekend, and I didn't like how it was coming out. However, for the mere fact that I'm doing it on canvas, and I don't want to "waste" a whole canvas sheet... I decided to slow down and take my time. It's not a race...right?

When finished it's going to be my largest oil painting thus far (18 x 24) and also my first painting, oil or acrylic, on canvas since I've been in the States. I have a few oil pieces on canva-paper... and I've been trying to make a special effort to diligently upload pics of my work.

Check it out if you get a chance... My artwork collection blog is called 'I Hope You Take a Piece of Me with You..." and I'm willing to do commissions... If you know someone or you personally would like something done... don't hesitate to email me or something. ( shell.e@gmail.com)

Well, before this post becomes much longer than initially intended and its length registers in my brain... and I start to rationalize typing my original post at this ridiculous hour... I shall depart.

Muah.
G'nite NY & Grenada... and where ever else my readers are from.
Shelli out.



"See you when you're 40" Dido

I've driven round in circles for three hours
It was bound to happen that I'd end up at your
I temporarily forgot there's better days to come
I thought that I would give it just one more chance

Cos' I want, tonight, what I've been waiting for
But I found, tonight, what I'd been warned about

You think that you are complicated, deep mystery to all
Well it's taken me a while to see, you're not so special
All energy no meaning, with a lot of words
So paper thin that one real feeling, could knock you down

And I've seen, tonight, what I'd been warned about
I'm gonna leave, tonight, before I change my mind

So see me when your 40, lost and all alone
being comforted by strangers you'll never need to know
not sad because you lost me
but sad because you thought it was cool to be sad

You think misery will make you stand apart from the crowd
well if you had walked past me today I wouldn't have picked you out
I wouldn't have picked you out

now I've seen, tonight, how I could waste my time
and I'll be on my way, and I won't be back
cos I've seen, tonight, what I've been warned about
your just a boy, not a man, and I'm not coming back

I think I just like to think too deeply about unthinkable things.

That's my problem... yes yes... I just like to think too much.

Ever feel out of your element but not quite? Ever feel like there's so much more you could be doing, but you're doing what you can... and it still doesn't feel like enough?

There's so much I want to achieve this term... Adjusting back to college is... well it's awkward being on the other side of the classroom now. I find myself even more quiet in the classroom not because of shyness but for the reason of not wanting to offend the professor when things are said that make my eyebrows raise... Or perhaps, in some instances, it is shyness because I feel as if I should know the material already even though I never did it before - because I was a teacher, regardless that I never taught the subject or desired at the point of initial college days to do the subject.

And I still don't know what I really want to do.

I wanted to be a lawyer so badly... but now it just seems like a nice big compromise to my principles, of course it would depend on what area of law I go into... but yea.

oOOoOoo... I'm going to practice being a Life Coach. My godsister Devian, wants me to come practice with her church's youth group. I've been invited to come give a talk when I so desire and am ready.

I have a paper to write on the legalisation of Gay marriages, whether or not it's a violation of the constitutional rights and etc etc. Oh joy.



Anyways, that ends my mini-morning Sunday rant.

Only positive vibrations for the rest of the day..

Shelli out.

Every day I wake up.. well recently... I look around and wonder *minus a couple expletives* how I got here.

I mean... I squint my eyes. I tilt my head. I put on my glasses. I squint my eyes some more. I tilt my head the opposite direction. I slap my cheeks in the untimely (but fortunate) event that I'm dreaming... AND then I realize and go..."Dang...chile..." *blink blink* "How the HELL did I reach here?"

Then I switch gears to DILLIGAF mode, gather my things, roll through with hater blockers. Or perhaps not entirely with the hater blockers, but the mere conscious thought of acting is if I am wearing a pair. An effort to rise above the preconceived stares and questioning glances. An effort to rise above and swim up to the surface of this rising flood and take that gulp of fresh air.

Show my new profound understanding of what it means to have self-preservation instincts to kick in. Only the strong survive right? And like Sara Bareilles said "head underwater, and they tell me, breathe easily for a while. Breathing gets harder - even I know that."


***

So I proceed to walk along on my journey. Believe me I'm stumbling... oh how I stumble. BUT the important thing is that I'm moving. The important thing, the imperative bottom line is that there's movement forward. A centimeter, a millimeter, an inch... it's still a fraction away from where I once was.

I believe all these past couple months have made me more spiritual. *gasp* I'm having serious notions of going to church. *bigger gasp*.

I've philosophizing a lot... Replaying the past events, reconnecting dots, re-concluding conclusions... I believe that I am right with my beliefs, even if not 100% more than 50% right... about every shade of gray that added to the dreariness of the situation. Now every thought, and every word, and every recollection pieces itself together like links in a chain, strengthened by the minute, strengthening my resolve to get up.

Yes I believe it's official. The nail, the pain in my backside, finally hurts enough for me to get up and do something about it... rather than sit and wallow and complain and be melodramatic and sulk... Let's hope the memory of the pain lasts long enough for me not to forget and plant my rear back in the same spot before I move away far enough.

Regarding my recent philosophies on life... The inspiration that overwhelmed me last weekend to right it has ebbed away and been replaced with temporary frustration because of something that happened, again. But I'm learning to recognize it better every day. And in time I would learn how to stop myself from being in that given situation... with all things - time, great patience and long memory.

***

Somebody ring the alarm... another fine woman's coming... ohhh ehhhh...

*giggle*

***

I'm feeling sick now.. mind you this is 3 hours after my last break since I started this post.

Shelli out.

***

Shelli is tired. Tired beyond words... and tissue... and muscles... and cells... and bones... and thinking capacities... plain and simple tired.

Well perhaps that is a lie. I'm frustrated. Shelli is frustrated by predispositions which at current she can't affect a change upon or could summon the willpower to affect a change of that kind.

The world is tiring. Nothing is as truly tiring as trying to save a soul only to realize the soul must want to save itself. Flailing arms draw attention and may indicate a desire for help. However, if those flailing arms never render themselves into some sort of controlled behaviour conducive to rescue, flailing they shall forever be... shan't they?

***

***

Classes today? Today was one of my lighter days. I spent it inside marking papers. The mundane aspects of teaching. -.-

I was planning to go to town to buy some tiles for my new pet project but... it was drizzling and I rationalized what's one more day...

***

***


***

This post isn't going anywhere... I shall take my exit...
I posted my "How to make a sketchbook" post as well here.
One frustrated Shelli... out

P.S. save a horse, ride a cowboy.

The truth it seems is something that lingers regardless of whether you want to acknowledge it's looming presence... or not. It sits quietly, patiently, waiting in the shadows cloaked in the promise of it's eventual revelation.

As the pieces fall apart, as things eventually do, all you can do is step back and watch the process. If you're on the receiving end, let the realization start to slink over your skin and grab a Sprite as your head your brain start to whir as the pieces you didn't even realize you noticed start to create the most intricate of patterns.

If the truth revealed is all on your part, to your detriment, as my students love to do, you whip out your most shocked and surprised mask and express your lack of afore-knowledge to the revelation. Or confess quickly as the pieces of your lies threaten to dissipate and lunge off the cliff of uncertainty and pray for a relatively scathe-free landing - or contact your insurance agent.

The point of all this is...

Just be honest. It works it better in the end. A good cover story is just a good cover story. It alters naught.

***

School is in it's final weeks. I'm almost, I repeat ALMOST, upset by the mere notion of teaching coming to a close for Easter vacation. My Form 3s have started being more cooperative, and thus, show promise. It was just one good class following another good class. We started doing still life with fruits. Some of the students get it. Most appear to have the most basic understanding of what they are trying to do.

I got that warm fuzzy feeling inside when I walked into the classroom and the students were bickering......... NOT because they don't want to have class. NOT because they have exams today. BUT because they wanted to arrange the desks to set up their displays quickly so they could start their work (and I like to think of it as conscious efforts on their part to maximize class time). If I could do the Fred Flintstone click my heels thing that day - I would have.

As for my English students, I'm trying to make the class more fun. I'm not sure how successful my efforts are. My students seem to participate more, and I, admittedly, am enjoying my classes a lot more. I'm changing up my techniques and trying to figure out fun ways to teach the topics. I guess that's the point of being a teacher : Trying to find new ways to teach something (potentially inherently boring) in a way that the students will learn, understand and remember.

I love my job once more.

Wait.. I should whisper that.
Don't wanna jinx it.

***

Who cut the cheese?

***

Anyways,

I'm off.
Ciao.
Shelli out.

So we're about to notice a few changes... I'm not sure if the most obvious of issues shall be resolved by the end of this post BUT... I've accidentally deleted my old template and completely messed up the html for the new template. Meanwhile, I'm stuck with this mumbo jumbo.

Secondly, this is the first post for the New Year... Or the first post in a very long time for that matter. My excuse is that my laptop crashed. However, it's a poor excuse considering it crashed only a few weeks aback at most.

***

Ok I was able to restore it to some normalcy. Shelli is still greatly miffed by the current circumstances regarding her unsightly blog template. All the cute template have some html error and I can't remember the link for the site I got the last template from.

***

Well.... I shall finish this later. My allergies coupled with my template issue has drained all enthusiasm that I had reserved for this post.

Ciao for now,
Shelli is back.

I just had the most poetic shower moment. I was gazing through the small bathroom window facing the southern end of the island, looking at the sky. Today was the ideal sleep-in day with all the rain that's been falling. The river outside my window was raging... yes, yes... Ideal sleep-in weather. Strangely enough whilst the clouds behind the house are still grey and gloomy, to the south of the island the clouds are like white etches in the sky with some blue peeking out...

After one time is another.

In that sole moment, that was the only thought that entered my head - 'After one time is another'... Everything in life follows a rhythm, a series of beats. There's pause between each beat - some pauses longer than others, but nuntheless a pause. It is in those pauses one becomes reminiscent or nostalgic or depressed or hopeful or optimisitic. It is in those moments when the beat stops momentarily that the brain stops the action momentarily and official thought registers. This pause feels like a collision course sometimes, but it's always most enlightening. It's a near overdose of that cliché 'seeing things in perspective'. It's the moment of the real epiphanies.

It's in these breaks we just stop and think. Most of the time, not because we want to, but because there's nothing else when life pulls to a halt. As the beat is about to begin, two options presents themselves. Those two options are, shall the rhythm continue as it was before? Are you satisfied with the rhythm your life is dancing to? The pace? The intensity? The direction? The mood? OR... shall the beat be changed up a bit? Shall it be altered somewhat? And you determine that definition of the amount of what 'somewhat' entails...

Hmm.. rhythms... rhythms with the patterns/habits you form, the friends you make, the words you speak, the music you listen to, the dreams you have, the thoughts you allow... they're all rhythms... Life is full of rhythms...

The rhythm of the raindrops dripping on the leaves... coinciding with the footsteps crushing the grass... that "shh's" with every step stepping... in the direction towards the river's edge... where the rhythm of the sound is that of a continuous, fast-paced, yet soothing rhythm.

***

Guess what?

I've lost my voice. Thus, that means I'm sick - again.
hmm...

Shelli out.

In the cloak of darkness that is the night, all I feel is the pendulum swinging that questions everything. Left... Right... Never static, just swinging. Relax.

*deep inhale* Relax.

***

Today has been tiring. I did manual labour this morning. *gasp* As in, work with mud and weeds and such... My parents insisted that I come with them to the land. I nearly fractured my hip from a falling mango that connected with my side... And I nearly got a concussion, in addition to a possible fractured wrist from falling avocados I was helping to catch. Somewhere around that point, I declared there was too many health risks involved and I don't believe my insurance covers a clause "injury from falling avocado".

Think of how ridiculous it sounds if I actually got injured...

~~~
*teacher walking down the street*
Student: 'Miss, why were you absent from school?'
Teacher: 'A mango fell on my hip, and an avocado on my head.'
~~~

Doesn't that sound ridiculous? That makes the whole "dog ate my homework" thing possible.

***

Then, later on I went to Grand Anse.... bought myself one of those delicious fruit smoothies, met up briefly with a couple friends, then headed to the beach.

The beach always calms me. Soothes the soul... and makes me sleepy.

So on that note, I shall depart.

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Shelli out.

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Take it with a grain of salt. Everything. Don't just lick all that soup up like you've never had soup before... Listen as the story explains itself. The tale is retold - there are three sides to the story. Just listen, don't judge. The time for that is not now. Remain wary, but don't cast judgement. Things have a way of sorting themselves out... take it one day at a time.

Breathe in that fresh air. Take a deep breath in. Savour it.

~~~

My birthday was lovely. Sher dropped by to drop off my gift... I'm sleepy...

I'll continue this tomorrow.

Shelli out.

Fear is what keeps us from attempting that which we think should do. Intuition is what rationalizes why we shouldn't do it. Therefore, if it is to protect what has the potential to harm in such a detrimental manner to shake even the ground upon which we stand... so do you tread lightly ahead and take the risk...? Or take your self in one piece, your pride intact, and feelings safe and tread safely in the other direction...?

What if that which we wish to attempt was sized and boxed right in pretty pink paper with a card that said from "Convenient" and signed at the bottom "at the wrong time". Do you still open the box? Pretty paper and all...? What if you knew for sure that inside was packaged with Swiss chocolate regrets... Turkish Delights of maybes... and a big Toblerone, triangular shaped milk chocolate could've been coating over a nut nuggets with nuts never happened, should've happened, but didn't happen and too late. Each treat with just the right amount of sweetness and creaminess that's expected from European chocolate...

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continue post later.... 9.57 am

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