Don't play with it

***

I am so tired. My feet hurts. My back hurts.

Today was another PTC (Parent Teacher Conference) for the Form 2s and Form 3s. We did it in a panel setting in the different classrooms.

My lord it was lonnnng..... but it was good. I got to meet all the parents of the students that I needed to see... those who I felt were not tapping into their full potential.

I was so pleased to find parents that cared about their kids, and are willing to work with teachers to make their children better individuals.

I'm too tired to expatiate on the subject.

***

On an other abstract random note...



***

Ok... I figure my head aches sufficiently ache and my ankles are complaining enough from my heels for me to go take a warm shower and soothe them...

Shelli out.

***

I don't have much to blog about...

Ever had a day where you woke up happy, dressed all pretty, planned everything to the T and it started to go all horribly awry because of one minor glitch...? And then it got better in the one way you least expected it, based entirely upon the mere possibility of such an event occuring...? And became annoyed?

As my mom would say... some of us are just too happy.

Atleast there was evidence of a text. Phonecall would've saved the day. Who knows what could've happened? Maybe more game sprinkled with b.s.?

***

Today was Parent Teacher Conference for the Form 1s. My favourite part of teaching..... meeting the parents.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ok I'll stop with the sadistic evil laughter.... not!!

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ok now I will.

I met lots of parents... it's always a pleasure to meet students who have parents that take their time to come and hear about their kids... and actually care enough to work with the teacher to help make their children learn better and reach their full potential.

I also, frustrately, realized that some kids are hopeless. Ok, that's not a fair statement. Some of these kids need a bit more guidance and support than others... and those that need it most, lack it severely. Consequently, it transcends and reflects in their grades.

Some of the parents let me go through the report and I realized that some of the children are not just doing badly in my class(English A and Visual Arts), they're generally performing poorly. The thing is these kids are not stupid either. I know they're not. The teachers, we all know they're not. We know they're not working at their full potential...

It just becomes a question once more of... what more could we do, as teachers, to reach you, as students? How can we connect the gap between where you are and where you could be? Eliminate the hindrances stopping you from getting there..?

*rubs face thinking defeated thoughts*

I have this idea for my Form 2s... I'm trying to incorporate film into my classes. I shall post in greater detail later on... and how it's progressing. If all goes as planned, my girls should be watching "The Great Debaters" next week.

I must think up something to reach my Form 1s... there must be something I haven't thought of...

I'll ask Sher what's her technique... And Carly... hmm....

Hmm... yes... I'll try and do that tomorrow...

OR post a suggestion.

***

I'm off to La la land.
Shelli out.

Oooh...
P.S. I took a huge Shelli Independence Step... I went to the doc all by myself.
Lol.

***

Shelli is tired. Tired beyond words... and tissue... and muscles... and cells... and bones... and thinking capacities... plain and simple tired.

Well perhaps that is a lie. I'm frustrated. Shelli is frustrated by predispositions which at current she can't affect a change upon or could summon the willpower to affect a change of that kind.

The world is tiring. Nothing is as truly tiring as trying to save a soul only to realize the soul must want to save itself. Flailing arms draw attention and may indicate a desire for help. However, if those flailing arms never render themselves into some sort of controlled behaviour conducive to rescue, flailing they shall forever be... shan't they?

***

***

Classes today? Today was one of my lighter days. I spent it inside marking papers. The mundane aspects of teaching. -.-

I was planning to go to town to buy some tiles for my new pet project but... it was drizzling and I rationalized what's one more day...

***

***


***

This post isn't going anywhere... I shall take my exit...
I posted my "How to make a sketchbook" post as well here.
One frustrated Shelli... out

P.S. save a horse, ride a cowboy.

The truth it seems is something that lingers regardless of whether you want to acknowledge it's looming presence... or not. It sits quietly, patiently, waiting in the shadows cloaked in the promise of it's eventual revelation.

As the pieces fall apart, as things eventually do, all you can do is step back and watch the process. If you're on the receiving end, let the realization start to slink over your skin and grab a Sprite as your head your brain start to whir as the pieces you didn't even realize you noticed start to create the most intricate of patterns.

If the truth revealed is all on your part, to your detriment, as my students love to do, you whip out your most shocked and surprised mask and express your lack of afore-knowledge to the revelation. Or confess quickly as the pieces of your lies threaten to dissipate and lunge off the cliff of uncertainty and pray for a relatively scathe-free landing - or contact your insurance agent.

The point of all this is...

Just be honest. It works it better in the end. A good cover story is just a good cover story. It alters naught.

***

School is in it's final weeks. I'm almost, I repeat ALMOST, upset by the mere notion of teaching coming to a close for Easter vacation. My Form 3s have started being more cooperative, and thus, show promise. It was just one good class following another good class. We started doing still life with fruits. Some of the students get it. Most appear to have the most basic understanding of what they are trying to do.

I got that warm fuzzy feeling inside when I walked into the classroom and the students were bickering......... NOT because they don't want to have class. NOT because they have exams today. BUT because they wanted to arrange the desks to set up their displays quickly so they could start their work (and I like to think of it as conscious efforts on their part to maximize class time). If I could do the Fred Flintstone click my heels thing that day - I would have.

As for my English students, I'm trying to make the class more fun. I'm not sure how successful my efforts are. My students seem to participate more, and I, admittedly, am enjoying my classes a lot more. I'm changing up my techniques and trying to figure out fun ways to teach the topics. I guess that's the point of being a teacher : Trying to find new ways to teach something (potentially inherently boring) in a way that the students will learn, understand and remember.

I love my job once more.

Wait.. I should whisper that.
Don't wanna jinx it.

***

Who cut the cheese?

***

Anyways,

I'm off.
Ciao.
Shelli out.

I have had one roller coaster ride of a day.

~~~

My kids were like spawns from hell today. I don't know if i seemed/sounded like it, but i felt horrible today. Every time i stood up in the classroom i felt so weak, like i felt as if i swayed slightly, that i sat right back down and tried to stay there. One of my Form 2s took so much of my already depleted, from this sickness, energy source that for the 2nd period i just sat and took names. I couldn't be bothered to raise my voice and force them to do anything. My voice was literally going because of this cough.

Hmm... i really do hope i feel better tomorrow.. I really do hope my classes are better tomorrow.

~~~

It's 10.57 P.M... I think i just may have seen the second saddest, if not the saddest episode of Y&R... I almost cried when they didn't find Dru's body... Now the Newman Jet has gone down... And they can't find Nick.

What is up with these writers? Nikki is behaving just like Sharon did when Cassie died. She's blaming Victor.

Nick... wow...there's something strangely disconcerting in Soaps lack of predictability these days... They're taking the tear-jerker route every opportunity they get.

When Phyllis found out from Michael about what happened... at that point did my eyes begin to water. Phyllis is such a wonderful actor... I felt her pain.

Lily and Daniel.. Jack and Sharon... Oooh.. the look of hope on everyone's faces as Sharon walked into the room oblivious to what had happened... Jack's reaction to seeing her.. thinking she was a ghost... hmm...

~~~

It seems everything about today finished with a sombre note. I guess in a way it was all very humbling. I mean, there were some highlights... that includes the meeting up with Danielle and Shev on the Square... seeing Brendon and Dri Dri... reaching home unscathed.... but still.

Life never promised there wouldn't be bad days...

'Tis how the cookie crumbles...

Just roll with the punches...

Ok, i think that's enough clichés for the night...

~~~

45 minutes to midnight...

And what am i doing?

I'm sitting on the floor, partially on the heel of one bent leg and my chin resting on top of the other knee that's upright. I was hunched over some law photocopies i made last year... Every page i turned, every word i looked at said "Shell, you know this... you can do this". Yeah, I'm sure i can. I just need to get my head on straight.

Once more i'm feeling that overwhelming feeling that feels a lot like i'm looking for an out. By an out, i mean, i'm looking for freedom. By looking for freedom, i mean, i'm trying to take a break and sort my mind out.

Sort out the priorities... put them in ascending order... I'm not confused, i'm just overwhelmed. Not in the way that would put the whole world to a halt, but in the way that would make my world spin horribly slower... Slower than i could possibly tolerate... Slower than i would like.

I just need a moment.. to breathe, stretch, shake it all off. Like i said sort through my priorities... There's just so many things i want to get on stream right now. So many things i want to get started. I look around me and i see people going so much faster, reaching their goals that much faster.

But i realize, not everyone shares the same goals.. Reaches their destinations at the same time.. Travels the same paths..

For once it feels like whilst i'm on the scenic route... and right now i'm crawling... It feels like i'm moving. For once, it feels like i'm moving... And as Shamz would say 'One must always be movin' and movin' for if you ain't movin' you ain't goin anywhere'... And whilst it's going slowly..

I'm gradually getting comfortable... and i'm crawling by myself.. and one must crawl before you can stand and walk right?

• I want to get this art thing launched.
• I want to get my Drama club launched.
• I want to do well in this law exam, and hopefully, won't pay the price of my procrastination and all the fooling around i've done.
• I want to be a more assertive teacher... and i want to come up with some brilliant plans to keep my kids interested... I hate walking around with this uncertainty, just feeling things out. I want to leave my kids with a passion for the subject... I want them to leave the classroom being touched as i have by all the teachers i have sat before... I want them to walk into this world filled with so much hope and inspiration that they confidently step forward and embrace each obstacle they encounter... i want them to be empowered... Is that too much?
• I want to manage my time better.
• I want to eat much healthier than i do.
• I want to develop better sleeping habits.
• I want to learn sign language.
• I want to read much more than i do...

I have the books i want to read already lined up. I'm not talking about cute romance novels.. I'm talking about psychology books...history books... scientific books... There's so much knowledge out there... so much knowledge that i've only begun to knick the top off the mountain...

As of next semester, i shall be taking on some English classes to teach. I've been fumbling in my confidence as to whether i'm competent when deep down i know i'm capable.. it's just these butterflies... It's just that its been so long since i've been in an English class.. it's just that although my grades report otherwise, i thought it was amongst the most boring classes i've taken and paid the least attention in... I know i can do this...

I can do it.. It's just that i would've preferred this opportunity to have landed when my law exams wasn't smack in the midst of it all..

Oh well... i'm a survivor.. I can handle my bizz... I've tackled worse before...

I can totally do this.

~~~

Oh.. JOE FINALLY SENT ME THE PICS... Little wretch... Now i just have to work on Ryan to send me my updated pics of him and his chick.

I went to the beach again.. 'Twas mum, Roxy (my neighbour) and myself. Not as many tourists as yesterday.. But still quite an unusual bit.

That's all...
Shelli out.
Ciao