Clarity take the wheel.

By 10:35 PM

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
-'Not ready to make nice' Dixie Chicks


So it seems everything compiles itself into a nice formidable stack in the corner. One that can't be ignored. One that very much exists. One that's so untidy it conquers the neatest bone in any body. One that has too much and would take too long to sort through....

So I sit. Opposite from the stack. Of course, it doesn't really solve anything being here. Staring. Looking on. But this way i can control it, make sure it doesn't get any bigger... Or delude myself into believing such a distinction.

The strange thing is the clarity revealed in the whole mess. Before the stack matured to what it has become, the compilation process brought a revelation with every new addition. Each revelation created these waves through the room, resonating against the walls.

So i sit. Uncertain. Has anything really changed? Does this really make a difference? Does it affect the other party relations? What was the intentions of other party? Why does it not all make sense?

Does it really matter?


I'm still mad as hell and i don't have time to go round and round and round...

Why do i always have these great epiphanies in moments least opportune?


After all the cuss i cuss, i bought the no-bake cheesecake. I should've taken my money and just bought the sour cream and made the real thing.

I mean.... it's ok.. But it's hardly comparable to the real thing. It's significantly lighter than a baked real cheesecake. It doesn't even solidify, it remains this kind of/sort of gooey mass. And after all the cuss i cuss about making it, i could hardly NOT eat it and not hear the last of it... Perhaps it's psychological and i've convinced myself it can't taste good because it's from a box.... with each grit-teeth smile after each painful bite... Good news.. It's almost finished. How's that for Fear Factor?


I wrote a nice long post yesterday... and accidentally erased it... and i got upset. And i shall re-write it sometime this week. I've calmed down now.


I've started working with clay. I did a couple small items so far. A jewel box and a small heart shaped bowl. I shall post some pics on here in due time...

Time for bed. Have work in the morning.

Shelli out.

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