In the cloak of darkness that is the night, all I feel is the pendulum swinging that questions everything. Left... Right... Never static, just swinging. Relax.
*deep inhale* Relax.
***
Today has been tiring. I did manual labour this morning. *gasp* As in, work with mud and weeds and such... My parents insisted that I come with them to the land. I nearly fractured my hip from a falling mango that connected with my side... And I nearly got a concussion, in addition to a possible fractured wrist from falling avocados I was helping to catch. Somewhere around that point, I declared there was too many health risks involved and I don't believe my insurance covers a clause "injury from falling avocado".
Think of how ridiculous it sounds if I actually got injured...
~~~ *teacher walking down the street* Student: 'Miss, why were you absent from school?' Teacher: 'A mango fell on my hip, and an avocado on my head.' ~~~
Doesn't that sound ridiculous? That makes the whole "dog ate my homework" thing possible.
***
Then, later on I went to Grand Anse.... bought myself one of those delicious fruit smoothies, met up briefly with a couple friends, then headed to the beach.
The beach always calms me. Soothes the soul... and makes me sleepy.
So on that note, I shall depart.
~~~
It doesn't mean much it doesn't mean anything at all the life I've left behind me is a cold room I've crossed the last line from where I can't return where every step I took in faith betrayed me and led me from my home
And sweet sweet surrender is all that I have to give -Sweet Surrender' Sarah McLachlan
Today is yet another day to attempt to post a proper entry here. I'm tired... but now I'm not sure as to whether it's because I'm truly tired or if I'm just accustomed to being tired so my mind tells my body so...
So tonight I shall try to type up something worth the effort of reading...
***
Today was good. I started my first practical class with my Form 4s... This is the first time they're doing art, so that's 3 years they didn't have. Last week, I did a crash course in the theory - made the basic vocabulary into a nutshell - Elements of Art. Hopefully, if all goes according to plan I could find some way to incorporate the theory in a by-the-way method with the practical. They all forgot to bring their stuff, so they used impromptu green pea tree leaves from outside. I can't rush the lesson... and I have to constantly remind myself to go slowly... But from one class, I think they show promise.
For tomorrow's class, they will be bringing in boxes. Nice, simple boxes. Perfect for clean lines... to understand basic shapes... to see distinct shade values. Yummy. *glares* Let's hope they remember. I shall go look for some things around the house in the event they do...
***
Floating on sunshine happy.
***
Ok, so yet again I have failed. I started this post early, punctuated it with snack breaks and all I've succeeded in doing is let the tiredness truly sink in.
"There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall." -Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
***
She looks a little bit different now
Maybe a little bit softer round her eyes
Just a little bit different now
Maybe a little bit softer round her eyes
-"Softer" Jimmy Eat World
***
Today was a lovely day. Not too long ago, Shamz had a quote on his msn screen name which said "always keep moving... cuz if you're not moving, you're not going anywhere." So I feel as if things are moving nicely along.
I'm super tired. I shall leave a promise of posting more in the morning...
on an end note...
An Optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds...A Pessimist...fears that this is true...!
Sorry for the build up of a great post to the fall down of a half hearted barely there one.
P.S. I changed my template and Blog name... I still love "Don't Play With It". I might still come back to it in the future... who knows what could happen? I just wanted to change the blog tone again.. I'm still feeling out this template. Thus, Template may change again...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
that it does
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
indeed...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
i just realized that very little takes permanence in my life today
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm..?
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
except for my parents and family members that i keep close... everything else but goes through a revolving door of hello-goodbyes
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
but none that i regret and whilst the wave of nostalgia does settle... it is not so severe to hold me to run back into the past...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
does that make sense?
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
is there something wrong with me?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm..
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i believe you're asking the wrong person.....
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
it's a general opinion question
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
cause i am broken as well....
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
and my statements are open ended as well
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
a friend of mine was telling me that you could figure out what personality traits you want in a partner by looking at those friendships closest to you
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
but... all the friends I've had have all been incredibly unique and individual
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
and all of them... leave eventually or left... and the novelty of the friendship faded.. but the memory of it hasn't
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
do you understand? does it make sense?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm..
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i understand...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
therefore.. the question is.. are we truly inherently broken... or are we so perfectly independent that it's those that surround us we fix and send back into this world?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i think...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i am not certain...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
but you agree in the value of the question?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
indeed...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
i often conceded that perhaps i'm supposed to go through life solitary to some extent... i work best alone
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
heh...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
in every sense of the word.. therefore i'm a lone soldier... therefore i am weird...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
odd...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
for man is supposed to be a social being...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
right?
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
you think i'm odd?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
no....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i think it .. odd i was pondering the last two statements you made troughout the week....
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
are you serious? wow...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
we are ment to be social creatures indeed...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
but...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
yet it seems we are such a contradiction to that norm...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
even though we crave the need for a social bond... we somehow can not attain it... or...we can not keep it...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
yes.. yess...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
that's it
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
it's hard to think you are like me...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
but is it that we cannot attain it.. or we just haven't those we're meant to keep...?
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
it's hard to think you are like me too...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm....
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
my lit teacher at college oft said that not to worry... when the people meant to stay in your life come .. they will stay... all the others will fade
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
it sounds about right....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
but often we don't see the ones who are meant to stay...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
often we cast our eyes elsewhere....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
looking for something else...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
but we should trust that on the most primal level our instincts shall recognize the importance of the individual.. and feel compelled to keep them in our lives
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
for it has kicked in.. with the wrong people.. so why not the right one?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
heh...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
indeed...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
then..according to your words.. the trick is to accept what we have regardless of the feeling that there's suppsoed to me much...much.. much... more
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
one can do that i suppose...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i am not certain of what should realy be done though....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
for i am stuck on the same road as you...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
may be at a differnet junction though..
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
i hate this road.. its lonely and you have to be brave
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
when everyone else has a crutch in their hands to rely on.. someone to fall back and blame
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
we are but stuck with ourselves and the decisions we make...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
but.. in it's own weird right... doesn't that make us stronger?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i believe on some level it has made me stronger....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
even... a little more insane....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
definitely a little more insane....
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
but nuntheless... stronger
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
with strength comes its own special insanity
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
lol..
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
well said my dear...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
well said...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
lol..
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i suppose that fellow you were looking upon did not return thy stare...?
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
this is not about romantic notions but mere generalizations... because my friend's words about ideal partners made me realize that the people that have travelled alongside me share little similarities
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
and despite... the somewhat..sometimes...catastrophic endings.. there are some sweet memories there
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
but not sweet enough for me to repeat it
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm..
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i see...
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
and if that's the case.. and it is upon what our future relationships are based..
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
then.. what is our destiny?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
heh....
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
so.. what is our destiny?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
we all have the same ending....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
which i can say with certainty....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
the ending we push to the back of our minds...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
Death.....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
and what comes before that...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
i am not sure....
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
therefore.. the alternate destiny we seem to think is predetemined prior to death is but mere distraction?
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
heh...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
a mere distraction...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
like mostly everthing else...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
tv...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
music...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
bleh..
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
bleh....
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
distractions...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
or rather...
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
something to help us past the time...?
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
until we get to that final destination..
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
existentialist thoughts
All Things with Form Eventualy.. Perish.... says:
hmm...?
***
She wants it... says:
the end of dat last note on dpwi is kinda glum tho... acceptance as death as our final destination... everything prior a distraction
She wants it... says:
in at the glass as half empty
She wants it... says:
death should be the only thing stopping us from living a very fruitful life... we go through the day and ignore the 98 good things that happened to us, but we're sure to remember the 2 bad things the happened and tend to dwell on that
shelli... teardrop on the fire says:
hmm
She wants it... says:
if we learn to appreciate the good things in our life and try not to dwell on the negative, our lives would be more rewarding
You know, I can't speak for everyone, but when I was younger somehow I always equated being older with experience and wisdom. As a result of working this past year along with a host of other "big girl" responsibility events that happened, I'm realizing something else... Age has nothing really to do with experience and wisdom. Being older doesn't necessitate that either has been learned... it just means that there is a greater chance due to the time span that one should've gone through certain experiences and learned from it.
However, not everyone makes mistakes and learns from them. Some of us keep repeating the same mistake over and over, some of us vary the technicalities of the mistake and live in denial, some of us become so accustomed to the mistake that we accept it as a way of life... and essentially go through life in a "spinning top in mud" way. If you don't learn from your mistakes, is it fair to say that you are wise, or have gain wisdom over the years...?
Also, with the changes in society and the young people being in such a rush to grow up, it seems some experiences aren't solely experienced in adult life... and while one could argue about the maturity aptitude of the students, some of them are forced to become mature very young...
*sigh*
I hope that made sense.
***
School has started back. My lord... I'm sooo tired. The doctor wasn't kidding when she said the first couple weeks would drain me because of how sick I was.
When I came home yesterday, I was on the brink of collapse. I went into my extra reserves of energy to run around school plus I think I was dehydrated. My throat was burning when I came up from my afternoon classes. As soon as I got home, I just dropped everything, changed clothes and went straight to bed - knocked out.
Same thing happened today. Halfway through watching soaps I just abandoned that mission and went straight to bed... Hell... I would eat dinner and go straight back to sleep now, but I have some class planning to do for tomorrow.
***
Ugh... I'm not sure if this is going to work. This miscommunication over the airwaves that seem to ricochet in every direction but clarity. I'm not sure if tolerance on my part could last much longer either... I'm just not sure anymore. Tired of hearing, "I'm a do right".
Wasting words on lower places and capitals.
Pardon my tone...
***
If you want a do right, all day, woman
Then you've got to be a do right, all day, man
-Aretha Franklin "Do right woman, Do right man"
***
Shelli is tired.
Shelli is frustrated by the days events.
I spent most of the day starting and stopping this post. My mood changed tremendously...
Now I guess I'm just humbled and shocked... "seasons change, but people don't" makes sense now...well valid sense... Does anyone really change? Suppressing who you are... or who you "were" just affects things for now... things must arise sometime...
I desperately hope I'm wrong... and that there's some fraction of error that could reverse events... like Bon Jovi's "say it isn't so... tell me it's not true..."..
***
Shads is out of the hospital. They still don't know what was wrong with her... but she's fine now...
I have nothing much more to say... But I discovered a song from a couple years back, with an old feel to it... "Give me a reason" (also called "Glory Box") by a British band named Portishead.
The lyrics are pretty decent too...
"Give me a reason"
I'm so tired of playing, Playing with this bow and arrow, Gonna give my heart away, Leave it to the other girls to play, For I've been a temptress too long. Hmm just, Give me a reason to love you, Give me a reason to be, A woman, I just wanna be a woman. From this time, unchained, We’re all looking at a different picture, Through this new frame of mind, A thousand flowers could bloom, Move over, and give us some room. Yeah, Give me a reason to love you, Give me a reason to be, A woman, I just want to be a woman. So don't you stop, being a man, Just take a little look from our side when you can, Sow a little tenderness, No matter if you cry. Give me a reason to love you, Give me a reason to be, A woman, It's all I wanna be is all woman. For this is the beginning of forever and ever, It's time to move over , So I want to be. I'm so tired of playing, Playing with this bow and arrow, Gonna give my heart away, Leave it to the other girls to play. For I've been a temptress too long. Hmm just, Give me a reason to love you.
Frankie and I were just talking about how HOT a mix between Justin and Britney would be... and the irony of it all considering their little feud of the ex-es/you-cheated-on-me-so-i'll-forever-release-songs-about-you-with-look-alikes thing going on..
But just think of the possibilities... TWO club anthems... think of the hotness...
"All thats important now, is that whatever you decide to do... You don't use it as an excuse."
-Liz
***
Forgiveness... just let it go.
An ounce of truth exists in all thats been said, always. Sometimes we just don't see the ounce at once - but it's there.
***
Long.. long... long day. I'm super tired. Work was eventless and yet tiresome. For now, I shall be thankful... my free periods shall soon be but a distant memory when the new timetable is finished... and my tiredness shall be for legit reasons of having actual work to do rather than lack thereof... Bleh...
Dropped by dad's office. Saw Nevon and got to chat about music for a bit. Went to visit Shads at the hospital. I reckon she'll be fine, but they're not entirely sure whats wrong... But I believe she'll be ok. My lil' sis... of course she will...
I'm soo tired... Must... go... now...
I'm losing coherency..
Shelli out.
*falls asleep at keyboard*
P.S. I finally got the time setting right for my posts... so the times are finally right - sort of. It's according to what time I started the post, rather than what time it was published... oh well.
Britney is back!!! I must say the opening line, quoted above, of her first single kind of throws you off. However it seems like swear words are the cool "in thing" now, everybody is doing it. Avril is the "mother****ing princess" and Linkin Park is wondering "what the **** is wrong with me?" so whats wrong with a little "b*tch" from Britney.
I think this new track 'Gimme gimme more' is the HOTTEST thing ever. I believe it truly has the potential to become a club anthem... well I'm not sure if here in Grenada... BUT I would hope so. It's got a nice strong beat, catchy lyrics... I mean... c'mon... gimme gimme more gimme more... *wink*
AND for Britney there's some double innuendo depth to the song. One can interpret the lyrics two ways (or more... but I don't think it's THAT deep :P)... firstly, a response to the unwanted press that's all involved in her life... and secondly an overtly sexual song about wilding out on the dance floor. That's a whole new level for Brit.
(If that sounds sarcastic.. it really isn't meant to be... I really do love the song...)
And then the second single "Cold as fire" is a bit of an acquired taste. My first reaction was... "what the hell is that annoying chirping sound? Is it my computer speakers? Is it some bird fight outside?"... My second reaction was "What's up with her voice...?! She sounds like a little kid... *blink blink*".... BUT after constant self-inflicted bombing on my eardrums, compliments youtube.com and the two-in-one videos, I finally warmed up to it.
It's catchy. It's fun. It's Britney.
Go Britney! Go Britney! It's your comeback!
You're bringing sexy back. *wink*... Uhh... bad analogy... has she and Justin made up yet?
***
***
We keep it rockin.....
I have work... in the morning...
So... Lemme lemme roll
Into my... my.. bed
Gimme gimme more.
Shelli out.
P.S. Is it just me... or is Post Secret skimping on the secrets recently? I scrolled through in like 5 minutes or less... what's up with that? I swear it feels like Frank is cheating - Last week he posted two secrets twice. He did it again this week. *mutter grumble mutter* I feel so cheated.
Behold my pillow. The three flowers on it were painted by moi. For once when I saw I shall post a photo I have done so... I nearly changed my mind and decide to post the photo later tomorrow...
Anyways... Tropical Depression Felix or what ever the hell it is now and my cough aren't the best of friends at the moment. My cough is trying to kill me... and I don't know what to do about it... so I'm off for now. Perhaps I might find myself before this screen again during the night out of sheer desperation for entertainment and inability to fall asleep...
Welcome to my little piece of the blogosphere. I'm a Caribbean artist/ wildlife conservationist/ adventure enthusiast. Hope my blog brings a bit of sunshine into your life.
