Don't play with it

So this has been the most interesting week. The irony is that I'm inspired. The sad part is that my grades don't seem to be reflecting it.

So it started off on a sour note, and in retrospect it seemed like I endeavored everyone to join me in the pity party I was hosting. Fortunately, I don't like attending other people's pity parties and nor do my friends. So one of them, in not so sympathetic terms told me exactly what I should do with my pity aspirations and ran me. I took offense, but now, I realize they were right.

Every moment you spend being depressed and unhappy, is a moment you can spend otherwise inspired, happy, doing something productive, working towards your dreams, etc.

So... I've had some time to cool down and do some reflection.

I started thinking seriously about my life again. What would I like to be doing ideally? Who would the ideal me be with, what sort of friends would I have, what goals would I want to achieve, etc... They say the first step to being successful is to create the idea of the ideal person you'd like to be down to the colour he/she paints their nails if he/she paints their nails at all. And then, become that person.

So I thought about my ideal major and what I would like to do... And I found myself wishing that if SGU offered a Communications program that it would be more along the lines of what I'd want ideally as opposed to an English Degree. Then that whole walk with purpose, collide with destiny thing happened.

That is, I went to my last Lit class the next day and the prof told us that she's trying to launch a Communications track under Liberal Studies and we should be able to do a semester abroad with the possibility of interning with CNN, Disney World, etc... Now, it's not written in stone... But SGU has become that much more a tolerable place for me. And the idea couldn't have presented itself at a more receptive moment.

Now, I can actually say I have something that I'm happy to work towards...

***

For less important news, I'm annoyed and frustrated and I should probably just go sleep. But I can't, because I have an essay due tomorrow that needs to be finished (and started). Double stupes.

I conclude, I don't have to take this. I already foresee this whole holiday weekend not just flying by the way I would like, but dragging me through each borderline intolerable/painful/boring/nostalgic moment like Christmas... and 10 years from now I'll still be complaining about it at every and any given opportunity but by then I could say it's over and done with and perhaps some of my annoyance would've ebbed away - I doubt, but one can hope. Hopefully I won't end up repeating it every year, and being in this same situation every year. Stupes. Know what? Promise to self - my birthday will not suck. I am determined to enjoy it regardless. I'm going to start planning from now.. Hmph.. Three cheers for celebration.

 I'm going to party. I'm going to bake a cake. I'm going to celebrate with friends. I'm going to wear a cute dress - or something cute. I'm going to buy myself a celebratory cocktail the night and a pina colada (yes I know that's a cocktail too) during the course of the day. I will not allow myself to be disappointed in any way, shape or form. It's going to be epic.

Know what? I can do better than that... first rule of avoiding disappointment, lower your expectations.

However, all for now, I reserve the right to be annoyed. And I shall continue to be annoyed for the next couple minutes until I obliterate all annoying thought with my essay. Until I fall asleep and hopefully it shall not assault me in my dreams...

I ♥ you know who... Suddenly annoyed.

Shelli out.
Deuce, it's been real.

no real post.. I'm tired no hell... But I really love this song...And I'm funnily enough been really happy these past couple days...

I'm finally beginning to realize how much I repeat the same patterns over and over...

so instead of typing a fresh post .. i'll just link to the one that I most feel like right now and bask in my bafflement at my own repetition...

Here... clickety click

The company you keep

Its better to be alone, than in wrong company. Tell me who your Best friends are, and i will tell you who you are. If you run with Wolves, you will learn how to howl, but if you associate with eagles, you will learn to soar to great heights.
A mirror reflects a mans face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses. The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those whom you closely associate for the good and the bad. The less you associate with some people, the more you improve in life. Anytime you tolerate mediocrity in others, it increases your mediocrity. As you grow, your associates will change. Some of your friends will not want you to go on. They will want you to stay where they are.

Friends that don't help you climb, will want you to crawl. Your friends will stretch your vision or choke your dream. Those that don't increase you will eventually decrease you.

CONSIDER THIS:
Never receive counsel from unproductive people.
Never discuss your problems with someone incapable of contributing to the solution, because those who never succeed themselves are always first to tell you how to.
Not everyone has a right to speak into your life.
You are certain to get the worst of the bargain when you exchange ideas with the wrong person.
Don't follow anyone who's not going anywhere.
With some people you spend an evening: with others you invest it.
Be careful where you stop to inquire for directions along the road of life.
Wise is the person who fortifies his life with the right friendship.

Happy moments, Praise God
Difficult moments, Seek God
Quiet moments, Worship God
Painful moments, Trust God
Every moment, Thank God

If you see people without a smile today, give them yours.
Choose to rise.....don't settle....and go for your dreams.
And most of all! let God lead you in everything you do!

This is just uber funny...

http://myboyfriendsucks.blogspot.com

I stumbled across it by pure accident. It's highly sarcastic and yes, you're going to think "why doesn't she just leave already?!?!" But she eventually does and the 6-10 roller coaster ride posts are just way too funny. Well, at lease to me, and I have a weird sense of humour.... hmmm...

Ooo... and this is doubly interesting.... http://www.storiesfromourblackbooks.com/

Shelli out.

So this is still peeving me out.

The idea has been swirling around my mind all day, and I've decided to pen it out - or rather type it out.

The concept of "My business" and it's defining lines.

Someone once told me that in relationships "my business" exists; i.e., there are things that the other party doesn't need to know. Granted that might be true, but since when are relationships governed by boundaries. You're not supposed to have boundaries with your best friend, nor your bf/gf. It's that lack of a boundary that sets the relationship apart from the others.

True, one must know what they need to know. And as with life itself, "needs" trump "wants" hands down. You can't live without your needs, you can live without your wants. But conversely, a need-based existence is practically synonymous with barely surviving. In a family household based on needs alone, that means there's the absence of luxuries which can vary from the luxury of having more than stone soup, or rice and milk for dinner to no tv, or fancy clothes, or even being able to hang out or have the luxury of time to do more than work.

In a relationship, things that you need to know tend to be general based. Need to know birthdays, personality traits, hobbies/interests, etc. Want to know ventures a step beyond the needs, it's not just knowing the birthday anymore - it's knowing the preference of how that person likes to celebrate it. It's not just knowing that person is vegetarian, it's knowing the motivating factors behind the decision to not eat meat. It's not just knowing you live with your step-mom and dad, it's understanding the dynamics of the family to understand why that person thinks that way, reacts a certain way to other people.

Therefore, the 'needs' is like the skeleton of the relationship, any relationship. The 'wants' is that gray area that everyone else should reside in, or wish to reside in. But it's not the area that someone who's supposed to be close to you, should be living in.

Imagine not knowing your best friend's favorite colour... or knowing that they hate celebrating birthdays with cake because when they were 5 their mother forgot to bake them one and they've held a grudge against cake since then. Or imagine, some random person that your best friend never mentioned or just mentioned casually as an acquaintance, walking up to you and ask in all seriousness "Are you going to her wedding on ?" -- and you don't even know that there was a guy, and the one that somewhat comes to mind you didn't even know she was that serious about, nor that she was getting married, nor that the date was set, and you guys promised to be each other's maid of honor (or at least a bride's maid) at each other's wedding. Or perhaps, your girlfriend or boyfriend leaving out the minute detail of his/her ex living with him/her along with their 2 year old son/daughter - and some random person tells you that information by pure chance...you know... the kind of information that just slips your mind, perhaps?

True, you don't need to know any of the things above. But each one listed, all of "my business" above, qualifies as "discovering who that person is". It's the defining moment of every and any relationship. The step before intimacy - platonically or romantically. Without it, the relationship is just a skeleton of what it could and should be, unless that's exactly your intentions...

Shelli out

Run that.... girl.... don't play with me...

Ok I'll admit that perhaps I'm just a tad bit addicted to this Greek show. I think they send out a very good message -- a very wholesome show... There's a little that everyone can take from it.

My dad walked into the kitchen and spied a cockroach. Between him and the cockroach, it's uncertain as to who was more shocked. Upon seeing him the cockroach scampered across the cupboard, miscalculated the edge, so it practically "ran off a cliff." It crashed onto the floor... my dad's first thoughts "ouch.... *cringe* that must've hurt... I've seen too many parachuting movies to know what a good landing looks like."

***

Nothing really to update on. Midterms this week... and I'm lazy to write a proper post... I'll do a meme and then...Back to writing my essay.

New fave quote "I'm sure Osama Bin Laden cried when his cat died... but that doesn't mean you should get into a cave with him..." by Rebecca on my new fave show, Greek.

***

) my uncle once: surprised me with a supersoaker xp 250 watergun in NY. I still have it.
2) never in my life: have I said no to experimenting with new foods. Especially Italian...and desserts...
3) when I was five: I started developing an interest in reading books...despite getting lazy now, I still read.
4) high school was: not something I could describe in one sentence...but perhaps a conflicting disaster could sum it up.
5) i will never forget: many things... but especially fun memories like being stalked with my cousins in Canada, or waiting hours with Quaina to see Usher perform and then doing the "crank dat soulja boy" dance in the midst of traffic post concert... the way outside my window looked in Yonkers...
6) i once met: umm... Luciano and read my poetry for him...got an autograph in my sketchbook and his number. lol
7) there’s this girl I know who: means well but ends up in the most compromising scrapes...
8) once, at a bar: In Yonkers, I learned to officially play pool. I got hit on the entire night regardless of my "i'm taken" remarks...it was most amusing... my bf doesn't know that. And he doesn't read my blog so he probably never will...... but it was fun. I actually made some progress. All that progress is gone to the dogs right now though.. stupes
9) by noon i’m usually: taking a nap. *blush*
10) last night: I couldn't sleep.
11) if i only had: a job... things would be so much simpler.
12) next time I go to church: I'll almost certainly end up in one of those circular arguments with the pastor again. *sigh*
13) terry schiavo: who?
14) what worries me most: is the possibility of never achieving any of my dreams...
15) when i turn my head left, i see: a clothing rack.
16) when i turn my head right, i see: my pillows on my bed.
17) you know i’m lying when: I go "uhh.. yea, sure" *grin*
18) what i miss most about the eighties: good family sitcoms... and music :(
19) if I was a character written by shakespeare, i’d be: that fair maiden, naive and innocent beyond words yet endearing.
21) a better name for me would be: Rebecca?
22) i have a hard time understanding: why some people fail to see the logic in simple things.
23) if i ever go back to school i’ll: ... I'm in school and it has lost it's charm.
24) you know i like you if: I actually encourage a lengthy conversation...if I don't, one-word answers and simple phrases till you leave me be.
25) if i won an award, the first person i’d thank would be: my parents
27) take my advice, never: run down 13 flights of stairs and out an automatic lock door.....and forget the key to get back in the building in the apartment...in a foreign country
28) My ideal breakfast is: lots and lots of bacon, 2 eggs with cheese, 2 waffles/pancakes with lots of syrup, a glass of orange juice, a small bowl of cereal (preferably Captain Crunch Berries), a tall glass of milk and a bowl of fruit. YUM.
29) A song I love, but do not have is: "drops of jupiter" by train
30) If you visit my hometown, I suggest: you...umm... enjoy the view of paradise?
31) Tulips, character flaws, microchips & track stars: Um...I like tulips, no real comment on character flaws, and I never think about microchips or track stars.
32) Why won’t anyone: send me $15,000? I'm not asking for much.
33) If you spend the night at my house, don’t: ask me to get up and bring you water, or any beverage...you know what a kitchen looks like. Go fetch.
34) I’d stop my wedding for: nothing.
35) The world could do without: all this technology, it'll be our downfall... and racism.
36) I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: is it a chocolate covered cockroach? Is this a particularly clean pet cockroach? What species per se?
37) My favorite blonde is: strawberry..?
38) Paper clips are more useful than: cockroaches who want licking.
40) And by the way: I should've bought that cereal and milk earlier... I've got the munchies.
41) The last time I was drunk, I: thought I was going to throw up --- pat myself on the shoulder when I didn't --- and then I did. Stupes.

***
Shelli out.
Deuces...
Muah muah!

I still remember... the rain....

And creepy sexy video for the outro... real post later.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine posted on fb that the thing that destroys lives the most are two words in the English language............... "They say"

I remember chuckling to myself and hitting the "like" button, and wishing I could hit it multiple times because that is indeed true. People's commentary. There is always someone with information to carry be it "he say/she say/they say" so that "ah hear that..." can work as a starter.

How does it destroy lives? Because it leads to uncertainty. In a situation where a modicum of doubt existed, the smallest dash of "they say..." is all that is needed to make that modicum grow. Sometimes the doubt is valid, sometimes it's not. It's all a matter of perception. And of course, thus far in all our lives, we've had instances where our perceptions have misled us into hasty decisions or actions or assumptions. For example, the simple mistaken identities where you swear you see your friend walking ahead, and when you get closer you realize it's the wrong person. Or, post-scary movie, every sound and shadow is converted to "must-be-real" imagery from the movie. The list goes on and on, but this isn't a post about perception.

This is a post about uncertainty. Therefore, due to some rather amusing events that I'm sure I'll look back and chuckle to myself about, I retract my words. "They say" isn't the most dangerous thing - doubt is. "They say" means nothing in a situation where doubt doesn't exist. Thus, leading to trust.

The most important, defining moment, is trust. How much do you trust me?

I've had my share of small scale "he say/she say" recently. I also realize how easy it is to get caught up with it and try to rectify something. But you can't really stop that ball from moving. What you can do, however, is focus on that which you trust and have control over...

There will always be people's commentary. It's up to you to figure out what you need to know and whether you actually know it. If you do, that commentary would mean naught. If you don't, get ready for the roller-coaster doubt ride.


Shelli out.

P.S. I just realized the smell of mosquito coils brings me back to childhood memories of my babysitter. Hmm... and "they say" scent is the most powerful memory trigger....lol

This is going to be a short post. Mostly because I'm insanely tired.

I ended up going to bed minutes to three this morning... and it offset my resent normalization of sleep patterns so I'm right back where I started.

...that is, lying in bed, tired no ras, and sleep lingers just beyond the horizon point and laughing at me... Mocking me.

As for defeatist actions... All the mesh on all the windows, has not stopped the mosquitoes from simply entering through the front door. After spraying out my room for mosquitoes because they're partially keeping me awake (and ruining my skin), my dad thoughtfully opened my door to welcome the mosquitoes in the rest of the house to take up new residency in my room - I mean.... He opened my door to air out the insecticide as opposed to open my lovely effective mesh covered windows. *sigh*

The second I hear one buzz, I'm going to open back my bedroom door and admit defeat that I can't get rid of those pesky mosquitoes.... and take my bites like a woman.

I also have an exam to study for tomorrow. But I'm sooo tired. It's not even funny. I'm just going to go straight to bed and revise during the day. I'm ok enough to pull it off... hmm...

***

As for the good news (and favourite things)? I had a truly blissful weekend. I'm still smiling from it. I have the most awesome friends and an adorably sweet bf.

More good news? Check this show out... It's called Greek. It's essentially based on a storyline involving fraternities and sororities. However, it's much more than that. There's a geeky guy trying to pledge a fraternity, and his super cool sister who's his complete opposite that's president in one of the most prestigious sorority chapters. The story is told as to how both of them deal with it, their parents disapproval of the Greek system, as well as coping with overall university life. All in all, I think it's pretty interesting.... Ooh, there's also a nice bit of engaging romance along with petty drama to keep things fun. Check out the direct link to live streams of all seasons (just because I care) by clicking anywhere on this sentence.. or any underlined part of this paragraph.

Shelli out. Enjoy.
Off to fight battles in sleep. Deuce.