Don't play with it

So this is still peeving me out.

The idea has been swirling around my mind all day, and I've decided to pen it out - or rather type it out.

The concept of "My business" and it's defining lines.

Someone once told me that in relationships "my business" exists; i.e., there are things that the other party doesn't need to know. Granted that might be true, but since when are relationships governed by boundaries. You're not supposed to have boundaries with your best friend, nor your bf/gf. It's that lack of a boundary that sets the relationship apart from the others.

True, one must know what they need to know. And as with life itself, "needs" trump "wants" hands down. You can't live without your needs, you can live without your wants. But conversely, a need-based existence is practically synonymous with barely surviving. In a family household based on needs alone, that means there's the absence of luxuries which can vary from the luxury of having more than stone soup, or rice and milk for dinner to no tv, or fancy clothes, or even being able to hang out or have the luxury of time to do more than work.

In a relationship, things that you need to know tend to be general based. Need to know birthdays, personality traits, hobbies/interests, etc. Want to know ventures a step beyond the needs, it's not just knowing the birthday anymore - it's knowing the preference of how that person likes to celebrate it. It's not just knowing that person is vegetarian, it's knowing the motivating factors behind the decision to not eat meat. It's not just knowing you live with your step-mom and dad, it's understanding the dynamics of the family to understand why that person thinks that way, reacts a certain way to other people.

Therefore, the 'needs' is like the skeleton of the relationship, any relationship. The 'wants' is that gray area that everyone else should reside in, or wish to reside in. But it's not the area that someone who's supposed to be close to you, should be living in.

Imagine not knowing your best friend's favorite colour... or knowing that they hate celebrating birthdays with cake because when they were 5 their mother forgot to bake them one and they've held a grudge against cake since then. Or imagine, some random person that your best friend never mentioned or just mentioned casually as an acquaintance, walking up to you and ask in all seriousness "Are you going to her wedding on ?" -- and you don't even know that there was a guy, and the one that somewhat comes to mind you didn't even know she was that serious about, nor that she was getting married, nor that the date was set, and you guys promised to be each other's maid of honor (or at least a bride's maid) at each other's wedding. Or perhaps, your girlfriend or boyfriend leaving out the minute detail of his/her ex living with him/her along with their 2 year old son/daughter - and some random person tells you that information by pure chance...you know... the kind of information that just slips your mind, perhaps?

True, you don't need to know any of the things above. But each one listed, all of "my business" above, qualifies as "discovering who that person is". It's the defining moment of every and any relationship. The step before intimacy - platonically or romantically. Without it, the relationship is just a skeleton of what it could and should be, unless that's exactly your intentions...

Shelli out