Don't play with it

"I think I need a bottle with a genie in it."
-Ray J "One wish"

***

I hate making decisions. I especially hate making final decisions.

I hate how they have consequences. *shudder* Why must there be consequences?

I hate how they are so absolute.

I hate how they change things and colour them black OR white... no allowances for shades of gray.

I hate following through even though I'm still riddled with uncertainty.
I hate having final consequences.

***

Yesterday was horrible. I kept finding myself in positions and looking at it going... "Wow... I don't want this right now, right in this moment" and not wanting to say it because while I'm certain I can't deal with it right now, I might be able to deal with it in the future... And I'm scared that a consequence would be a permanent closure on these doors lest I say "I'm done.. I'm through."

It was so sad... Everything that I thought I knew. Everything that I thought wanted. Everything that I was accustomed to for so long... I was looking at it as an observer, rather than me in the situation, and thinking "What am I doing?"


***

Seems I've fallen in love with the r&b genre recently... Yummy.