Don't play with it

From the moment we last spoke:
As the words graced your lips,
As the words reverberated in my eardrums,
As the ideas passed over synapses,
As the words formed in my brain,
As the sun began to set,
As the wind began to swarm us,
As the air grew chilly,
As the mood became unbearable,
As the night left us in descending silhouettes...

We walked away thinking,
This could be the last time.

This could be the last time
The last time for all the last times...
This could be the nail in the casket
The last straw on the camel's back
The long list of clichés, signifying the end.
The final end.

From the time my feet
Hit the gravel on the streetlight lit path
The crunch below my heels...
The light drizzle on my face
As the night's shower begins.
I take the curve,
I take the bend in the road,
I take the higher end,
Sticking in mud briefly.
Far more we can take?

The weariness sinks into my bones,
The heaviness weighing down each decisive step...
In the direction opposite and away.

I'm between streetlights now,
My shadows are casted in two directions,
The drizzle is getting heavier,
The welcomed cold drops...

In another world,
In another time,
In another universe,
In this one...
Maybe.

"I think I need a bottle with a genie in it."
-Ray J "One wish"

***

I hate making decisions. I especially hate making final decisions.

I hate how they have consequences. *shudder* Why must there be consequences?

I hate how they are so absolute.

I hate how they change things and colour them black OR white... no allowances for shades of gray.

I hate following through even though I'm still riddled with uncertainty.
I hate having final consequences.

***


Yesterday was horrible. I kept finding myself in positions and looking at it going... "Wow... I don't want this right now, right in this moment" and not wanting to say it because while I'm certain I can't deal with it right now, I might be able to deal with it in the future... And I'm scared that a consequence would be a permanent closure on these doors lest I say "I'm done.. I'm through."

It was so sad... Everything that I thought I knew. Everything that I thought wanted. Everything that I was accustomed to for so long... I was looking at it as an observer, rather than me in the situation, and thinking "What am I doing?"


***

Seems I've fallen in love with the r&b genre recently... Yummy.

Summer is 4 days away...!

***

It never ceases to amaze me how a little "by the way", accidental "stumbled-upon" could change a mood so drastically. The feeling of exuberance crushed like a slapped mosquito in my sleep and dusted off...

Fed up. Fed up. Fed up.

***

Regardless of what they say...
How could it feel... this wrong?
From this moment...
-Portishead "Roads"

***


***

Shelli out for now.

Another tiring day.

I can't believe this... today is the first time in the history of me being a teacher that I've left the compounds this late for the mere fact that I was marking papers...! I left probably around minutes to 6, and reached home around 7.30 pm.

I've pulled "don't go to bed till the sun rises" all nighters from marking papers... BUT I was in school.... Ru and I were the last teachers there. The principal and all left... Thank God for the company. Thanks for staying Ru..

My shoulders ache the kind of ache one gets from carrying weight just a little more than usual.

Fortunately I have good friends to help me since the Brazil trip put me back... Thanks Nata and Ru.

***

Can somebody hand me a distraction? That's what I want for my early Christmas present... a distraction.

***

WOW...

This cutie pie just told me the cutest thing... perfect distraction.
*blush*

See my eyes twinkle now.

***


So, about Brazil.

My most popular Brazil story is about my being attacked by a wild animal in the sub-tropical rain forest.

The story goes like...



So we're staying at the Cataratas Hotel in Foz de Iguassu. The hotel is absolutely gorgeous... I swear it looks like a pink castle, about 60 something years to date I think. It's also the only hotel in the middle of the national rain forest reserve.


So there I was, walking along, minding my business... Fearing nothing in the wilderness, following the crashing sounds of the waterfall to get a closer photo. When.....



Suddenly....

Out of NOWHERE....

I was surrounded by a pack of these wild mini-fox looking animals. They were snarling at me. I was terrified. I vaguely remembered the sign by the pool that said what to do in the timely event of encountering wildlife around the area...



I nearly fainted....! But before that happened, one of the vicious cretins just jumped out and bit me.

I mean...



Look at it...






Scroll down slowly... brace yourself...


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It's a mighty....

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Little...




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Intimidating....

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Kind of...

CUTE CRITTER!!!!


So the real story goes like... That animal is the national animal of the Falls called the Quati(Coati). They're rather friendly, remind me of pigeons how they just walk around like the own the place.

There's several signs around the place that says "DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS". Who really reads those signs..? Seriously?

I just thought it was soooo adorable. Lorraine told me one let her pet it, so.... with this new knowledge that these cute wild animals let humans pet it, I went out on a mission, dragging her with me, to pet a quati.

The quati was very bored with me and was walking away... until I opened my bag and it came running back. I took out this oat bar I got on the plane and gave it to L. She dangled it over it's head and it stood up on its hind legs walking towards her like.. "Feed me mommy... Feed me."



After a while, we decided to open it and give it a small piece. It ran off into the bush with it. L handed back the remaining bar to me... next thing I know, I'm being bitten. It's a small nip. I believe it was more to get the contents out of my hand.

My dad, mom and Mr. L who were also nearby witnessed the incident and started muttering and grumbling about reading signs and heeding warnings... blah blah blah.

Point is, I just accomplished one thing on my "to-do" list before I die... I stayed in rainforest AND as a plus, I have battle scars to prove. Ok... I have stories of my battle scares from my wild animal attack since the two dots will surely fade in a few weeks.

***

As we're on the topic of the Falls and things on my to-do list.. I went on the Safari trip, that concluded with a boat ride to get a close up with the falls... and under the falls itself.



.... So thats enough on Brazil for the night.

The ghost hunt at Cataratas hotel shall be reserved for another night.

That's enough cheesy writing for the night.
Shelli out.
Ciaoz.......!


Oh wait... did I mention I had a VIP room for my birthday..? Not that that means much... but it's the first time *I* had my own room in a club.

Yummy.

In a simpler world, things would be so close to perfect that it would be livable happiness. It's a pity this world is drenched in complexities that you just have to accept... because the harder you fight it, the more tangled it becomes.

***

I am so tired, it doesn't even begin to amuse. My thoughts are molesting my mind and I am trying to quiet it up there.. but I'm not being very successful. In fact, my conscious efforts seem to have resulted in a slight headache.

***

In a world full of such complexities, where only discrepancies prevail. I remain thoroughly confounded. My tired feet move forward, where ever forward feels like in this moment, aimlessly one in front of the other.

I left. I returned. I returned with a delusion of peace... opened my eyes and realized that the pools confusion remained as I left it. I rose higher than it... but the waves splash against where I walk trying to stain my clothing into remembering... but I'm too tired.

If I had one wish, it would be to have one answer... just one.

To any of the millions of questions I asked over and over this past year.

I've got answers before... but I've been deceived before... I've deceived before... and who's to say this time it's the truth. Who's to say that this final answer to the final answer to the last different final answer is the real answer.

I guess there's not much I can do. I can't exactly write up a truth spell and cast it on those around me... and I wouldn't dream to go in that direction...

All I can do, is get up. get out. get over it.

Carefully place everything into a mental box, and scribble roughly with a marker the words "past" until maybe in the future... when perhaps I'm more mature... or finally out of the frame so that I could see the picture...

Everything gets answered in time.

***

Wish for something better...
This time it means...
Stop.

Shelli out.

I shall post my Brazil pics and stories later on.. maybe tonight...

Short, quick update.

I am alive, worry not. Although I
doubt anyone was worrying... I´m in Brazil... I shall right a lovely long
lengthy post soon. AND I´m taking looootttsss of pics...!

***

OHHH funny note from convo with Ru and I.

The Golden One - Unrequited - The relentless pursuit of truth says:
where are u now?
Shelli... [insert witty, life altering quote here]
says:
in the business center why?
The Golden One - Unrequited - The
relentless pursuit of
truth says:
I mean country
Shelli... [insert
witty, life altering quote
here] says:
foz de iguaço
Shelli...
[insert witty, life altering quote
here] says:http://www.ladatco.com/IGU-DasCat.htm
The
Golden One - Unrequited - The relentless pursuit of truth says:
wat does that mean "f*ck an iguana?"

Shelli out.

So we're still at the Marriott hotel in Trinidad.

I had a huge breakfast - sausage, bacon, french toast, toast and cream cheese, pancakes, cubed seasoned potatoes, cheese, turkey and ham slices, a serving of watermelon and 2 glasses of orange juice.

***

Mum went to town. I'm cold inside. I'm going upstairs to change in a bit to go out to the pool.

I'm not sure entirely what we're doing this afternoon. I heard some mention about going to club Zen but... some went out last night. I'm not sure if anyone is going out tonight. Hmm...

That's all for now.

Shelli out

Party like a rock star,
Kick a little ass...
"So cal loco" Sprung Munkey

***

My birthday was quiet. As you'd expect a birthday that falls on a Thursday. I went with mommy to that new Bagel place on Maurice Bishop Highway. Then on Friday, Adri, Ru and myself went to Rituals and we got this hella HUGE slice of literally towering chocolate mousse cake. Then Greg, Che and umm... another friend of Ru's stopped by and chilled with us for a bit. OHH and the same Friday we passed by Karma to collect some invites and the After-work Friday party that they host now was in session.. I believe Adri is ready for the experience.

The Saturday we went to Karma. We got one of those VIP rooms downstairs. It was awesome. I had a lot of fun.

***

Right now I'm in Trinidad with my parents for a pre-lude to a convention in Brazil.

Yummy.

I shall update and post pics later.

Shelli out.