I don't want to wait in vain for...

By 8:18 PM ,

I'm telling the wrong lies...
the right lies would atleast be keys,
they would open doors
'Hesitations outside the door'
(Margaret Atwood)

So it's the first day of the fourth month and fortunately enough, everyone in my life is way too busy to try and pull pranks on me.

I got my History paper back - I got an A. I got my Literature paper back, and along with the whole class, I have sentence by sentence edits... *mutter grumble mutter* To do over the paper for next Tuesday because she wants us to become better writers and such... which is awesome... but I don't wanna write this paper over and polish it up.. chuts.

So finally I've decided to sit back and relax while I watch before me as things complicate themselves without my involvement. Somehow, I find myself in the midst of sheer confused minds... and each day that passes things seemingly become less certain, more comedic - except it fails to tickle my funny bone most of the time, and fragile. And each day they seem to get a little closer to touch the outskirts of insanity.

So now... I've fully exhausted myself with trying to know. Before I walk back into a historical repetition and get caught up in a matrix...I realize I have a bad habit of forming my own conclusions and stubbornly holding onto it.. but this time, I'm just going to relax and observe... and yea, I'm finally learning how to do that. No over analyzing or under analyzing.

*sigh* I don't know anymore...

Wait...wait... that's a lie... I know what I want... Recently I've been majoring in "knowing what I want" I just wish the people around me did so we could move forward, be it united or separate... Some things are worth the fight. Some things it's better to spare yourself the trouble and leave it alone, because its just not worth it... and other things fall into that alluring "unattainable" category of no matter how hard you try, it'll always be just out of reach, just not meant for you.

It's just a matter of patience and intuition to decipher it. Pity, neither are in my repertoire of virtues.


Of all the things I've believed in..
..I just want to get it over with
-Michelle Branch

Shelli out.

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