Don't play with it

Life Lesson #10: People are never truly confused... and
Life Lesson # 11: it is true that sometimes the more things change, the more they stay the same...
Life Lesson #12: Every decision has a consequence.. and it's impossible to know in absolute certainty that any given decision is the right one... but all we can do, is pick a decision, stand by it, and brace yourself for the consequences...
Life Lesson #13: I don't have to know everything. Ignorance can be bliss.
Life Lesson #14: Being honest is just wayyy easier than building mental walls to keep people out.

There is nothing like searching for an old post to force you to go through your collected thoughts. All I was looking for was one post, one oh so simple post on confusion... I didn't find it but what I found was questions and answers in a complexed format. I realized with all this moving (to a new country, school, life...etc) in many ways I'm just running in the same circles but on a larger scale. I discovered I'm smarter than I think I am, lol, funnily enough that is. I foresaw, foreshadowed, interpreted some pretty sad things that I wish I didn't... and I completely forgot until I read what I wrote and remembered that I did know then what I know now, and I wasn't strong enough to stop it then... and I acted too slowly to stop it now.

Anyways, like Martin Carter said '...You change with the change that changes you, yet you remain unchanged..."

I found a funny quote on "Sun kisses rain on me for the love of irony" from a convo between me and a friend Vegar in May 2006...

Thank God, at least some things change...for the better... It's no longer impracticals... and I'm content..almost like a Cheshire cat.




Sooo... about confusion. I believe, if my memory serves me right, I spent a good chunk of my recent history (last couple of years) being confused. My most famous catch phrase was "I don't know" or "I'm confused." After being chastised so many times for it... I finally decided to try to break the cycle for living in confusion is most frustrating. So I adopted a flip a coin mentality until I found myself flipping the coin till I got the desired answer I was looking for and rationalizing and altering the number of flips....

...which led me to realize that people are never really truly confused. In order to be flipping until satisfied must mean I know what I would ideally like...People know what they want. Knowing what they want isn't the issue. People aren't confused about emotions/feelings... they just don't want to admit it - there's a difference. People are aware of what they want and the consequences. Confusion, if it should be called that, occurs when you don't know which choice is the right choice to make.

This year has been the most decisive year thus far. Things have been happening much more quickly than I get a chance to do my usual over-analysis. Instead I'm learning to have a new appreciation to Frank Sinatra's song "My way."

I find myself doing a special kind of tight rope walking that's strange and new... and I'm already terrified of heights... but it's just one foot in front of the other, no rushing.. Baby steps, but they feel like progress.

I've learned, or am learning to master, the art of making a decision and standing by it, be it right, be it wrong... It is my victory to have, my mistake to make... and I'd at least have the ability to say in the end, atleast, I did it my way...

With the help of a friend I was able to come up with a near-fool proof way to make quick, easy decisions with small things and avoid getting caught up... simply ask myself 'Does this change anything? And, if yes, what would it change?" If it is relevant, I decide whether it would be progressive or a hindrance and.... seeing that I'm desirous of only forward movements right now......... and if it is irrelevant, it gets dismissed.

I've learned, from another darling friend, that there's beauty in not knowing everything. When certain topics up, he would just say he doesn't want to know... and at first it through me off... and then I remembered my dad has a similar philosophy. It's not important to know everything... and it's less important to know unimportant things that are negative and could be reduced to gossip... and since finally grasping this concept of 'not wanting to know', life has become simpler. Now I find myself saying the same words, and finding myself less stressed.

Also, I've learnt to be more straightforward. No more lyrical lines to hide behind, or cloaked metaphors.... It's much easier to just say what you mean to say and want to say, and just get it over with. It dramatically cuts down the b.s. time wasted. Again, simplifying life by resolving issues quicker and reducing all the mental hypothesizing.. which leaves time to do more important things like - sleep.

***

So now that my midterms are coming to an end... my brain is starting to pick back up (lol)... I've realized that...

• a)Happiness is a choice (more like I reminded myself of this one).
• b)I do not need to have all the answers and know everything... nor do I need to.
• c)Sometimes, it's not really you, it really is the other person. (and other times it really is you)
• d)There is merit in learning how to close doors... and by closing doors, that means close the doggie door, seal the windows, put sealant in the mouse holes, etc etc... It gives you a chance to give yourself a chance again... a proper chance. And besides, what is meant to be will be... It doesn't make sense reveling in a situation that isn't working and holding onto it, hoping that it will change... You can't let go, by holding on. It just doesn't work that way.
• e)Sometimes you just need to know that the other person wants it enough... just as much as you do. And that knowledge is enough to get you through..
• f)You could be right, you could be wrong. It's easier to apologize for making a mistake than it is to spend quality time debating whether it's worth it... If you're looking for a sign, this is it... take it, trust it, and it will be amazing regardless the outcome. No one ever leaves any situation empty handed... there's always a lesson learned.

And... that collectively, all of the above provides the answers to ease confusion. Well.. my confusion.


***



Shelli out.
Muah! Kiss kiss.