"...And even if I foresaw this
I just pushed it aside
to find a way to help you
make it work..."
But the truth is,
You don't see a way.
All you see is me
Grasping,
Stretching,
Reaching,
Frantically clutching,
Hoping,
Crying,
Wishing,
Dreaming...
That fraying ends don't burn
As much as they really do.
That the bleeding finger tips
And the charred, peeling skin
is just part of a reality
within a dream.
Therefore, it doesn't really exist.
All you see is me
in that constant state of denial
You watching, shaking your head
with quiet sighs...
"Don't worry baby,
if it's not ok,
it's not the end.
It's always ok in the end"
And you pull me closer,
Tighter,
Lovingly,
with more love than I've felt in a while.
With more sincerity than I've heard in a while,
With more of everything
and less confusion...
With no breaks.
There is no break,
Just a continuity of energy.
That fills me back with that much faith
That it will be ok in the end.
And I will survive to the end.
And I will be happy in the end....
...With or without you
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How delightful... Blogger has an enhanced Edit bar when composing posts.. YAY...
***
Life Lesson # 10 : Things don't always go as planned. Sometimes the best plans
turn out completely awry. However that's no excuse to duck and run for
cover... As Britney Murphey said in 'Little Black Book,' "sometimes,
you discover that if you let go of the steering wheel for a minute
you might just end up right where you belong...."
"Life is a waterfall...
One in the river...
One after the fall..."
-SOAD
So this year has been most interesting... I know I'm yet to post a very proper post but the inspiration keeps coming and then ebbing away.
I decided that this year I'm going to take (more) control over my life. Be it with regards to school, finances, even my art... any area that I can touch. I shall be pulling in the reigns.
Little things have been happening to make me feel more positive again about the rest of this year. I'm mastering the art of ignoring inconsequential stuff. I just have to learn to keep it up for beyond 2 weeks. It takes a month to build a habit, 2 weeks to give up and quit.
I'm even starting to draw again. I need to polish up my skill. Find my passion. Search within myself and find that part that I keep catch and releasing... and catch it, hold it, and keep it secret.... channel it, focus it and make it work for me.
On a sideline... I also think I'm going to enjoy my classes. Life is so unpredictable. I was uncertain as to what I wanted to do and such... After being a Business major, a Biology/Psychology major... I am now an English major with a slant mixed with a lil business, IT graphics and fine arts classes. You can never be too good... And fear of failure should never be a good enough reason to avoid what you love.
Hoy es adios...
Manana quisas...
Shelliiiiiiii
Deuces!!!
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So randomly me and my old pal Vegar end up talking online and he's telling me about working and living over there... success as an artist and such...
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So again, Donald is telling me his theories on why people cheat and how it's instinctual... so here is a snippet of the convo...... and the crash... LOL
and then he continues..... lol
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So I failed to maintain this blog like I kept promising myself I would. I doubt this post is going to be very awesome anyways, because I ended up re-writing it so much I've lost my flow and inspiration....
Anyways, here goes.
I got a random phone call from a good old friend, Sher (Liz). And it was refreshing to talk to her, as it usually always is. It's like a gentle reminder of a simpler, less dramatic, more naive time with less responsibilities.
I factored in naive because I believe being an adult is over-rated. Being a child is bliss. You don't know enough to know fear, you know enough to know joy and simple pleasures, and you're carefree enough to believe the immeasurable possibilities that the world contains that.... when you become an adult, are taught to play it safe within the box; the world of responsibilities exist everyday and there's always one more to add to the list; and being happy and carefree becomes a conscious effort at some points because reality just happens to live in the forefront unless you choose to overlook it.
So... talking with Sher. As usual, we're good at hypothesizing and planning out oh-so-great ideas. Hopefully.. well not hopefully.. this year we shall accomplish our set collaborative plans.
Bleh.. I give up on this post. My eyes hurt. My head hurts. I'm going to nap.
On closing.... I close with two quotes.
Sher and I were musing about the major improvements in our lives in the romantic aspect.... For instance, she's one person I know understands when I say I really don't remember a certain someone's existence in my life. It's almost as if a whole year gets skipped over in my memory unless someone stops and asks specifics... and when they do it's like *confused face* I left something out... *racks brain* *light bulb* *sigh* Oh... right. Stupes.
I have very very vague memories of anything then... and the little I do remember is hardly anything really good...and the little good is tainted in some way... I have to sit and think long and hard and long and hard to come up with a memory... and all I could really come up with is that it's possible there was an alien abduction during that time which would explain the level of stupidity and the lack of recollection. I mean, anyone could understand that.
So enough about loser-ific people ... and more about quoting. Sher said something that just had me laughing for a good couple minutes.
Sher on dating losers: "It's like community service...! I've done my part!"
And my second quote that made me smile was from Donald. After having a long discussion about why it's important to live each day as your last, and theorizing that tomorrow never comes. The topic of hunger came up and I was showing off that I had lunch right before me and he didn't... to which he responded that he could always have revenge in the future... and I reminded him tomorrow never comes........and he said......
Donald on the tomorrow never coming : "The future is unpredictable but there is plenty of it left today...!"
Ciao.
Shelli out.
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