Don't play with it

I had the most depressing day. Ok, so that's a gross exaggeration. However for the moments where I wallowed in deep wells of self-pity I was on the brink of tears. In retrospect, that was probably as consequence of lack of sleep, stress and bad eating habits... but yea.

So what happened? I discovered right now my standing in my Lit class is awful. So I'm not failing or anything like that.... But it's not the point. I'm not at an A and I can't even say it's blipping on the horizon because I can't even see it anymore. *sigh* And I was lamenting over failing myself, Mr. Adams, and all those who believed in me.

Wallow wallow wallow...

Now that I'm over that moment. All is not lost... The first part of the course which is at the most 30% of the grade, was not based on my forte...also not all the marks are in as of current. BUT... the remaining 70% is. I still feel confidently about writing essays. So I haven't written a Literature paper in a while... but nuntheless, that's not something I should nor am worried about. There's still hope.

***

(Originally posted 9/14/09)

'Cuz my heart is breaking

(Originally posted 6/18/09)

Grenada is exhausting.

I'm trying to figure out if its the weather or the company. But funnily enough New York was exhausting too... and I can't decide which either.

[Disclaimer: the following poem quote is just something I stumbled on that was most amusing to me and is in no way related to my relationship nor any experiences on my part]

***

Easter came... Easter went. It was most... hmmm... interesting shall I say? It has actually taken me a couple days to get my mind around some stuff to decide exactly how I want to blog about it. I still haven't decided... However, I figure if I don't start, the post will never get written and I might end up inadvertently taking an indefinite break from blogging.... so here goes. Material may be offensive and very inaccurate but it's entirely opinion so feel free to correct me, put in your two cents, or whatever.

Firstly so it wasn't the complete disaster I expected. Perhaps there's some merit in what my darling friend Ray tried to convince about doing stuff for the better and expecting it not to work out so as to circumvent disappointment and maximize that warm fuzzy feeling inside when it works out. [That argument shall be discussed later or in a/the consequent post since it peeved me as well] I spent Friday with my favourite person, watched movies and all that fun stuff. Also, I had braced myself with the possibility of not seeing said person at all because I know how busy my schedule (should've) been considering the not even to my neck but to my nose amount of work I have to finish before the month ends. Yes, I am intimidated by it. Yes, I should've heeded all of my professors advice when they said "start working on it from now..." But, you know how hard ears pickney does stay... Back on topic, so I got to spend like 2, almost 3, days with them of the 4 day weekend. *big grin* So Easter wasn't that bad. I also covered some schoolwork, not as much as I anticipated, but some nuntheless.

For the most part I was home. My good friend Carly wanted to do something on Easter Monday, so I joined her and a couple other friends to go to a cook in La Tante Bay and then go to Bathway.

There begins my rant...

The last time I went to Bathway was too far back for me to remember, much less me remembering what Bathway at Easter was like.

(gosh... I lost my vibe to finish this post again but I shall still try...)

Ok so we went up. It was packed with people...and dark because it was night. There was lots of music, lots of smoke and such from people doing barbeque and roasting corn, etc. There were one or two vehicles trying to crawl through the crowd....And we weaved our way through to where I believe was the last DJ and stayed there. The bar had these rave-like green and red laser lights that were flashing all over.

Where does my peeves begin? Why was I peeved that evening?

So myself, Sheba, Carly and her other friend are standing there, drink in hand, listening to the music, observing what's going on...

What was going on? I saw literally a handful of females. This is not to say there were not many women on the beach, because I honestly don't know. However where we were there were far more men than women. There was an area right in front where there were a bunch of guys dancing ranging from as young as probably 8-10 yrs go up. It was "gangsta" dancehall music, so they were doing the whole crotch grab while looking down at the ground and pointing two "gunshot" fingers in the air.

Naturally, well, naturally to me and Sheba, a fight was inevitable. The guys are drunk, the music is violent, it's like the perfect setting. Furthermore, it was almost as if as females it was best that we didn't even show up because we weren't even really being acknowledged - not that we wanted to be harassed by men, but it's practically customary at parties/fetes. It was as if all they could see were each others as guys, to drink and be merry and do the gunshot dance... blah blah blah... I've lost interest in this post. In a nutshell they were playing gangsta music. Big fight break out. Man get chop. Who get stab stab, who get chop chop... And I don't know if anyone actually died. But it was ridiculous. And I'm almost certain it's over something petty or just some ignorant stuff.... 'cuz that's what it typically is.

It reminds me of my Poli Sci prof's statements...... How could we claim to be so independent and forward moving as a nation... developing and striving towards greater things... supposedly moved past the days of slavery which we celebrate on Emancipation day in August... yet we can't even communicate and sort out petty grievances without someone feeling "disrespected" and feeling the need "to chop" the other party to bring about a (false) resolution? Seriously. We can't even communicate with each other on the basest level. That's where we're at as a nation. Good job.

But whatever... I had a good weekend...cuz of my honey bunny, and girlfriends.

Deuces.
Shelli out

I think being naive is under rated.

This is a hilarious post I saw earlier called "Didn't you see the signs?" on the I Should've Been a Stripper blog. (Don't judge me..hmph!)

 Love Poem

To love deeply
Is to hurt always.
It's an ongoing compromise,
A forever sacrifice,
A note to oneself:
Love shallower in the next life.

It's a pool of intensity
Of desire, caring,
concern, worry,
consideration, obsession,
passion, compromise,
and love...
...whatever that means

So pack light...

***

Glistens off clichéd tears
Rolling down the cheeks of a lone soul
Sitting drenched in the moonlight
Like a waiting omen
Slow tilt of the head...revealing dark eyes
A slow question murmured like a whisper under his breath,
"how are you? ...I've been waiting"
Objection?

Sacrifice
And like the petals it shall turn to dust
but a faded memory
as the wind blows it away
til its no more

A bud...
peeks from the tip of a branch

Waiting to be snipped off
by ignorant fingers


death be to hope

But the budding plant can be claimed


-(by Eamon and me...) idle bbm convo

***

I've decided that I'm going to start writing again. Yay me.
Shelli out.
*throws up a random gang sign*
Deuce