Don't play with it

So I'm in a quotable mood. Granted I'm at the end of my tether with lots of things... don't be surprised at any major changes if I blog it...

I've been theorizing on relationships and stuff again... This whole business of compromise and the like.

Is it just me or has the power shifted completely to guys? Now, I'm not saying anyone should be controlling in a relationship, but nuntheless, since when has it been hypothesized that the guy makes all the rules.

Funnily enough, I could be wrong, but I keep bouncing into pretty girls - hot chicks even - that are actually waiting on responses from guys. The decisions in the relationship are dependent entirely upon what their boyfriend feels, his desires, his wishes, his comfort zone, etc. What ever happened to compromise? Was it shot on sight, and if so, who do we bring in for questioning?

One party doesn't entire a relationship alone with their own belief system, ideas, values, etc... Both parties do. Everyone is different as well.... that's where compromise comes in. Why keep bending and bending and bending? It's illogical to expect that and to follow through with it on either end...

 "I don't do it for anybody" and "that's just how I am" are not acceptable excuses. You are not the center of the universe, and you are also not the only unique person in the world. Furthermore, neither of the parties are named "anybody" or "nobody" I'm sure...

Perhaps that's just stupidity.

Eventually all that bending gets tiring, and one of those parties end up on the end of their tether. And just so, what could've been perfect ends up ending.

Why is that? Why do people - girls and guys - allow themselves to get into that position?

It's not even to say it's the umm...not so cute ones alone... It's those guys and girls that have no reason to be desperate... a great catch so to speak.

Furthermore, it's ironic that while one party is cutting styles on their partner, taking them for granted... They seem to fail to realize that there's a million other people waiting, hoping, wishing to be in their position. Reminds me of an oldies song lyrics "if you believe that no one else wants your girl, just let her go, and someone else will take her... before you can count... one, two, three.... yes indeed"

• (with relation to holidays/celebrations) "....when it comes around, all I get is annoyed"
• Tolerance for stupidity should not be confused with green lighting it's continuance...
• No one deliberates on the bus they missed, they deliberate on when the next one will arrive.
• The past is good for reference but not present tense if it poses a paradox, unless that's what you're going for. 
• Did you wake up one morning and realize it was your lifelong purpose to be a jerk, or did you gradually grow into it?

You Are An ESTP

The Doer You are adventurous and risk taking. You act first, think second. You love being the center of attention. You were probably the class clown. Competitive, charming, and charismatic - you have your own code of honor. You live a flexible life, bouncing between a series of activities that interest you. In love, you are a master seducer... and quite manipulative when you want to be. If someone loves you, you'll only believe their actions. Words don't mean a whole lot to you. At work, you are a "people person." You're especially good at getting people to do what you want. You would make a great salesperson, marketing director, or entrepreneur. How you see yourself: Reasonable, proficient, and tough How other people see you: Flaky, unrealistic, and untrustworthy

Awkward.

That's how these past couple weeks have felt, and each day keeps culminating with a poignant movie/show that sums up my issues in ways I'm not ready to deal with. What does this quite mean? It means I'm seeing the changes as they're happening, and I recognize it's going to happening with or without me, and also that it's futile.


I'm exhausted. I think I need a vacation. (lol) but then again, we all need a vacation. I've decided to push some studies this week. Work on some pieces. Send out some applications... And see what's what.

*sigh*

This post isn't going where I intended it to...

In conclusion ... here are some pics from this awesome blog called "Things we forget" that I stumbled upon... The guy basically sticks inspirational post-it notes everywhere....

Long Independence Day weekend - what did I do? Sleep... a LOT.

School is really making me indifferent to some things, like holidays. I remember one of my professors saying that the most challenging thing that happened to him in college, was to un-learn everything he knew before.

I used to tell my high school students the same thing... that when they get to college, they're going to feel so deceived. Not because of any deliberate actions of the teacher, or false information as the syllabus is set with their supposed best interest. Instead, more along the lines of how pivoting details are left out of the story and alters your entire perception.

For example, I'm tutoring a girl right now that's in high school. When we're covering History and I ask her a question as it pertains to the abolition of slavery, or why the slaves were enslaved, etc etc... I get to hear about how concerned the Abolitionists were on a humanitarian level, or how backward the Africans were like sitting ducks. You reach college level and you start to hear about the economic pressures of maintaining the plantations in the islands, in the midst of all the slave rebellions, compared to the profits of newly colonized India... Suddenly these humanitarian efforts start to sound a little more like economics talking and falls under that legal category (which I can't remember the term it's called) where the action is just/legal and moral correct - but the motive is all wrong. I'm not saying there weren't concerned humanitarians somewhere in there, I'm just saying they only got a chance because it was no longer profitable to maintain the plantations, under slave labour (and perhaps otherwise) in the islands.

Every time we get on the topic I tend to go a lil' off-track until she has a blank expression on her face, and I query why she's looking like she doesn't know this from before... and then she shows me the textbook - the same textbook I learned from. *sigh* Africans weren't even backward people... Naive perhaps, but naivety does not equate backward. They were far more developed than England at that time... And England has just came out of it's Middle Ages to catch up with the rest of the world... Christopher Columbus wasn't the first to grace the islands, but that's still the story we're told - even though it's popular knowledge. OoOoOh... the deception.

***

So, how does this relate to holidays. My politics classes are not being very encouraging... Well, in actuality, how independent are we really? We're independently poor (lol). Like a child that fights to leave their parents house for the sake of, to struggle - literally and indefinitely - on their own. Our strings as an independent, developing territory is still being pulled by other larger countries and corporations. If you're truly independent, surely you'd have some power and influence over your writing your own script, eh? Therefore, how independent are we? We're not even "a big man... in we own house." (as my prof. loves to say)

And, I haven't done that much reading into the text as yet - I'll do that this week - aside from class lectures... But it seems to strike me as reminiscent of American politics. Not in the "look how successful" they are, because they're in debt and for the most part, they rule by arms. What struck me most about my American Poli. Sci. class in NY was that despite the general collective appearance to the rest of the world as a "United" body of states..... It couldn't be more divided... Sure they have some standard laws that the constitution governs over entirely... But each state has their own set of laws. What goes for one, doesn't necessarily go for the other. They move like smaller autonomous bodies within a larger body. Perhaps it's just my misconception, but I never saw how divided it was. Furthermore, the President doesn't (or didn't...I don't know if it's changed with Obama seeing the existing economic circumstances dictate more actual leadership and less puppeteering) have that much power or influence beyond a signature because the last thing they want is anything resembling a monarchy. It's almost as if their laws go fine, until something stops them. This blockade no matter how tiny is seen as an offense against their person, a threat to their liberty and somehow *confused face* bares semblance to rule under the monarch........And there commences the petition for a new law passed to guarantee their rights. For example, the right to burn the American flag. I really don't think this is the right way to engage in "symbolic speech" by flag desecration. (Click on the last sentence for the Wikipedia reference on this..)

Looking at the failure of Federation, the little arguments and such... The efforts to get CSME project on stream and such.... reminds me of the inter-state bickering of the US... which brings forth the next questions, would it work? Can it work? And does it really work?

***

On a minor aside, what I found most amusing about this weekend though... was the irony that while in school everyone complains about the mandatory uniform. Now that we're out of school, any theme event is an excuse for many of those same people to be willing to dress like everyone else. (..lol..) Furthermore, beyond the actual day celebrations, how many of them are actually that patriotic? Hmmm...? How many even voted last elections? And if yes, how many voted from actually thinking and making a proper decision, rather than under the political marketing with free concerts and t-shirts....?

End of rant.

***

Shelli out.

 2+2=x, ergo x=4....Algebra...complicating simple things since 1800 BC.

*stupes*

RiRi: "Shelli you're always on that BB"

Shelli: "..naw... of course not..."

RiRi: "I bet you does even sleep with it"

Shelli: *stops to look at her* "Umm.. well..."

RiRi: "Wait.. Nevermind I does sleep with mine too..."

Shelli: "Exactly!! That's how you know you're hopelessly single 

from who is potentially in something or taken. No phone on no 

bed means no one to call you're backside in the AMs"

I was just having the most interesting conversation with Donald.... well somehow we always end up on some obscure heavy topic but yea...

So we're talking about swearing for loved ones and cheating.

I always remember my dad telling me that he hates to get involved in people's business. Often he knows things, and despite knowing he'd say nothing, and if you came and told him he would act like he doesn't know.... Because he chooses not to get involved or part-take. As it relates to relationships, he continued with his theory that if the couple is happy as they are, why ruin it? Many times, a relationship is going good for the most part, and some concerned third party brings news of an outside affair, and the relationship falls apart and both parties end up miserable and heart broken. Therefore, by bringing news - have you really done a good thing?

Now by no means am I saying that I condone cheating. I can't even directly say that I wouldn't want to know. I'm a strange individual. In my short history of relationships, cheating (on me) has been consistent. But I've also been a rather paranoid person as well. First time I was young and uncertain of what a relationship was and if I understood what it meant to be in one. Second time I had trust issues, 3rd party issues and the notion of cheating falls into an arguably grey overlapping area. And the last guy... stupes.. the last guy should not have happened to begin with. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and you're not the great sorcerer Merlin so you can't miraculously change it to a cute, lovable, fluffy puppy - there's just certain things you don't do. And in each situation, I walked. I was sad for a lil' while, but that didn't stop the block and delete from my life process that ensued. I'm great friends now with both of my ex-es (the ones that count as people worth noting) but that's after an extended period of them ceasing to exist in my mind.

Had I not found out? Would things be different?

First of all, if you wanna be a player you have to know to play the game. Neither party really knew what they were doing, left enough traces unintentionally uncovered. And I have a way of finding things out. But let's say either was meticulous. That I wasn't distrustful or potentially unhappy... Let's assume that I was beaming from cheek to cheek almost everyday. Ok... so I was sometimes... That I was the best gf I could be, and treated my bf with respect, trust, etc... And they treated me similarly. There were no real foreseeable issues. Nothing that would make me remotely suspect a single thing.

And I know relationships like this... where the guy undergoes meticulous effort to cover every single base and have at least 3 circumstantially valid pre-planted potential "hunny I told you about this before..." explanations. The girl is happy. The guy is happy. (This is a very generalized he, her, him, girl, boy, guy now...not meant to be taken as an actual individual per se but an example) He doesn't cheat for lack of love and respect. He cheats because he can actually. Perhaps, because he thinks so highly of his gf that he doesn't want to do certain things with her because he doesn't want to see her in a too dirty light. Perhaps, because it's a long distance relationship.

He carefully chooses a cheating partner to eliminate the potential of information slippage... Reinforces the purely physical aspect of the "relationship" and that no one would take the place of his gf, especially not the cheat partner.

However, regardless the reason... The girl is happy in her ignorance. He's an integral part of her world. Helps her to be a better person.. all that good stuff. Likewise, the guy loves the girl to bits and pieces and shows her every chance he can - but cheats on the down low. Takes the time and effort to do it in such a way that her character is not compromised... or vice versa...

Now the third party comes in to do a favor and tell the trusting girl that her happy bubble needs prompt popping. The bubble gets popped, and all parties end up miserable. Or... in some instances, the couple look beyond it, forgive the cheating party and move on beyond the incident.

What would be the point? The value of such? If the people are happy in their existing situation, why should you get involved? What's in darkness will come to light eventually.. and if it doesn't, then oh well - it wasn't meant to.

By no means am I saying that I condone cheating... I'm just saying... If you know, chances are they probably do too... And if they don't know, is it really your part to get involved?



***

And as we continued the convo with regards to your value as a person in the relationship and stuff. I have mixed views. I'm opinionated, stubborn and sometimes...or most times.. in certain situations.. uncompromising unless I can be convinced that my stance is founded on false premises and yours is plausible.

I'm learning to try to always remember your value as a partner in any relationship. Be it a friendship, romance, etc. Everyone brings something to the table. If you're doing your part, being the best friend, gf, bf, whatever... that you could be sincerely and the other party is taking it for granted or decides they should want to leave. Let them.

Always remember your value. In the end, most times, they realize what they've lost and would come back. Always think of yourself, and everyone in your life as special and treat them accordingly. Everyone is special. And... if you lose any of those ones... you'd be losing a good thing. And most likely, you'd live to regret it.

I've had people list me as regrets (of having lost). My ex-es did say as much post-breakup, years later... I've had friends that have said as much as well (of course on a platonic level). Likewise, I have my list of people I regret losing that I ponder from time to time. I have moments where I re-think breakups... and I can't think of a person more absolute than me when I start to walk, so pride alone stops me from turning back after all my huffing and puffing.

Anyways... it's getting late and I'm forgetting the point of this post.

In conclusion, the main points I hope I made was that.. while cheating is not a good thing and should not be condoned, ignorance does equal bliss sometimes. And cheating doesn't necessarily mean you don't love the person - it could simply mean you're momentarily distracted by a shiney, new toy so to speak. Also, never forget your value as a person or ever forget you're special regardless, and treat others accordingly.

Shelli out.

How many people do you know are skilled in the art of messing up their OWN blog template...??? I don't even know how I managed such a feat. So I got a little carried away after I fell in love with the template and my genius blog name for my new photoblog "Don't take me home til the sun comes up". I felt it was too pretty for a photoblog and suited this one more... so I switched templates. Lo and behold, it was formatted to be a photoblog with a huge post and 3 columns of preview previous posts below. Thus, when I changed it here, it showed one post and had previews of all the others......which is all fine and dandy but I really hate having to click "read more" on post previews on other blogs. Perhaps it's laziness, perhaps it's lack of user friendliness, whatever it is - I don't like it.

So I switched it back. Epic fail. The photoblog is fine and in working order. I copied the exact xml code from the original template (because I copy-pasted it into Word prior to the switch). However, when I switched it back it the single column for the posts body came back up normal however it came up all in previews. *sigh* I couldn't the glitch in the code... And I even ponder tweaking both accordingly... But *sigh* that's way too much sifting and editing for me.

Long story short. New template.

Just.. Don't take me home... Till the sun comes up.

Shelli out