"My middle finger says 'hi' by the way"
-Eamon
***
And the game gives me a feeling that no one can take away from me.
Focus on your dreams.
Live out your reality.
Find your destiny.
Believe.
I believe I found the limitations to my open mindedness.
And...
Mankind does not know,
whether to laugh or cry.
And...
Mankind does not know,
whether to laugh or cry.
***
So I've been having the most absurd, amusing day ever...
Firstly, don't laugh too much or perk your eyebrows so much so that they hit your hairline, I got out of the car, grabbed my laptop. Walked to the bus stop to wait for the bus..................................................
............................and then realized I forgot my school bag in the car.
Who................... does that?! I mean aside from me.... but this is totally a one off experience... But.......How is that even possible?
Then I bounced into someone I stopped talking to a while now... hmmm....
Whatever man. Doesn't really put me out I guess...It's all inconsequential anyways... And if it isn't, as Dean Koontz would say -- There's always cake.
Natti saw it coming a thousand miles away.......regardless of what happens as of consequence.
~~~
It's like checking into this uber cool hotel.....and then realizing it sucks!!! Demonoid.
Ov-er-ra-ted.
Ares for the win.
Ov-er-ra-ted.
Ares for the win.
~~~
In conclusion... Does fate exist? And if yes, is it something that can be altered or evaded? For instance, children are somewhat destined to emulate what they see be it in their households and environment.... Therefore, is it fated to end up in a parallel adult existence upon entrance to adulthood? Is it possible to avoid it with conscious efforts to break old habits/patterns? Or... irregardless of those efforts "you can't keep running away from what you're trying to find."
~~~
I'm tired of letting other things take precedence over me... For once I shall start taking precedence for myself.
Starting with getting my book back... from my... community service...lol... amongst other things. (reference from an older post)
so... ♪♪ shut up and let me go ♪♪
Shelli. Out.
Ciao.
Here is my last effort to write this same post... that I've been trying to write all day but keep having interruptions.
There's a point in the book where the wise man explains that as a child each person knows their purpose but as they grow they stifle the voice and learn fear. They have dreams of impossibilities and potential achievements, learn fear then spend years trying to find that voice back fumbling around in the darkness. The key to this whole thing is to find that purpose.... that key and run with it. Seeing I'm still on this "Who I want to be" quest, it made me think of all the different things I've passionately wanted to do - and those that keep coming back up. Since I was a little girl I used to write - a lot. I have finished novels that I don't even remember writing, that's actually surprisingly good sans the modern additions of romance and such to thicken the plots. I wrote mostly adventure stories. Aside from that, I wanted to be a journalist. Me and my best friend at the time, Roxanne, would walk around the primary school documenting everything that happened. I even got one of those long ruled books (like those they give you to write lesson plans in school) and I would document everything in a formal dated format.
Then I switched primary schools, and developed an interest in Art. I mean, I used to draw all the time, but it was given as a formal subject at my new school and I dabbled in it. And throughout my interest with both, I've always loved caring for things. At one point my house was like a stray animal center. I rescued a baby chicken from some boys in the neighbourhood once, couldn't find its mother, and took it home and it became my pet. I also found a half-dead baby chicken in my mom's garden another time, brought it home and tried to nurse it back to health...Then there was a broken-winged pigeon which mom made me give away... And a snail.. I had a monkey for a day... A pet crab and crayfish... dogs... a sheep...
So umm... as I was saying...
Firstly, I decided to start back reading again. At one point I used to read so much.... and then I stopped. Since stopping, I've realized my writing starting to deteriorate in various ways and I'm actually at a loss for words in some instances. And if it were one thing, I was at least a little proud of my to-date (then) vocabulary.
Seeing my courses this semester are all forcing my to read a lot. I've decided to take front and start back getting into the habits. Starting with books people have been encouraging me to give a viewing, along with books I started and never bothered to finish (yes that includes all my college literature books from Grenada and NY).
So, I started and finished "The Alchemist" by Paul Cuelo... Click on the title to go directly to the e-book. Turns out, it is a great read. It's written very simply, and essentially tells a tale we've all heard before... well a tale some of us have heard before... but tend to forget. It's very inspiring.... so I finished it around 8, after a certain somebody called and officially woke me up. *cough* Sher *cough* ...and it set the pace for the remainder of the day.
There's a point in the book where the wise man explains that as a child each person knows their purpose but as they grow they stifle the voice and learn fear. They have dreams of impossibilities and potential achievements, learn fear then spend years trying to find that voice back fumbling around in the darkness. The key to this whole thing is to find that purpose.... that key and run with it. Seeing I'm still on this "Who I want to be" quest, it made me think of all the different things I've passionately wanted to do - and those that keep coming back up. Since I was a little girl I used to write - a lot. I have finished novels that I don't even remember writing, that's actually surprisingly good sans the modern additions of romance and such to thicken the plots. I wrote mostly adventure stories. Aside from that, I wanted to be a journalist. Me and my best friend at the time, Roxanne, would walk around the primary school documenting everything that happened. I even got one of those long ruled books (like those they give you to write lesson plans in school) and I would document everything in a formal dated format.
Then I switched primary schools, and developed an interest in Art. I mean, I used to draw all the time, but it was given as a formal subject at my new school and I dabbled in it. And throughout my interest with both, I've always loved caring for things. At one point my house was like a stray animal center. I rescued a baby chicken from some boys in the neighbourhood once, couldn't find its mother, and took it home and it became my pet. I also found a half-dead baby chicken in my mom's garden another time, brought it home and tried to nurse it back to health...Then there was a broken-winged pigeon which mom made me give away... And a snail.. I had a monkey for a day... A pet crab and crayfish... dogs... a sheep...
So umm... as I was saying...
I went to the kitchen to help mom do some baking, and try a couple recipes myself. I've been craving sweet stuff (again) whole week. I believe it's just my body looking for quick energy fixes since I'm not eating too proper..... But anyways, I decided on cheesecake and banana nut muffins. So after gathering all my ingredients, I realized I didn't have crackers for the crust. Dad refused to go buy crackers for me, so I (reluctantly) ended up walking down the road to go to the neighbourhood shop.
So I'm walking down my road, under my umbrella (because the sun is too hot for me), in my home clothes and as I round the corner at the bottom of my hill I hear lots of, what can only be described as, passionate harmonized shouting. It was coming from the Revival Faith church which I'm assuming must be a Shaka-Baptiste church, I could be wrong.. But I found myself intrigued and curious about what it's like... Yea yea yea I know.. I'm too curious. Oh well.
When I finally got to the shop I had a (not so) strange conversation with the shop keeper. Below is essentially how it went... (SK) - (shop keeper)
SK: "So yuh studying medicine at SGU?" *big grin*
Me: *slightly puzzled* "How do you know I'm going to SGU?"
SK: "I see you every morning when you going to school...
dem kinda hours it hadda be SGU you going" *grin*
*I ponder pointing out it could easily be college I'm going to...
and I do look young enough still but decide against it*
Me: "No... actually... I'm doing Liberal Studies" *small smile*
SK: *Now he's momentarily puzzled... and then smiles politely* "Oh.. umm..
ok.. that's nice"
And around that point was my cue to leave... So I left feeling slightly...ruffled? I mean, certain careers just hold prestige and charm behind it without the need for many words... But then let's say you declare you want to be a teacher - that is - a highly influential person molding the minds of tomorrow, capable of restoring hope in parents and stability in homes, etc... And you receive the polite smile, unless it's someone who has experienced teaching directly or indirectly to have an appreciation for it.
Recently, ever since I decided to abandon my Bio/Psych direction to pursue Liberal Arts, I've found myself constantly looking for reasons and means to validate taking this route. Last week, I came to the conclusion to specialize in English under it with a mix of business, perhaps art, and politics. (Or even double with politics.... but I don't want to be in school forever and a day either) And there's so much you can do with an Liberal Arts and..... even an English degree, if one should think practically.
With a Liberal Arts degree you're much more well rounded than other students who specialize within their first degree because you cover a little bit of everything. Often specialized degrees just cover the specialization, everything else regarding marketing oneself and such is a wing-it or link-it process. With a Liberal Arts degree you're supposed to have mastered the art of communication and expression along with developed a hypothetical backbone and fierceness to represent yourself in any given situation and essentially land almost any job... as the degree is so broad based. The most truly useful career skills -- such as the ability to express oneself clearly, concisely and forcefully -- are best acquired with that sort of degree(said by my Lit prof in NY). Furthermore, English can never be overrated as a degree. I'm increasingly believing it's underrated more and more each day. And it's increasingly becoming more necessary and requested by employers all over. This article shows the decline, it's effects and demands for it in the States.
End of rant......
....So I continued walking and passed by a paw paw tree that I never really saw before. It was right on eye level too. Naturally, I probably never noticed it because whenever I'm walking that road it's hurriedly at night with little effort or time to take in the surroundings. I saw a ripe paw paw on the tree and kept walking... Then stopped, remembered what the book said about omens. Turned around, went back, and picked it. I walked home rather pleased with myself... Not only did I have a bag of crackers but I had a whole paw paw as well. My joy was temporarily blemished when I got home and my parents asked if I picked it off the diseased tree along the road right before the bend.......which is exactly where I picked it.
But surprisingly, it tastes fine. Yay me. *high five to omens*
***
Long short... I baked a cheese cake and my muffins. Neither came out well and neither was my fault because a certain somebody *cough*mom*cough* kept tampering with the goods. But it came out ok enough.
Tomorrow I have to go do the exam for *hopefully* my future place of employment for the remainder of my schooling... Or at least a part of it. Only kink I foresee is training...
But walk with faith, collide with destiny. Tell the universe what you want, and it conspires to provide what you need to achieve it...
So watch me walk trustingly.
P.S. My semester seems to be much more challenging than I initially foresaw. But that's ok. Lazy I can be, but I love a class where I feel like I'm learning... and every minute in it means a minute of drinking up something I didn't know before... I think Ima enjoy it.
Deuces my lovelies....
Shelli OUT.
*throws up the peace sign*
oh... P.S.S.
Quote of the day: "There's a shortage of doctors... not a shortage of medical students." - Daniel
"...And even if I foresaw this
I just pushed it aside
to find a way to help you
make it work..."
But the truth is,
You don't see a way.
All you see is me
Grasping,
Stretching,
Reaching,
Frantically clutching,
Hoping,
Crying,
Wishing,
Dreaming...
That fraying ends don't burn
As much as they really do.
That the bleeding finger tips
And the charred, peeling skin
is just part of a reality
within a dream.
Therefore, it doesn't really exist.
All you see is me
in that constant state of denial
You watching, shaking your head
with quiet sighs...
"Don't worry baby,
if it's not ok,
it's not the end.
It's always ok in the end"
And you pull me closer,
Tighter,
Lovingly,
with more love than I've felt in a while.
With more sincerity than I've heard in a while,
With more of everything
and less confusion...
With no breaks.
There is no break,
Just a continuity of energy.
That fills me back with that much faith
That it will be ok in the end.
And I will survive to the end.
And I will be happy in the end....
...With or without you
How delightful... Blogger has an enhanced Edit bar when composing posts.. YAY...
So this year has been most interesting... I know I'm yet to post a very proper post but the inspiration keeps coming and then ebbing away.
I decided that this year I'm going to take (more) control over my life. Be it with regards to school, finances, even my art... any area that I can touch. I shall be pulling in the reigns.
Little things have been happening to make me feel more positive again about the rest of this year. I'm mastering the art of ignoring inconsequential stuff. I just have to learn to keep it up for beyond 2 weeks. It takes a month to build a habit, 2 weeks to give up and quit.
I'm even starting to draw again. I need to polish up my skill. Find my passion. Search within myself and find that part that I keep catch and releasing... and catch it, hold it, and keep it secret.... channel it, focus it and make it work for me.
On a sideline... I also think I'm going to enjoy my classes. Life is so unpredictable. I was uncertain as to what I wanted to do and such... After being a Business major, a Biology/Psychology major... I am now an English major with a slant mixed with a lil business, IT graphics and fine arts classes. You can never be too good... And fear of failure should never be a good enough reason to avoid what you love.
***
Life Lesson # 10 : Things don't always go as planned. Sometimes the best plans
turn out completely awry. However that's no excuse to duck and run for
cover... As Britney Murphey said in 'Little Black Book,' "sometimes,
you discover that if you let go of the steering wheel for a minute
you might just end up right where you belong...."
"Life is a waterfall...
One in the river...
One after the fall..."
-SOAD
So this year has been most interesting... I know I'm yet to post a very proper post but the inspiration keeps coming and then ebbing away.
I decided that this year I'm going to take (more) control over my life. Be it with regards to school, finances, even my art... any area that I can touch. I shall be pulling in the reigns.
Little things have been happening to make me feel more positive again about the rest of this year. I'm mastering the art of ignoring inconsequential stuff. I just have to learn to keep it up for beyond 2 weeks. It takes a month to build a habit, 2 weeks to give up and quit.
I'm even starting to draw again. I need to polish up my skill. Find my passion. Search within myself and find that part that I keep catch and releasing... and catch it, hold it, and keep it secret.... channel it, focus it and make it work for me.
On a sideline... I also think I'm going to enjoy my classes. Life is so unpredictable. I was uncertain as to what I wanted to do and such... After being a Business major, a Biology/Psychology major... I am now an English major with a slant mixed with a lil business, IT graphics and fine arts classes. You can never be too good... And fear of failure should never be a good enough reason to avoid what you love.
Hoy es adios...
Manana quisas...
Shelliiiiiiii
Deuces!!!
So randomly me and my old pal Vegar end up talking online and he's telling me about working and living over there... success as an artist and such...
and then he continues..... lol
So I failed to maintain this blog like I kept promising myself I would. I doubt this post is going to be very awesome anyways, because I ended up re-writing it so much I've lost my flow and inspiration....
Anyways, here goes.
I got a random phone call from a good old friend, Sher (Liz). And it was refreshing to talk to her, as it usually always is. It's like a gentle reminder of a simpler, less dramatic, more naive time with less responsibilities.
I factored in naive because I believe being an adult is over-rated. Being a child is bliss. You don't know enough to know fear, you know enough to know joy and simple pleasures, and you're carefree enough to believe the immeasurable possibilities that the world contains that.... when you become an adult, are taught to play it safe within the box; the world of responsibilities exist everyday and there's always one more to add to the list; and being happy and carefree becomes a conscious effort at some points because reality just happens to live in the forefront unless you choose to overlook it.
So... talking with Sher. As usual, we're good at hypothesizing and planning out oh-so-great ideas. Hopefully.. well not hopefully.. this year we shall accomplish our set collaborative plans.
Bleh.. I give up on this post. My eyes hurt. My head hurts. I'm going to nap.
On closing.... I close with two quotes.
Sher and I were musing about the major improvements in our lives in the romantic aspect.... For instance, she's one person I know understands when I say I really don't remember a certain someone's existence in my life. It's almost as if a whole year gets skipped over in my memory unless someone stops and asks specifics... and when they do it's like *confused face* I left something out... *racks brain* *light bulb* *sigh* Oh... right. Stupes.
I have very very vague memories of anything then... and the little I do remember is hardly anything really good...and the little good is tainted in some way... I have to sit and think long and hard and long and hard to come up with a memory... and all I could really come up with is that it's possible there was an alien abduction during that time which would explain the level of stupidity and the lack of recollection. I mean, anyone could understand that.
So enough about loser-ific people ... and more about quoting. Sher said something that just had me laughing for a good couple minutes.
Sher on dating losers: "It's like community service...! I've done my part!"
And my second quote that made me smile was from Donald. After having a long discussion about why it's important to live each day as your last, and theorizing that tomorrow never comes. The topic of hunger came up and I was showing off that I had lunch right before me and he didn't... to which he responded that he could always have revenge in the future... and I reminded him tomorrow never comes........and he said......
Donald on the tomorrow never coming : "The future is unpredictable but there is plenty of it left today...!"
Ciao.
Shelli out.
