Don't play with it

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Tonight I reconnected with an old friend. It's rather interesting how it happened. I have her saved as a yahoo contact on my msn. Now, yahoo contacts don't have a screen name - only an email address. After seeing this name popping up constantly and not knowing/remembering who it was - I messaged the person and found out it was Ames!! :D

Who is Ames? Ames is one of the first friends I made in college. She was a year ahead of me. I felt like a kid to her and she was a mentor of sorts, helping me through with my early days assignments - especially History. I don't know how I would've survived those 2 years of History class without her. Ok, I would've survived but her advice, notes and all sorts of helpful stuff really made a difference. She was also such a sweetheart and like a darling big sister to me. And what I remembered most about her was her absolute certainty about herself. She loved rock music. She loved being a tomboy. She knew what she believed in. And nothing was going to change that... and I was pretty much similar in college. 

*sigh* oh Ames... The irony is that I've always remembered her. I've always wanted to call and something would pop up and I'd forget. I was planning to surprise call her for her birthday this summer, and I don't even remember what happened to run intervention. I had her number on two cellphones from way back in 2004 in college. I lost one cellphone in NY last summer. I got a new cellphone with Digicel when I came back (and refused to join LIME) so my bf has my old LIME phone and got a Digicel one so I could call him. Over the summer, I went through the old phone looking for her number specifically with the intention of actually dialing...

“I am not the happiest person. In fact, in the battle between joy
and misery, I’d say that the latter often seems to prevail. I don’t
like this, and every day I refuse, for the eighty millionth time, to
put up with another minute of it. But the world does what it does,
and I often find it disagreeable. After all these years, I’m kind of
resigned to that. But I do have one thing on my side: I have
enormous faith. And hope. I am not speaking of the kind you
find in church or in the afterlife or in heaven or in the Saint James
Bible or in the Hare Krishna’s that we all encounter changing flights
in the airports of the world, I am speaking of a simple faith that
says that one way or another, no matter how many times I stumble
and stub my big toe, somehow life is going to work itself out.”

- Elizabeth Wurtzel

Oh well... nothing happens before it's time and everything happens for a reason. Sometimes people enter chapters of your life and leave. Sometimes they stay. And sometimes they re-enter at a later time. 

And I'm a firm believer of believing that I'm exactly where I should be in the exact moments I need to be in it, regardless of the circumstances. You never know the purpose of things happening the way it does, until time progresses and reveals all the answers.

Anyways, it was a very intense moment. It was difficult to decide where to start from to fill in the missing moments over the years. Turns out she thought I forgot about her... :(

"The best things said come last. 

People will talk for hours saying 

nothing much and then linger at the 

door with words that come with 

a rush from the heart." - Alan Alda

Which leads me to the picture I selected for this post. I stole it off another website but yeah... So we got on the topic of boyfriends and she was telling me about her experiences over the years and vice versa. She was asking me why I'm with him, what makes him a sweetheart, if he makes me happy... Don't mind the questioning - that's just how she is - she doesn't mean it how it sounds, it just falls out in sincere curiosity. 

At first, as usual, whenever I'm asked these sort of questions, I can think of everything and nothing at the same time. Why do you love someone? What makes them special over the rest? What makes you willing to tolerate them flaws and all? Generally, I hate such direct questions which force me to have to be this open... Also, in some ways it's like your response feels like it carries an extra unnecessary weight of "proof." Your selection of words, the sequence of phrases, everything seems to become important in the validation of proving your answer. Who likes to be placed on the stand for testimony outside of the courtroom?

It was weird. I got her off the topic of her line of questions and then next thing I know, I was telling the story of how we (my bf and I) met, the little things he did in the beginning that made me fall, how he makes me feel like a better person and to be a better person... the really small little quirks that make me smile... and then I couldn't stop talking. (Ok, that's an exaggeration... I didn't go overboard... I didn't even get to the mischievous grin and the twinkle in his eyes when he comes with some idea) I don't know if I "proved" anything, however, just telling the stories made me laugh and smile... But yea, it's hard to summarize into a few words on cue why I pick him... But he does make me very happy, and even if we're fighting and he's annoying the life out of me - I can't really fathom him not being in my life. He makes me feel safe. Yes, I know nothing in life is set in stone. Lots of things could happen... but right now that's how I feel... and been feeling this way a while now. Let me stop before I end up in a mushy sentimental moment and divulge too much information.

I conclude that describing love is like describing who you are. Ultimately you end up describing what you're comprised of but you can never put into plain spoken words of exactly who you are. It simply comes down to I am who I am. You are who you are. It is what it is. And that's the truth.

And yea, for some weird reason, beyond my comprehension, the whole world, or at least a big chunk of it, reminds me of him.


Ça suffit. À bientôt. Shelli out.