Don't play with it

*** WARNING ***

This is going to be a super long post.

(filled with pics and vids)

(and lots of *gasp* words)

Life Lesson # 12 : When you come to that fork in the road, take it.

-Yogi Berri 

***

Today I've been musing about all sorts of things but mostly revolving around choices. And well, my oh so eventful weekend.

When you really think about it, that's all that life comes down to - making choices. A friend was telling me the other night about a series of what if's regarding her relationship. What if she was really meant to be with her ex, who was a really good guy but they broke up, and not her current bf who's seemingly not as sweet as her ex but obviously has his own weight of value in her life? What if?

What if I should've stayed in NY last year and pushed and found a way to see my way through it? What if I decided to do Life Sciences at SGU when I returned? What if me and my ex never broke up? What if I never met my current boyfriend? What if I never taught those two years? What if I went straight to study in the States after high school? What if I never moved out in NY?

There will always be a what if... but that's the beauty of life, ain't it? I know I wrote a similar post a while back musing over what ifs regarding last year. But that's the thing.

In reality, there's no real good choice or bad choice. Hindsight is really only 20/20 regardless of how you flip it. Someone's seemingly bad choice, could be your best choice were you in their shoes... Different people need different experiences to bring them to certain breaking points so that they could grow.

The trick is, making a decision that involves some sort of risk and not just the easy stuff. You don't grow with the easy stuff. Moving out, that was a tough decision. 

I grew up relatively sheltered. Regardless of how extensively I had previously traveled, that summer of 2009 was the first on-my-own voyage without parents there to hold my hand. Moving to Yonkers, a place I've never been before, unfamiliar territory. No prior experience on taking care of myself to that extent where the entire responsibility of how you survive weighs entirely upon you (except for bills... daddy helped cover that but within a budget). 

It was scary. I had a lot of people who didn't think I was ready for it. I heard that I was young, I still needed someone there, I needed guidance, etc etc. But anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows that I'm stubborn, independent minded and not afraid of taking on such risky ventures once I've wrapped my mind properly around the idea of it.

And guess what? Despite all those who didn't believe I could pull it off... I did. I had food in my fridge to last me weeks if at any given point I was unable to buy groceries because of low funds. I would shop at the supermarkets as sales permitted, go to class with my grocery bags and carry it the whole hour and some journey via train and bus home. I had to organize laundry days, study hours, time for cleaning, time for cooking... and figure out alternatives for all of the aforementioned should I mess up my schedule. 

I ate healthy for the most part because I got into the whole anti-high fructose corn syrup thing... I started making my own juice at home with cane sugar and limes, eating sunflower seeds, prunes and blueberries for snacks, I had frozen ice cream yogurt in my fridge because it was healthier than normal ice cream. In fact, I spent more money on frozen yogurt with real fruit slices (with Enda) than on regular ice cream for the entire duration of that year in NY. And I didn't return home malnourished. My grades were good - I got all As and one C in Micro-econ (but thats because in my mind I already signed off on paying attention in class). I didn't party every weekend like everyone thought was my ulterior motive.

I was home most weekends, chatting with friends from back home, my bf, cooking, doing laundry, etc. The few, and literally few times, I made it out at nights were with Enda and Adia and it was nothing lawless... just to chill in the city for a bit.

Ohhh.... I fell in love with the pub right by my house though. I discovered it late, but I used to go shoot pool on a regular and have dinner there sometimes when I did discover it.

Moving back was another decision that I wasn't sure that would pan out too well. I'm still uncertain about how well it's working. In many ways, I'm happy. There's a lot less stress. I must admit, just like Dahl admitted recently about having his mom move in with him, there's a lot of perks to living with the parents. Mom cooks and packs my lunch like old times, washes my clothes and irons it sometimes. (Although mind you, in my fierce independent moments I declare I want to do all those things myself and I get ignorant and do it myself) (Most of) My friends are here... My hunny bunny is here. But on the flip side, I know why the caged bird sings. *sad face* There's nothing like tasting freedom and the bittersweet/blissful weight of responsibility and then losing it completely. Along with all the perks are alllll the rules that existed before I moved out. *sigh*

But it's only for a time right? However, the point of saying all this is that... you don't really know. All you can do is make a decision, and see it through regardless. Then if you don't like how it's going, then make another decision, and see it through and so forth.

Avoid the fear of risk. I don't know. At one point in time I was terrified of change and lived for the expectations of people...

And now, although I try to follow most of societies norms and expectations, I try to dance to the beat of my own drum... paving my own route and figuring it all out as I go along.

I refuse to be one of those people, although I'm guilty on occasion, that look back years later in life saying "maybe I should've done this... or have done that." So long as it's not completely insane, and I truly believe it's for the betterment in my personal development logically as a decision, I shall do it. And then, I'll figure out how to deal with the consequences as I go on... There will always be consequences regardless of what you decision you make. *shrug*