A triangle trying to fit into a circle.. you tried to cut me so i'd fit.. doesnt it sound familiar?

By 12:14 AM ,

You know things are bad when it's only midnight and you resort to blogging after being MIA for months... or atleast it feels like it's been months since I've posted proper.

You also know its bad when you're so restless that you re-sign online after midnight, after shutting down your pc 15 minutes prior, onto your 100+ contact list IM account where there is always someone on. And funnily enough you picked the one night when the rest of the world is tired and decidedly gone to bed early but you, oh genius... spent the entire day sleeping to escape reality to only for it to catch up with you in the moment the world is most silent and you're most awake with your own thoughts.

I stumbled across a photo online the other day that had scribbled on it how you only realize how lonely the night is when you're the only one up, can't fall asleep, constantly thinking and then comes the moment when you stop thinking and you're just silent... and the dawning realization sets in.

So the thoughts have stopped. Now it's just me, the crickets and the occasional passing vehicle on the main road. Stupes.

I want to sleep. I want to be so tired that my eyes are closing down on me and the second my head hits the sheets I'm out... So I can get up early in the morning and get my business sorted.

I spent the whole of today letting things happen to me and being bothered by it. Two cheers for a pity party. Now that that's over, and a day has been wasted on "going with that feeling" and "appreciating that anger/annoyance" (lol) I dedicate today, Friday, July 24th as the day that magic happens.

I really need to start getting my business in order. Tomorrow I shall do up the rest of goals to cover the rest of the year. My 6 month goals have been covered more or less I believe.

Got my GPA up. Moved out and *gasp* survived on my own. Decided on my majors (twice). Re-applied, transferred out and got accepted to another university. Sounds like progress, feels like progress... just isn't happening as quickly as I would envision it to...

But then again, I'm known for many things, but patience isn't one of them.

My new game plan for the rest of the year involves the potential of getting a job, because this full-time student with parental cash flow isn't working too righteous. It also covers trying to get my GPA up even higher because I think it's just laziness that's keeping it down now... And learning some patience.

OOoOo so there's nothing more petrifying like moving back home. Ooo the joys of uncertainty and the fear of the unknown intermingled with everything you ran away from. Yay. Well, everyone has to face down their demons some time? I say, it's better to deal with it now... than deal with it later. And fear is no reason to run in the opposite direction.

And lack of understanding from others isn't a reason either. So long as I get it, I figure that's what matters for now. Everyone else can catch up with me eventually.

On an aside, my skin feels strangely tender. And as usual, googling symptoms is always the perfect way to freak yourself out. Anyways, it's not the first time.. and the doctors says it's nothing.. Infact one online told someone with similar symptoms that it's stress/anxiety related and not due to any dire internal problem. I'll just... see what happens.

For the coup de gras.......

There is none.
But I shall make another, what feels like a futile effort, to fall back asleep.
Shelli out

(believe it or not.. this convo
was completely unrelated
to anything skimmed over
in this post...)
Under the blood, above the influence...Eat your
heart out sweetheart ;) says (12:42 AM):
*ya life throws you swerves ever so often
*the next couple months are gonna be testing
Under the blood, above the influence...Eat your
heart out sweetheart ;) says (12:43 AM):
*but what's life without challenges
Shelli... says (12:46 AM):

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  1. waw Shellz, i really love this post!

    sounds silly right? why?
    you sound so... real? the honesty in it seems to leap of the page at me and the seen is so vivid

    or...maybe i've just had too many of those moments myself?

    your strength is very tangible in this entry :)

    u go girl