Don't play with it

[Disclaimer: the following poem quote is just something I stumbled on that was most amusing to me and is in no way related to my relationship nor any experiences on my part]

***

Easter came... Easter went. It was most... hmmm... interesting shall I say? It has actually taken me a couple days to get my mind around some stuff to decide exactly how I want to blog about it. I still haven't decided... However, I figure if I don't start, the post will never get written and I might end up inadvertently taking an indefinite break from blogging.... so here goes. Material may be offensive and very inaccurate but it's entirely opinion so feel free to correct me, put in your two cents, or whatever.

Firstly so it wasn't the complete disaster I expected. Perhaps there's some merit in what my darling friend Ray tried to convince about doing stuff for the better and expecting it not to work out so as to circumvent disappointment and maximize that warm fuzzy feeling inside when it works out. [That argument shall be discussed later or in a/the consequent post since it peeved me as well] I spent Friday with my favourite person, watched movies and all that fun stuff. Also, I had braced myself with the possibility of not seeing said person at all because I know how busy my schedule (should've) been considering the not even to my neck but to my nose amount of work I have to finish before the month ends. Yes, I am intimidated by it. Yes, I should've heeded all of my professors advice when they said "start working on it from now..." But, you know how hard ears pickney does stay... Back on topic, so I got to spend like 2, almost 3, days with them of the 4 day weekend. *big grin* So Easter wasn't that bad. I also covered some schoolwork, not as much as I anticipated, but some nuntheless.

For the most part I was home. My good friend Carly wanted to do something on Easter Monday, so I joined her and a couple other friends to go to a cook in La Tante Bay and then go to Bathway.

There begins my rant...

The last time I went to Bathway was too far back for me to remember, much less me remembering what Bathway at Easter was like.

(gosh... I lost my vibe to finish this post again but I shall still try...)

Ok so we went up. It was packed with people...and dark because it was night. There was lots of music, lots of smoke and such from people doing barbeque and roasting corn, etc. There were one or two vehicles trying to crawl through the crowd....And we weaved our way through to where I believe was the last DJ and stayed there. The bar had these rave-like green and red laser lights that were flashing all over.

Where does my peeves begin? Why was I peeved that evening?

So myself, Sheba, Carly and her other friend are standing there, drink in hand, listening to the music, observing what's going on...

What was going on? I saw literally a handful of females. This is not to say there were not many women on the beach, because I honestly don't know. However where we were there were far more men than women. There was an area right in front where there were a bunch of guys dancing ranging from as young as probably 8-10 yrs go up. It was "gangsta" dancehall music, so they were doing the whole crotch grab while looking down at the ground and pointing two "gunshot" fingers in the air.

Naturally, well, naturally to me and Sheba, a fight was inevitable. The guys are drunk, the music is violent, it's like the perfect setting. Furthermore, it was almost as if as females it was best that we didn't even show up because we weren't even really being acknowledged - not that we wanted to be harassed by men, but it's practically customary at parties/fetes. It was as if all they could see were each others as guys, to drink and be merry and do the gunshot dance... blah blah blah... I've lost interest in this post. In a nutshell they were playing gangsta music. Big fight break out. Man get chop. Who get stab stab, who get chop chop... And I don't know if anyone actually died. But it was ridiculous. And I'm almost certain it's over something petty or just some ignorant stuff.... 'cuz that's what it typically is.

It reminds me of my Poli Sci prof's statements...... How could we claim to be so independent and forward moving as a nation... developing and striving towards greater things... supposedly moved past the days of slavery which we celebrate on Emancipation day in August... yet we can't even communicate and sort out petty grievances without someone feeling "disrespected" and feeling the need "to chop" the other party to bring about a (false) resolution? Seriously. We can't even communicate with each other on the basest level. That's where we're at as a nation. Good job.

But whatever... I had a good weekend...cuz of my honey bunny, and girlfriends.

Deuces.
Shelli out

 Love Poem

To love deeply
Is to hurt always.
It's an ongoing compromise,
A forever sacrifice,
A note to oneself:
Love shallower in the next life.

It's a pool of intensity
Of desire, caring,
concern, worry,
consideration, obsession,
passion, compromise,
and love...
...whatever that means

So this has been the most interesting week. The irony is that I'm inspired. The sad part is that my grades don't seem to be reflecting it.

So it started off on a sour note, and in retrospect it seemed like I endeavored everyone to join me in the pity party I was hosting. Fortunately, I don't like attending other people's pity parties and nor do my friends. So one of them, in not so sympathetic terms told me exactly what I should do with my pity aspirations and ran me. I took offense, but now, I realize they were right.

Every moment you spend being depressed and unhappy, is a moment you can spend otherwise inspired, happy, doing something productive, working towards your dreams, etc.

So... I've had some time to cool down and do some reflection.

I started thinking seriously about my life again. What would I like to be doing ideally? Who would the ideal me be with, what sort of friends would I have, what goals would I want to achieve, etc... They say the first step to being successful is to create the idea of the ideal person you'd like to be down to the colour he/she paints their nails if he/she paints their nails at all. And then, become that person.

So I thought about my ideal major and what I would like to do... And I found myself wishing that if SGU offered a Communications program that it would be more along the lines of what I'd want ideally as opposed to an English Degree. Then that whole walk with purpose, collide with destiny thing happened.

That is, I went to my last Lit class the next day and the prof told us that she's trying to launch a Communications track under Liberal Studies and we should be able to do a semester abroad with the possibility of interning with CNN, Disney World, etc... Now, it's not written in stone... But SGU has become that much more a tolerable place for me. And the idea couldn't have presented itself at a more receptive moment.

Now, I can actually say I have something that I'm happy to work towards...

***

For less important news, I'm annoyed and frustrated and I should probably just go sleep. But I can't, because I have an essay due tomorrow that needs to be finished (and started). Double stupes.

I conclude, I don't have to take this. I already foresee this whole holiday weekend not just flying by the way I would like, but dragging me through each borderline intolerable/painful/boring/nostalgic moment like Christmas... and 10 years from now I'll still be complaining about it at every and any given opportunity but by then I could say it's over and done with and perhaps some of my annoyance would've ebbed away - I doubt, but one can hope. Hopefully I won't end up repeating it every year, and being in this same situation every year. Stupes. Know what? Promise to self - my birthday will not suck. I am determined to enjoy it regardless. I'm going to start planning from now.. Hmph.. Three cheers for celebration.

 I'm going to party. I'm going to bake a cake. I'm going to celebrate with friends. I'm going to wear a cute dress - or something cute. I'm going to buy myself a celebratory cocktail the night and a pina colada (yes I know that's a cocktail too) during the course of the day. I will not allow myself to be disappointed in any way, shape or form. It's going to be epic.

Know what? I can do better than that... first rule of avoiding disappointment, lower your expectations.

However, all for now, I reserve the right to be annoyed. And I shall continue to be annoyed for the next couple minutes until I obliterate all annoying thought with my essay. Until I fall asleep and hopefully it shall not assault me in my dreams...

I ♥ you know who... Suddenly annoyed.

Shelli out.
Deuce, it's been real.

This is going to be a short post. Mostly because I'm insanely tired.

I ended up going to bed minutes to three this morning... and it offset my resent normalization of sleep patterns so I'm right back where I started.

...that is, lying in bed, tired no ras, and sleep lingers just beyond the horizon point and laughing at me... Mocking me.

As for defeatist actions... All the mesh on all the windows, has not stopped the mosquitoes from simply entering through the front door. After spraying out my room for mosquitoes because they're partially keeping me awake (and ruining my skin), my dad thoughtfully opened my door to welcome the mosquitoes in the rest of the house to take up new residency in my room - I mean.... He opened my door to air out the insecticide as opposed to open my lovely effective mesh covered windows. *sigh*

The second I hear one buzz, I'm going to open back my bedroom door and admit defeat that I can't get rid of those pesky mosquitoes.... and take my bites like a woman.

I also have an exam to study for tomorrow. But I'm sooo tired. It's not even funny. I'm just going to go straight to bed and revise during the day. I'm ok enough to pull it off... hmm...

***

As for the good news (and favourite things)? I had a truly blissful weekend. I'm still smiling from it. I have the most awesome friends and an adorably sweet bf.

More good news? Check this show out... It's called Greek. It's essentially based on a storyline involving fraternities and sororities. However, it's much more than that. There's a geeky guy trying to pledge a fraternity, and his super cool sister who's his complete opposite that's president in one of the most prestigious sorority chapters. The story is told as to how both of them deal with it, their parents disapproval of the Greek system, as well as coping with overall university life. All in all, I think it's pretty interesting.... Ooh, there's also a nice bit of engaging romance along with petty drama to keep things fun. Check out the direct link to live streams of all seasons (just because I care) by clicking anywhere on this sentence.. or any underlined part of this paragraph.

Shelli out. Enjoy.
Off to fight battles in sleep. Deuce.

I was just having the most interesting conversation with Donald.... well somehow we always end up on some obscure heavy topic but yea...

So we're talking about swearing for loved ones and cheating.

I always remember my dad telling me that he hates to get involved in people's business. Often he knows things, and despite knowing he'd say nothing, and if you came and told him he would act like he doesn't know.... Because he chooses not to get involved or part-take. As it relates to relationships, he continued with his theory that if the couple is happy as they are, why ruin it? Many times, a relationship is going good for the most part, and some concerned third party brings news of an outside affair, and the relationship falls apart and both parties end up miserable and heart broken. Therefore, by bringing news - have you really done a good thing?

Now by no means am I saying that I condone cheating. I can't even directly say that I wouldn't want to know. I'm a strange individual. In my short history of relationships, cheating (on me) has been consistent. But I've also been a rather paranoid person as well. First time I was young and uncertain of what a relationship was and if I understood what it meant to be in one. Second time I had trust issues, 3rd party issues and the notion of cheating falls into an arguably grey overlapping area. And the last guy... stupes.. the last guy should not have happened to begin with. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and you're not the great sorcerer Merlin so you can't miraculously change it to a cute, lovable, fluffy puppy - there's just certain things you don't do. And in each situation, I walked. I was sad for a lil' while, but that didn't stop the block and delete from my life process that ensued. I'm great friends now with both of my ex-es (the ones that count as people worth noting) but that's after an extended period of them ceasing to exist in my mind.

Had I not found out? Would things be different?

First of all, if you wanna be a player you have to know to play the game. Neither party really knew what they were doing, left enough traces unintentionally uncovered. And I have a way of finding things out. But let's say either was meticulous. That I wasn't distrustful or potentially unhappy... Let's assume that I was beaming from cheek to cheek almost everyday. Ok... so I was sometimes... That I was the best gf I could be, and treated my bf with respect, trust, etc... And they treated me similarly. There were no real foreseeable issues. Nothing that would make me remotely suspect a single thing.

And I know relationships like this... where the guy undergoes meticulous effort to cover every single base and have at least 3 circumstantially valid pre-planted potential "hunny I told you about this before..." explanations. The girl is happy. The guy is happy. (This is a very generalized he, her, him, girl, boy, guy now...not meant to be taken as an actual individual per se but an example) He doesn't cheat for lack of love and respect. He cheats because he can actually. Perhaps, because he thinks so highly of his gf that he doesn't want to do certain things with her because he doesn't want to see her in a too dirty light. Perhaps, because it's a long distance relationship.

He carefully chooses a cheating partner to eliminate the potential of information slippage... Reinforces the purely physical aspect of the "relationship" and that no one would take the place of his gf, especially not the cheat partner.

However, regardless the reason... The girl is happy in her ignorance. He's an integral part of her world. Helps her to be a better person.. all that good stuff. Likewise, the guy loves the girl to bits and pieces and shows her every chance he can - but cheats on the down low. Takes the time and effort to do it in such a way that her character is not compromised... or vice versa...

Now the third party comes in to do a favor and tell the trusting girl that her happy bubble needs prompt popping. The bubble gets popped, and all parties end up miserable. Or... in some instances, the couple look beyond it, forgive the cheating party and move on beyond the incident.

What would be the point? The value of such? If the people are happy in their existing situation, why should you get involved? What's in darkness will come to light eventually.. and if it doesn't, then oh well - it wasn't meant to.

By no means am I saying that I condone cheating... I'm just saying... If you know, chances are they probably do too... And if they don't know, is it really your part to get involved?



***

And as we continued the convo with regards to your value as a person in the relationship and stuff. I have mixed views. I'm opinionated, stubborn and sometimes...or most times.. in certain situations.. uncompromising unless I can be convinced that my stance is founded on false premises and yours is plausible.

I'm learning to try to always remember your value as a partner in any relationship. Be it a friendship, romance, etc. Everyone brings something to the table. If you're doing your part, being the best friend, gf, bf, whatever... that you could be sincerely and the other party is taking it for granted or decides they should want to leave. Let them.

Always remember your value. In the end, most times, they realize what they've lost and would come back. Always think of yourself, and everyone in your life as special and treat them accordingly. Everyone is special. And... if you lose any of those ones... you'd be losing a good thing. And most likely, you'd live to regret it.

I've had people list me as regrets (of having lost). My ex-es did say as much post-breakup, years later... I've had friends that have said as much as well (of course on a platonic level). Likewise, I have my list of people I regret losing that I ponder from time to time. I have moments where I re-think breakups... and I can't think of a person more absolute than me when I start to walk, so pride alone stops me from turning back after all my huffing and puffing.

Anyways... it's getting late and I'm forgetting the point of this post.

In conclusion, the main points I hope I made was that.. while cheating is not a good thing and should not be condoned, ignorance does equal bliss sometimes. And cheating doesn't necessarily mean you don't love the person - it could simply mean you're momentarily distracted by a shiney, new toy so to speak. Also, never forget your value as a person or ever forget you're special regardless, and treat others accordingly.

Shelli out.

So I've been having the most absurd, amusing day ever...

Firstly, don't laugh too much or perk your eyebrows so much so that they hit your hairline, I got out of the car, grabbed my laptop. Walked to the bus stop to wait for the bus..................................................

............................and then realized I forgot my school bag in the car.

Who................... does that?! I mean aside from me.... but this is totally a one off experience... But.......How is that even possible?

Then I bounced into someone I stopped talking to a while now... hmmm....

Whatever man. Doesn't really put me out I guess...It's all inconsequential anyways... And if it isn't, as Dean Koontz would say -- There's always cake.

Natti saw it coming a thousand miles away.......regardless of what happens as of consequence.

So I've found myself in this same position sitting before the laptop several times for the year thus far. My fingers hovering indecisively over the keyboards, my thoughts swirling so fast it's almost as if they are reduced to nothingness and cease to be. The difference between then and now; the difference that ends this hiatus, is my decision to end it.

If we wait for inspiration, it may never come, thus making it an indefinite period of waiting. We must therefore start, and let inspiration come to you. I've made a point to start painting and writing again. A slow start... I've abandoned my first painting effort but I've found inspiration in my second effort... I need to get a frame to stretch my canvas though... but I'm making it work. I shall call this piece "Sunset in my veins" ... mm hmm... perfect.

And I'm going to try and get this running again... before my writing abilities depart from me...




So all of a sudden recently I've been feeling this reluctant spiritual calling. Not because I need saving... I'm not even sure why, but my spirit is unsettled and it doesn't seem to stay settled long enough to keep me content. I guess I have too many questions and too little answers for it to be settled...... anyways.....

....Today, after (admittedly) playing dodge ball with campus "group Bible studies", my friend E. and I found ourselves sitting at the table (since all the other tables were occupied and we were just too lazy to make the rounds again) with the study group.

Low and behold I felt like myself again.... for all the wrong reasons.

When it comes to religion, I've always been on a curious course of 'seeking the truth' but never fully succeeding in following through with all this seeking. In the end, I end up just living my life, and trying to live within the rules of what I think is right and wrong.

The irony is, the discussion I found myself in just reminded me of all the reasons I find myself hesitant about these kind of dealings. I found myself following along with the reading of a pre-selected scripture. The second I settled and thought to myself '...hey this is just what I was looking for, oooo a sign from 'God'..." the leader makes a comment. And that's how it ended, or began. Somehow I always seem to stumble across poor examples of religious people when I have these moments of serious pondering... Religion needs to pick better ambassadors.

So the scripture was selected. I vaguely remember where it was from... I'm not going to lie and say I read the Bible because I don't. Atleast, not often enough for it to qualify as reading. Nuntheless, I know enough because of the amount of people I have around me who are always quoting scripture readings and finding parallels to draw between it and their own lives. Anyways.. enough digression.

So back on course. The scripture selected was about having 'the word' as your rock and being like a builder, building your foundation on something solid as opposed to sand. The purpose of this scripture, however, in my interpretation based on the consequent events was merely to open the doors to criticize other people. This kind of Bible-using behaviour annoys me. This just reminds me of the slave masters who just kept finding scriptures to justify their inhumane enslavement of other people a couple hundred years back. (if I'm to pick just one example)

Soooooo.... My Bible-study-session-cum-gossip-table-with-Bible-citations was actually to open the doors to criticize a congregation sprinkled with adulterers. Apparently, the guy wants to leave or left the church because of that and felt a compulsion to share this knowledge with us and impart judgment on the situation.... Perhaps, he wanted a cookie for this? As things progressed I realized he saw the situation in black and white. The person is wrong, they need to repent or go to hell. And.... to make matters worse, he said that the few people engaged in such activities are "like yeast in bread - they will blow up into the whole church and corrupt it."

These kind of situations annoy me. I'm not saying what the people are doing is right. But,

a) who gives him the right to judge them?

b) As a Christian, he is supposed to do what Jesus would do or something of the sort right? (WWJD?) Therefore, if I recall correctly, Jesus did say he isn't here for the righteous... Since he knows better, and no one else is doing anything about the situation, and he feels so strongly about it.... why doesn't he find a tactful way to address the matter without calling names or being insultive? Try to understand the root of the problem and help the persons in question understand the error of their ways?

c) This whole yeast in bread analogy... now really? Your faith is supposed to be on a solid foundation... doesn't that say that your faith is weak, if someone else cheating on their spouse makes you feel like cheating? Because I associate with someone who does something doesn't necessarily mean I will do it too. The likelihood of my engaging in whatever activity increases... but that depends on how strong minded and confident I am within and of myself.. How strong my faith... my resolve...

d) Lastly... I've learned that there are generally layers to most problems. Granted, crazy people walk amongst us all the time. But I don't believe the majority of people are crazy, and even the crazy people have a method to their madness... How can you judge someone when you're not living their lives? You don't know what they're going through and what has led them to take the paths that they have taken right or wrong... and if you don't know the root of the problem, can you truly help?

This reminds me of a movie I'm sure I already wrote about called "Boy A". Its a paradigm example to illustrate what I'm really trying to get at...

In it, the long short, 2 boys kill a little girl at a very very young age - very gruesome murder. They're sentenced to life (I think) then the courts decide to reduce the sentence. One boy gets murdered (implied) by the parents of the girl. The other boy is released back into society under a new name and identity in his late teens.

As the movie rolls on, you see the gruesome murder BUT you also see the traumatic lives of the boys. What they did wasn't right, but.... they reacted the only way they knew how to considering the abuse they were suffering in their lives at the hands of the people that's supposed to be taking care of them. They reacted to the girl's goading which was quite condescending... The boys were of a lower class and a bit eccentric and she was insulting them.

The boy that returned back to society did feel remorse, really was making an effort to be a good person... However, the jealousy of his friend's (parole officer?) wayward son, over how much care and concern he had for the boy, led to the deliberate revelation of the boy's identity. During the course of the film, the boy also rescues a little girl in an accident... he's really trying to make amends. However, people are judgmental despite their less-than-perfect lives. They judge him based on face value of what he has done and actually don't care about rehabilitating him. He ends up killing himself in the end. It's easy to pass judgment on an isolated situation, it takes more humane compassion to care enough to figure out why and help fix the problem - before it really does permeate through the society......

....but the question is, who decides our fate? Do you have the right to judge someone because of what they've done? Is sin not sin, simply? Or... are there different levels by which sin, that is supposed to be universally unacceptable, becomes acceptable? And... where do we draw the line of the double standard?


***

I'm sleepy...


Shelli reinvented.
Shelli out.
*curtsy bow*

***

Yea yea yea... you swear it's not you, it's someone you used to know... blah blah blah.

I seek solace in the knowledge that karma is a b*tch on training wheels.

Today was exhausting... I had a 6 hour break between classes. I must have been an idiot to not see this being a potential issue when I was planning my class schedule. It's thoroughly depressing to be in school for so long... studying, or trying to find something to keep you awake.

Also, I discovered playing with Pandora's box isn't that fun afterall. In a quiet corner, I find out more than I ever dreamed of...

Now if only all this information excess was of some academic value....

And since it isn't it shall be disregarded and discarded as unimportant...



Just remember like our faithful ex-PM used to say...

"Brothers and Sisters... what goes around, comes around..."

Shelli out.

Every day I wake up.. well recently... I look around and wonder *minus a couple expletives* how I got here.

I mean... I squint my eyes. I tilt my head. I put on my glasses. I squint my eyes some more. I tilt my head the opposite direction. I slap my cheeks in the untimely (but fortunate) event that I'm dreaming... AND then I realize and go..."Dang...chile..." *blink blink* "How the HELL did I reach here?"

Then I switch gears to DILLIGAF mode, gather my things, roll through with hater blockers. Or perhaps not entirely with the hater blockers, but the mere conscious thought of acting is if I am wearing a pair. An effort to rise above the preconceived stares and questioning glances. An effort to rise above and swim up to the surface of this rising flood and take that gulp of fresh air.

Show my new profound understanding of what it means to have self-preservation instincts to kick in. Only the strong survive right? And like Sara Bareilles said "head underwater, and they tell me, breathe easily for a while. Breathing gets harder - even I know that."


***

So I proceed to walk along on my journey. Believe me I'm stumbling... oh how I stumble. BUT the important thing is that I'm moving. The important thing, the imperative bottom line is that there's movement forward. A centimeter, a millimeter, an inch... it's still a fraction away from where I once was.

I believe all these past couple months have made me more spiritual. *gasp* I'm having serious notions of going to church. *bigger gasp*.

I've philosophizing a lot... Replaying the past events, reconnecting dots, re-concluding conclusions... I believe that I am right with my beliefs, even if not 100% more than 50% right... about every shade of gray that added to the dreariness of the situation. Now every thought, and every word, and every recollection pieces itself together like links in a chain, strengthened by the minute, strengthening my resolve to get up.

Yes I believe it's official. The nail, the pain in my backside, finally hurts enough for me to get up and do something about it... rather than sit and wallow and complain and be melodramatic and sulk... Let's hope the memory of the pain lasts long enough for me not to forget and plant my rear back in the same spot before I move away far enough.

Regarding my recent philosophies on life... The inspiration that overwhelmed me last weekend to right it has ebbed away and been replaced with temporary frustration because of something that happened, again. But I'm learning to recognize it better every day. And in time I would learn how to stop myself from being in that given situation... with all things - time, great patience and long memory.

***

Somebody ring the alarm... another fine woman's coming... ohhh ehhhh...

*giggle*

***

I'm feeling sick now.. mind you this is 3 hours after my last break since I started this post.

Shelli out.

This is going to be a very short post. *I think*

I spent most of the day starting and stopping this post. My mood changed tremendously...

Now I guess I'm just humbled and shocked... "seasons change, but people don't" makes sense now...well valid sense... Does anyone really change? Suppressing who you are... or who you "were" just affects things for now... things must arise sometime...

I desperately hope I'm wrong... and that there's some fraction of error that could reverse events... like Bon Jovi's "say it isn't so... tell me it's not true..."..

***

Shads is out of the hospital. They still don't know what was wrong with her... but she's fine now...

I have nothing much more to say...
But I discovered a song from a couple years back, with an old feel to it... "Give me a reason" (also called "Glory Box") by a British band named Portishead.

The lyrics are pretty decent too...




***

I'm out.
nite...

Cartwheels and daisies. Smiling sun clears the wariness from your eyes. Dew drops on the fresh blossoms. A kind soul, true and deep. Everlasting soul to keep.

It feels good, to be right, in every way that matters. It feels good to have answers to questions that once remained unanswered. It feels good to not let pride stand in the way of what matters...

boo boop be bo boo....

Feels good to be...

Ugh.. my cough returns.

I'm going to bed.
Shelli out.

Fear is what keeps us from attempting that which we think should do. Intuition is what rationalizes why we shouldn't do it. Therefore, if it is to protect what has the potential to harm in such a detrimental manner to shake even the ground upon which we stand... so do you tread lightly ahead and take the risk...? Or take your self in one piece, your pride intact, and feelings safe and tread safely in the other direction...?

What if that which we wish to attempt was sized and boxed right in pretty pink paper with a card that said from "Convenient" and signed at the bottom "at the wrong time". Do you still open the box? Pretty paper and all...? What if you knew for sure that inside was packaged with Swiss chocolate regrets... Turkish Delights of maybes... and a big Toblerone, triangular shaped milk chocolate could've been coating over a nut nuggets with nuts never happened, should've happened, but didn't happen and too late. Each treat with just the right amount of sweetness and creaminess that's expected from European chocolate...

~~~

continue post later.... 9.57 am

~~~