I AM.
therefore...
I am.
that is all.
any questions?
I am.
that is all.
any questions?
~~~
Today was a good day. Also daddy's birthday. SO firstly, happy birthday daddy.
I had fun at work. Of course there are the trying classes, but they weren't that bad. I generally enjoyed them all. I adore my students - all of them... even the miserable ones.
I taught my Form 3's last period. They were restless and unsettled for class.. I tried my best to settle them and try to create some semblance of a class so that i could leave work for the rest of the week (since i'll be at workshops). In the end, they settled long enough for me to get some vocabulary words in, and to give them homework. Two pieces of writing. Yummy. I hope they meditate, and speculate, and concentrate, and all sorts of '...ates' on it... The homework is based on description of people. I believe i've covered enough to send them out into that wilderness and bring me back something fruitful.
~~~
Truth vs. Fact.
I stumbled across this inadvertently with my form 3's.
How ever did this argument go? And which won it?
i remember Ru and i arguing over this... he can't battle it out tonight - seems we're both too tired from work to argue.
I came up with...
This is as good as it's going to get tonight... I can't think any harder on the subject... too sleepy...shelli says:
ok, fact is the barest simplest thing that is an absolute in every right
shelli says:
truth is the application of fact in an opinion
Ru says:
What makes a fact a fact
Ru says:
the same thing that makes a truth a truth
Ru says:
that being that it is widely and generally accepted
Ru says:
Like Liz said last thursday
Ru says:
the fact that liquids turn to gas
Ru says:
is only a fact because they heated water and it evaporated
Ru says:
since something else has yet to happen
Ru says:
then its be accepted as truth and fact
Ru says:
Is fact truth
Ru says:
Is truth fact
Ru says:
truth in itself need only be believed
Ru says:
hence creating a world of truth
Ru says:
in which some things are widely accepted by the majority
Ru says:
hence making it a universal truth
Ru says:
sometimes regarded as a fact
Ru says:
but all in all a fact is a proven truth
Ru says:
whereas a truth is an accepted belief so to speak
Ciao y'all.
Shelli out.
I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
-'Not ready to make nice' Dixie Chicks
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should
-'Not ready to make nice' Dixie Chicks
~~~
So it seems everything compiles itself into a nice formidable stack in the corner. One that can't be ignored. One that very much exists. One that's so untidy it conquers the neatest bone in any body. One that has too much and would take too long to sort through....
So I sit. Opposite from the stack. Of course, it doesn't really solve anything being here. Staring. Looking on. But this way i can control it, make sure it doesn't get any bigger... Or delude myself into believing such a distinction.
The strange thing is the clarity revealed in the whole mess. Before the stack matured to what it has become, the compilation process brought a revelation with every new addition. Each revelation created these waves through the room, resonating against the walls.
So i sit. Uncertain. Has anything really changed? Does this really make a difference? Does it affect the other party relations? What was the intentions of other party? Why does it not all make sense?
Does it really matter?
~~~
I'm still mad as hell and i don't have time to go round and round and round...
Why do i always have these great epiphanies in moments least opportune?
~~~
After all the cuss i cuss, i bought the no-bake cheesecake. I should've taken my money and just bought the sour cream and made the real thing.
I mean.... it's ok.. But it's hardly comparable to the real thing. It's significantly lighter than a baked real cheesecake. It doesn't even solidify, it remains this kind of/sort of gooey mass. And after all the cuss i cuss about making it, i could hardly NOT eat it and not hear the last of it... Perhaps it's psychological and i've convinced myself it can't taste good because it's from a box.... with each grit-teeth smile after each painful bite... Good news.. It's almost finished. How's that for Fear Factor?
~~~
I wrote a nice long post yesterday... and accidentally erased it... and i got upset. And i shall re-write it sometime this week. I've calmed down now.
~~~
I've started working with clay. I did a couple small items so far. A jewel box and a small heart shaped bowl. I shall post some pics on here in due time...
Time for bed. Have work in the morning.
Shelli out.
*deep breath in*
there's just something about the smell of new art supplies...
*clutches book tightly*
I bought a new Daler-Rowney Sketch book. My little black book.
It's 6 by 8.5 inches. I think.
*opens book* *deep breath in*
The delicious scent of brand new... clean pages.... waiting to be worked upon...
This experience takes me back to college. Ms H. had just received the college art supplies order and we were the first class to access the new stash. I christened the Karisma pencil crayons... the nice woodsy scent... each pretty pencil... *sighs contentedly* the smooth goodness on paper....
Erm... upon looking for a picture of Karisma to post here... i found out... they're not made anymore... as of... a good while now.
heh... hmm...
that just killed the moment...
...
Shelli out.
there's just something about the smell of new art supplies...
*clutches book tightly*
I bought a new Daler-Rowney Sketch book. My little black book.
It's 6 by 8.5 inches. I think.
*opens book* *deep breath in*
The delicious scent of brand new... clean pages.... waiting to be worked upon...
This experience takes me back to college. Ms H. had just received the college art supplies order and we were the first class to access the new stash. I christened the Karisma pencil crayons... the nice woodsy scent... each pretty pencil... *sighs contentedly* the smooth goodness on paper....
Erm... upon looking for a picture of Karisma to post here... i found out... they're not made anymore... as of... a good while now.heh... hmm...
that just killed the moment...
...
Shelli out.
The strangest things happen at the most amusing time possible. On the brink of falling asleep, fingers resting tired randomly upon the laptop keys, trying to focus on the images on the screen with the little consciousness left - a vehicle on the main road passes blasting "Crawling" by LP (Linkin Park). Well bout them apples eh? I thought we had closet fans... The few i've stumbled upon don't blast it in the streets... LOL it was nice nearly it. Not one of my favourites by them, but pleasant yet shocking as hell to hear something like that here... up my neck of the woods...
i'm too tired to post anything...
will post for real tmrw...
i'm too tired to post anything...
will post for real tmrw...
~~~
OMG i love my Form 3s... i had class with them.. it was so much fun. *sighs contentedly* They made my day so fulfilling... as i left the class i left with a sense of pride feeling as if i actually taught and they're learning... and their vocabulary is growing... my darlings..
And my Form 1s... i'm most enthusiastic about the work i'm going to be starting next week. I bet they'll love it...
I'm sleepy...
I'm off to bed..
will update in the morning...
OMG i love my Form 3s... i had class with them.. it was so much fun. *sighs contentedly* They made my day so fulfilling... as i left the class i left with a sense of pride feeling as if i actually taught and they're learning... and their vocabulary is growing... my darlings..
And my Form 1s... i'm most enthusiastic about the work i'm going to be starting next week. I bet they'll love it...
I'm sleepy...
I'm off to bed..
will update in the morning...
cyn·ic 
[sin-ik] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
[sin-ik] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun
–adjective
| 1. | a person who believes that only selfishness motivates human actions and who disbelieves in or minimizes selfless acts or disinterested points of view. |
| 2. | (initial capital letter) one of a sect of Greek philosophers, 4th century b.c., who advocated the doctrines that virtue is the only good, that the essence of virtue is self-control, and that surrender to any external influence is beneath human dignity. |
| 3. | a person who shows or expresses a bitterly or sneeringly cynical attitude. |
| 4. | cynical. |
| 5. | (initial capital letter) Also, Cynical. of or pertaining to the Cynics or their doctrines. |
| 6. | Medicine/Medical Now Rare. resembling the actions of a snarling dog. |
[Origin: 1540–50; <>Cynicus <>Kynikós Cynic, lit., doglike, currish, equiv. to kyn- (s. of kýōn) dog + -ikos - ic]
]
—Synonyms 1, 3. skeptic, pessimist, misanthrope.
Dictionary reference 'Cynic'
~~~
It seems now that sleep is synonymous with 'futile effort'.
I'm trying to help Lis organize am impromptu presentation on the Islam faith for tomorrow. Thus, i called the only person i knew could help. Richie. He was to return my call - which he did - as i started running down that runway preparing for lift off for destination 'La La Land'. It's really not his fault... it was 5 in the afternoon...
I'm just so unbelievably sleepy it's not even funny, it's probably hilarious.
~~~
One of the most amusing events happened to me today. The purpose which i serve primarily was lessened, and transferred in such an inconspicuous manner that it's only in post-shock had i realized the transpired events. In retrospect, i sat baffled trying to figure out how did it happen and what logic i should make of it. While the greater part of me that serves for the belief in the greater good in all things tried to discern it into something short of a... let's say... a semi-major trivial mistake... the CYNICAL part is going 'You-have-GOT-to-be-kidding-me?! What sort of genius re-arranges plans like that?!"
The concluding thought was to stop thinking so hard and accept it in the best way possible: re-arrange the plans back to suit... And if the problem arises again, deal with it hands on. I still can't possible perceive how the slightest notion of the such can enter ones mind and lead to a process that shifts and affects things so greatly, and still expect cohesion in the process...unity as a body...acceptance as a rule.
~~~
I taught Form 3A for the first time today. As i took my time, probably a couple minutes late, stepping apprehensively towards the class, my mind was swirling with thoughts tumbling over each other so fast it was difficult to comprehend. (long sentence eh... hmm... which reminds me.. CLOD had a ridiculously long PARAGRAPH sentence) As i stopped right before the class, i took a deep breath and entered.....
......It was awesome. They were an absolute delight to teach. They sat. They listened. They participated. They took notes. They weren't disruptive. They were polite and not particularly rude. The only things that they probably did were very trivial things that lack importance to me. It may be a stretch to say they were diligent - as it was only one class...
But, the important thing is that i feel as if i taught, and more importantly, i feel that my imparted knowledge has been understood. It's all i could really ask for.
I thoroughly enjoyed teaching them.
..................................................................
I also taught the Form 4s for the second time today. I believe today's class was better, not that they're a rowdy bunch. Yesterday, they appeared a bit distracted. Today i tried to get them as involved as possible... Trying to encourage some participation. And they did. Like 3A, I couldn't have asked for a better class to teach today.
I had fun. They had fun (i think). I feel as if i taught, they said they've learned. I'm pleased. I'm as contented as a that always happy looking Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.
Today is one of those days that really make me love my job. That feeling that progress is being made... That small feeling of accomplishment.
~~~
I must post pictures of my Guinea Pig Fonzy. He's such a miserable little critter that derives such great pleasure in creating work for me... that i derive even more pleasure in depriving him/making him work for his treats. *evil laughter*
Just kiddddding... I think. Fonzy is an adorable fuzzy little animal that is rather entertaining with his antics. He's an abyssinian guinea pig, meaning he has these natural "rosettes" or i call them whirlpool swirls in his hair. My Fonzy has about 9 i think. My mum was hellbent on defining each swirl, since it is to my understanding, a show guinea pig must have at least 8 rosettes. NOT that they have guinea pig shows here in Grenada. I've only heard in passing about dog shows here once or twice, and even then it was hardly comparable to the international dog shows.
He loves carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, citrus fruits, sour sop and bananas. He's spoilt and throws Paris Hilton-like tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. By Paris-like tantrums i mean he goes out of his way to unhook and flip his food bowl, along with its contents, onto the sawdust in the cage when he's upset. We've tried numerous things to prevent him from being successful recently by tying the bowl onto the cage with some wires. Everything else, he carefully observed how mom fixed it onto the cage and worked fervently to undo her efforts. This included gnawing at the pieces of cloth, unhooking the bowl by tugging it down the sides to loosen the tension (the bowl is in a \_/ shape so if you get it down a bit, problem solved) and downright ignorant knocking until he was successful. My Fonzy is so smart.
I shall post pictures soon.
~~~
My kids forgot about the launching of Drama today. I forgot to remind them.. Oh well.. there's always next week. That gives me more time to plan our sessions... If i do this right, they shall thoroughly enjoy each session. I'm planning to structure it like our Drama teacher back in college did. In the beginning probably do some sessions involving lots of activity and actual dramatzing... Then perhaps we could do some character development and plot development sheets... then probably some sessions on what this thing called drama really is.. some history behind it.. different theatre styles..
Mr A. was awesome. He was particularly philosophical, enjoyably talkative, enthusiastic about sharing his knowledge, and directly involved with the art on a professional level. At the end of the Mr. A experience one could not come out anything but ...... enlightened. Through him we were given the opportunity to touch what a real performance is like, behind-the-scenes as well as on-stage. We understood the level of creativity, the effort and the dedication it took to put something like that together. At risk of being cliché, the play was a sum of many parts.. There's scriptwriting, costume planning, character development, casting for characters, prop making, and a host of other things... We didn't win the competition, but people loved the play and our performance.
As a Literature student with a mandatory drama section of the course, it helped a great deal to comprehend each drama lesson... Also, some of the A level questions actually cover these things...
*sigh* i miss college..
~~~
'tis all.
A pleased Shelli has left the blog room.
Shelli out.
Ciao y'all
~~~
It seems now that sleep is synonymous with 'futile effort'.
I'm trying to help Lis organize am impromptu presentation on the Islam faith for tomorrow. Thus, i called the only person i knew could help. Richie. He was to return my call - which he did - as i started running down that runway preparing for lift off for destination 'La La Land'. It's really not his fault... it was 5 in the afternoon...
I'm just so unbelievably sleepy it's not even funny, it's probably hilarious.
~~~
One of the most amusing events happened to me today. The purpose which i serve primarily was lessened, and transferred in such an inconspicuous manner that it's only in post-shock had i realized the transpired events. In retrospect, i sat baffled trying to figure out how did it happen and what logic i should make of it. While the greater part of me that serves for the belief in the greater good in all things tried to discern it into something short of a... let's say... a semi-major trivial mistake... the CYNICAL part is going 'You-have-GOT-to-be-kidding-me?! What sort of genius re-arranges plans like that?!"
The concluding thought was to stop thinking so hard and accept it in the best way possible: re-arrange the plans back to suit... And if the problem arises again, deal with it hands on. I still can't possible perceive how the slightest notion of the such can enter ones mind and lead to a process that shifts and affects things so greatly, and still expect cohesion in the process...unity as a body...acceptance as a rule.
~~~
I taught Form 3A for the first time today. As i took my time, probably a couple minutes late, stepping apprehensively towards the class, my mind was swirling with thoughts tumbling over each other so fast it was difficult to comprehend. (long sentence eh... hmm... which reminds me.. CLOD had a ridiculously long PARAGRAPH sentence) As i stopped right before the class, i took a deep breath and entered.....
.........
......It was awesome. They were an absolute delight to teach. They sat. They listened. They participated. They took notes. They weren't disruptive. They were polite and not particularly rude. The only things that they probably did were very trivial things that lack importance to me. It may be a stretch to say they were diligent - as it was only one class...
But, the important thing is that i feel as if i taught, and more importantly, i feel that my imparted knowledge has been understood. It's all i could really ask for.
I thoroughly enjoyed teaching them.
..................................................................
I also taught the Form 4s for the second time today. I believe today's class was better, not that they're a rowdy bunch. Yesterday, they appeared a bit distracted. Today i tried to get them as involved as possible... Trying to encourage some participation. And they did. Like 3A, I couldn't have asked for a better class to teach today.
I had fun. They had fun (i think). I feel as if i taught, they said they've learned. I'm pleased. I'm as contented as a that always happy looking Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland.
Today is one of those days that really make me love my job. That feeling that progress is being made... That small feeling of accomplishment.
~~~
I must post pictures of my Guinea Pig Fonzy. He's such a miserable little critter that derives such great pleasure in creating work for me... that i derive even more pleasure in depriving him/making him work for his treats. *evil laughter*
Just kiddddding... I think. Fonzy is an adorable fuzzy little animal that is rather entertaining with his antics. He's an abyssinian guinea pig, meaning he has these natural "rosettes" or i call them whirlpool swirls in his hair. My Fonzy has about 9 i think. My mum was hellbent on defining each swirl, since it is to my understanding, a show guinea pig must have at least 8 rosettes. NOT that they have guinea pig shows here in Grenada. I've only heard in passing about dog shows here once or twice, and even then it was hardly comparable to the international dog shows.
He loves carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, citrus fruits, sour sop and bananas. He's spoilt and throws Paris Hilton-like tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. By Paris-like tantrums i mean he goes out of his way to unhook and flip his food bowl, along with its contents, onto the sawdust in the cage when he's upset. We've tried numerous things to prevent him from being successful recently by tying the bowl onto the cage with some wires. Everything else, he carefully observed how mom fixed it onto the cage and worked fervently to undo her efforts. This included gnawing at the pieces of cloth, unhooking the bowl by tugging it down the sides to loosen the tension (the bowl is in a \_/ shape so if you get it down a bit, problem solved) and downright ignorant knocking until he was successful. My Fonzy is so smart.
I shall post pictures soon.
~~~
My kids forgot about the launching of Drama today. I forgot to remind them.. Oh well.. there's always next week. That gives me more time to plan our sessions... If i do this right, they shall thoroughly enjoy each session. I'm planning to structure it like our Drama teacher back in college did. In the beginning probably do some sessions involving lots of activity and actual dramatzing... Then perhaps we could do some character development and plot development sheets... then probably some sessions on what this thing called drama really is.. some history behind it.. different theatre styles..
Mr A. was awesome. He was particularly philosophical, enjoyably talkative, enthusiastic about sharing his knowledge, and directly involved with the art on a professional level. At the end of the Mr. A experience one could not come out anything but ...... enlightened. Through him we were given the opportunity to touch what a real performance is like, behind-the-scenes as well as on-stage. We understood the level of creativity, the effort and the dedication it took to put something like that together. At risk of being cliché, the play was a sum of many parts.. There's scriptwriting, costume planning, character development, casting for characters, prop making, and a host of other things... We didn't win the competition, but people loved the play and our performance.
As a Literature student with a mandatory drama section of the course, it helped a great deal to comprehend each drama lesson... Also, some of the A level questions actually cover these things...
*sigh* i miss college..
~~~
'tis all.
A pleased Shelli has left the blog room.
Shelli out.
Ciao y'all
This will be a short post. Today was good. Not nearly half as awkward as i predicted. I feel more inspired than i've been in a while..
Met up with Danielle. 'Twas interesting. I think i may have located a resource.
I'm still going ahead with the other plan.
That's all for now.
Ciao.
Shelli out.
Met up with Danielle. 'Twas interesting. I think i may have located a resource.
I'm still going ahead with the other plan.
That's all for now.
Ciao.
Shelli out.
The chromosome divides, multiply and thrive
And the strong survive, and the strong survive
We're lacking something - good
Something good, yeah
Is this all for nothing?, oh
Good, something good, yeah
-'Darwin' 3EB
And the strong survive, and the strong survive
We're lacking something - good
Something good, yeah
Is this all for nothing?, oh
Good, something good, yeah
-'Darwin' 3EB
~~~
Tomorrow work starts back.
I'm surprisingly enthused at the notion of the routine starting back tomorrow. It means that my life is not just idle with sleep followed by moments consumed with undecided consciousness roaming around until sleep once more seems sensible. What a waste of life.
I'm meeting Danielle tomorrow. Depending on how that meeting goes, i'll be able to tackle this new venture of mine. I shan't utter a word about it yet. I shall not jinx myself... But i'm thoroughly excited. *clasps hands together gleefully*
OoOoOo joy... Fresh beginnings.
I'm going to start backing my bag and stuff for tomorrow.
*skips away clicking feet together occasionally like Fred Flinstone*
and the strong survive... and the strong survive....
Shelli out.
Ciaooozzzzz
Not much of an update. Tomorrow work starts back. Started updating my art blog... need a new camera... or a scanner... the lamenation is reflecting light...
shelli out.
ciao.
shelli out.
ciao.
Fear is what keeps us from attempting that which we think should do. Intuition is what rationalizes why we shouldn't do it. Therefore, if it is to protect what has the potential to harm in such a detrimental manner to shake even the ground upon which we stand... so do you tread lightly ahead and take the risk...? Or take your self in one piece, your pride intact, and feelings safe and tread safely in the other direction...?
What if that which we wish to attempt was sized and boxed right in pretty pink paper with a card that said from "Convenient" and signed at the bottom "at the wrong time". Do you still open the box? Pretty paper and all...? What if you knew for sure that inside was packaged with Swiss chocolate regrets... Turkish Delights of maybes... and a big Toblerone, triangular shaped milk chocolate could've been coating over a nut nuggets with nuts never happened, should've happened, but didn't happen and too late. Each treat with just the right amount of sweetness and creaminess that's expected from European chocolate...
~~~
continue post later.... 9.57 am
~~~
What if that which we wish to attempt was sized and boxed right in pretty pink paper with a card that said from "Convenient" and signed at the bottom "at the wrong time". Do you still open the box? Pretty paper and all...? What if you knew for sure that inside was packaged with Swiss chocolate regrets... Turkish Delights of maybes... and a big Toblerone, triangular shaped milk chocolate could've been coating over a nut nuggets with nuts never happened, should've happened, but didn't happen and too late. Each treat with just the right amount of sweetness and creaminess that's expected from European chocolate...
~~~
continue post later.... 9.57 am
~~~
...The beat goes on, the beat goes on
La de da de de, la de da de da
-'The beat goes on' Cher
~~~
I finished my lesson plans last night. Yippee!!
~~~
Today is the last day of World Cup Cricket in Grenada. That makes work on Monday a reality. It also highlights how ridiculous it is that i'm home.
Today should be a day of celebration in town.
Yet I'm home.. scanning through my contact numbers on my cellie looking for an ideal someone to go and stray with.. I've gone to the beach for the past two days straight.. Why not go again today? Who do i know that would be willing to go to the beach with me...?
Mum has declined my offer. Thus, i need to decide quickly and find alternative means of transportation.. 20 minutes to 5... i can't make it... By the time i get to Grand Anse and deliberate as to where i want to go... it'll be dark out.
OR, i could go help Richie and Brendon sell drinks... Richie did say i do well for the aesthetics of the place. LOL. hmmm... i wonder.. hmm...
Or i could stay home... and do nothing...
I could draw. AHA! I could go by Richie and Brendon and sketch their customers. Capture the essence of what it looks like to be drunk and happy... lol...
hmm... i have to call steph... find out how she's coping... what the report has to say...
Or i could... find someone to call... and relieve my mind of this restlessness.
*sigh*
Shelli out.
La de da de de, la de da de da
-'The beat goes on' Cher
~~~
I finished my lesson plans last night. Yippee!!
~~~
Today is the last day of World Cup Cricket in Grenada. That makes work on Monday a reality. It also highlights how ridiculous it is that i'm home.
Today should be a day of celebration in town.
Yet I'm home.. scanning through my contact numbers on my cellie looking for an ideal someone to go and stray with.. I've gone to the beach for the past two days straight.. Why not go again today? Who do i know that would be willing to go to the beach with me...?
Mum has declined my offer. Thus, i need to decide quickly and find alternative means of transportation.. 20 minutes to 5... i can't make it... By the time i get to Grand Anse and deliberate as to where i want to go... it'll be dark out.
OR, i could go help Richie and Brendon sell drinks... Richie did say i do well for the aesthetics of the place. LOL. hmmm... i wonder.. hmm...
Or i could stay home... and do nothing...
I could draw. AHA! I could go by Richie and Brendon and sketch their customers. Capture the essence of what it looks like to be drunk and happy... lol...
hmm... i have to call steph... find out how she's coping... what the report has to say...
Or i could... find someone to call... and relieve my mind of this restlessness.
*sigh*
Shelli out.
45 minutes to midnight...
And what am i doing?
I'm sitting on the floor, partially on the heel of one bent leg and my chin resting on top of the other knee that's upright. I was hunched over some law photocopies i made last year... Every page i turned, every word i looked at said "Shell, you know this... you can do this". Yeah, I'm sure i can. I just need to get my head on straight.
Once more i'm feeling that overwhelming feeling that feels a lot like i'm looking for an out. By an out, i mean, i'm looking for freedom. By looking for freedom, i mean, i'm trying to take a break and sort my mind out.
Sort out the priorities... put them in ascending order... I'm not confused, i'm just overwhelmed. Not in the way that would put the whole world to a halt, but in the way that would make my world spin horribly slower... Slower than i could possibly tolerate... Slower than i would like.
I just need a moment.. to breathe, stretch, shake it all off. Like i said sort through my priorities... There's just so many things i want to get on stream right now. So many things i want to get started. I look around me and i see people going so much faster, reaching their goals that much faster.
But i realize, not everyone shares the same goals.. Reaches their destinations at the same time.. Travels the same paths..
For once it feels like whilst i'm on the scenic route... and right now i'm crawling... It feels like i'm moving. For once, it feels like i'm moving... And as Shamz would say 'One must always be movin' and movin' for if you ain't movin' you ain't goin anywhere'... And whilst it's going slowly..
I'm gradually getting comfortable... and i'm crawling by myself.. and one must crawl before you can stand and walk right?
As of next semester, i shall be taking on some English classes to teach. I've been fumbling in my confidence as to whether i'm competent when deep down i know i'm capable.. it's just these butterflies... It's just that its been so long since i've been in an English class.. it's just that although my grades report otherwise, i thought it was amongst the most boring classes i've taken and paid the least attention in... I know i can do this...
I can do it.. It's just that i would've preferred this opportunity to have landed when my law exams wasn't smack in the midst of it all..
Oh well... i'm a survivor.. I can handle my bizz... I've tackled worse before...
I can totally do this.
~~~
Oh.. JOE FINALLY SENT ME THE PICS... Little wretch... Now i just have to work on Ryan to send me my updated pics of him and his chick.
I went to the beach again.. 'Twas mum, Roxy (my neighbour) and myself. Not as many tourists as yesterday.. But still quite an unusual bit.
That's all...
Shelli out.
Ciao
And what am i doing?
I'm sitting on the floor, partially on the heel of one bent leg and my chin resting on top of the other knee that's upright. I was hunched over some law photocopies i made last year... Every page i turned, every word i looked at said "Shell, you know this... you can do this". Yeah, I'm sure i can. I just need to get my head on straight.
Once more i'm feeling that overwhelming feeling that feels a lot like i'm looking for an out. By an out, i mean, i'm looking for freedom. By looking for freedom, i mean, i'm trying to take a break and sort my mind out.
Sort out the priorities... put them in ascending order... I'm not confused, i'm just overwhelmed. Not in the way that would put the whole world to a halt, but in the way that would make my world spin horribly slower... Slower than i could possibly tolerate... Slower than i would like.
I just need a moment.. to breathe, stretch, shake it all off. Like i said sort through my priorities... There's just so many things i want to get on stream right now. So many things i want to get started. I look around me and i see people going so much faster, reaching their goals that much faster.
But i realize, not everyone shares the same goals.. Reaches their destinations at the same time.. Travels the same paths..
For once it feels like whilst i'm on the scenic route... and right now i'm crawling... It feels like i'm moving. For once, it feels like i'm moving... And as Shamz would say 'One must always be movin' and movin' for if you ain't movin' you ain't goin anywhere'... And whilst it's going slowly..
I'm gradually getting comfortable... and i'm crawling by myself.. and one must crawl before you can stand and walk right?
- I want to get this art thing launched.
- I want to get my Drama club launched.
- I want to do well in this law exam, and hopefully, won't pay the price of my procrastination and all the fooling around i've done.
- I want to be a more assertive teacher... and i want to come up with some brilliant plans to keep my kids interested... I hate walking around with this uncertainty, just feeling things out. I want to leave my kids with a passion for the subject... I want them to leave the classroom being touched as i have by all the teachers i have sat before... I want them to walk into this world filled with so much hope and inspiration that they confidently step forward and embrace each obstacle they encounter... i want them to be empowered... Is that too much?
- I want to manage my time better.
- I want to eat much healthier than i do.
- I want to develop better sleeping habits.
- I want to learn sign language.
- I want to read much more than i do...
As of next semester, i shall be taking on some English classes to teach. I've been fumbling in my confidence as to whether i'm competent when deep down i know i'm capable.. it's just these butterflies... It's just that its been so long since i've been in an English class.. it's just that although my grades report otherwise, i thought it was amongst the most boring classes i've taken and paid the least attention in... I know i can do this...
I can do it.. It's just that i would've preferred this opportunity to have landed when my law exams wasn't smack in the midst of it all..
Oh well... i'm a survivor.. I can handle my bizz... I've tackled worse before...
I can totally do this.
~~~
Oh.. JOE FINALLY SENT ME THE PICS... Little wretch... Now i just have to work on Ryan to send me my updated pics of him and his chick.
I went to the beach again.. 'Twas mum, Roxy (my neighbour) and myself. Not as many tourists as yesterday.. But still quite an unusual bit.
That's all...
Shelli out.
Ciao
... get clarity.
There is nothing worse than leaving a complicated situation with a whole lot of information and opinions. Overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions AND still be confused. One must seek clarity.. so that at the end of it all, one can be as annoyed as they like, happy as they like, sad as they like - but guaranteed that confusion shall not be an emotion felt.
~~~
Well... It seems that coming down to the end I'm catching this 'World Cup Fever'. I don't even watch/like cricket. I don't even understand the simplest concept of the game beyond the 30 second attention span/tolerance i have for it - no matter how many times i try to understand.
Ok that may be an exaggeration... I don't really like any sport unless i'm playing it/ or a part of it...
Yet i found myself walking towards the stadium with my parents... All excited and what not... I must admit it was quite fun. I believe the television makes it look boring. It's a whole different experience when you're witnessing the sport firsthand at the stadium - the cricketers are closer, the ground looks smaller, you realize that glass wall that they stand by on TV when giving awards is this impromptu portable partition ON the field (i'm sure other people who cared a bit more than myself already knew it was on the field..)... BUT its fun. We did the Mexican Wave... It was hilarious the last time it was attempted. These people at the lower portion kept trying to start the wave and everyone was looking at them like *perks eyebrow* "Didn't we just do like 3 round of this 15 minutes ago?" and sat and watched them. LOL...
When the first set of waves started.. it was like the people had no brakes. Just kept going round and round the stadium. 'Twas fun. LOL.. And the clapping. And the Posse/Party stand looked like fun. I saw Mello the mascot through the binoculars, he was in that stand.
The tourists were probably the most entertaining. Not in the offensive, i'm-being-condescending-way but in the they-looked-like-people-having-fun kind of way. Uninhibited, good clean fun. It's always lovely to see people enjoy themselves. More so, when coincidentally the locale happens to be your own country.
That was Saturday's (14th April) game.
I wanna do it again.
~~~
Of course before i venture once more into the land of entertainment and Mexican Waves, I must prepare for work next week.
I'm just a-bubbling-over with enthusiasm and excitement at the mere thought of work. yay. -.-"
I must finish my lesson plans. Must come up with a new strategy to get the kids to learn.
I've decided to try a new disciplinary technique. I like to call it Project Little Red Book. With this delightful little book, i plan to record all the bad activity of my students - that is, if they go out of their way to be disobedient - along with the date. Post-idea, i realized that my kids aren't that bad. They're just children. They behave like children. *sigh* My book might be a wasted venture. Hmm... i'm almost disappointed. How 'bout them apples eh?
I better change topic before i start gushing about how angelic my kids are...
This is what happens when you go on vacation. You forget how miserable they were :P. Just Kidding.
~~~
Mum and I went to the beach today. Grand Anse had a nice crowd... as did BBC, which we went to. It was filled with tourists - male tourists, and a few families. I suspect some of them were actually cricketers.
It's so weird - not in a bad way - seeing so many tourists around. It's not like how you usual see them mainly in town and Grand Anse, they're like... all over.
Hmmm... I imagine that sounds quite obvious and expected as it IS World Cup Cricket and all.. but hmm... it's seems the classic cliche, you've gotta see it to believe it..
The beach was fun.
Haven't done that in a while.
I'm going to sleep.
Getting up around 3 am to get a headstart on transcribing some notes from Steff's textbook.
Shelli out.
Ciao.
There is nothing worse than leaving a complicated situation with a whole lot of information and opinions. Overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions AND still be confused. One must seek clarity.. so that at the end of it all, one can be as annoyed as they like, happy as they like, sad as they like - but guaranteed that confusion shall not be an emotion felt.
~~~
Well... It seems that coming down to the end I'm catching this 'World Cup Fever'. I don't even watch/like cricket. I don't even understand the simplest concept of the game beyond the 30 second attention span/tolerance i have for it - no matter how many times i try to understand.
Ok that may be an exaggeration... I don't really like any sport unless i'm playing it/ or a part of it...
Yet i found myself walking towards the stadium with my parents... All excited and what not... I must admit it was quite fun. I believe the television makes it look boring. It's a whole different experience when you're witnessing the sport firsthand at the stadium - the cricketers are closer, the ground looks smaller, you realize that glass wall that they stand by on TV when giving awards is this impromptu portable partition ON the field (i'm sure other people who cared a bit more than myself already knew it was on the field..)... BUT its fun. We did the Mexican Wave... It was hilarious the last time it was attempted. These people at the lower portion kept trying to start the wave and everyone was looking at them like *perks eyebrow* "Didn't we just do like 3 round of this 15 minutes ago?" and sat and watched them. LOL...
When the first set of waves started.. it was like the people had no brakes. Just kept going round and round the stadium. 'Twas fun. LOL.. And the clapping. And the Posse/Party stand looked like fun. I saw Mello the mascot through the binoculars, he was in that stand.
The tourists were probably the most entertaining. Not in the offensive, i'm-being-condescending-way but in the they-looked-like-people-having-fun kind of way. Uninhibited, good clean fun. It's always lovely to see people enjoy themselves. More so, when coincidentally the locale happens to be your own country.
That was Saturday's (14th April) game.
I wanna do it again.
~~~
Of course before i venture once more into the land of entertainment and Mexican Waves, I must prepare for work next week.
I'm just a-bubbling-over with enthusiasm and excitement at the mere thought of work. yay. -.-"
I must finish my lesson plans. Must come up with a new strategy to get the kids to learn.
I've decided to try a new disciplinary technique. I like to call it Project Little Red Book. With this delightful little book, i plan to record all the bad activity of my students - that is, if they go out of their way to be disobedient - along with the date. Post-idea, i realized that my kids aren't that bad. They're just children. They behave like children. *sigh* My book might be a wasted venture. Hmm... i'm almost disappointed. How 'bout them apples eh?
I better change topic before i start gushing about how angelic my kids are...
This is what happens when you go on vacation. You forget how miserable they were :P. Just Kidding.
~~~
Mum and I went to the beach today. Grand Anse had a nice crowd... as did BBC, which we went to. It was filled with tourists - male tourists, and a few families. I suspect some of them were actually cricketers.
It's so weird - not in a bad way - seeing so many tourists around. It's not like how you usual see them mainly in town and Grand Anse, they're like... all over.
Hmmm... I imagine that sounds quite obvious and expected as it IS World Cup Cricket and all.. but hmm... it's seems the classic cliche, you've gotta see it to believe it..
The beach was fun.
Haven't done that in a while.
I'm going to sleep.
Getting up around 3 am to get a headstart on transcribing some notes from Steff's textbook.
Shelli out.
Ciao.
Je te presente.... my widget!! Yummy.
Or as Kegan would say "New widget, rude".
Or as Kegan would say "New widget, rude".
Bop's b-day was today. 'Twas good n' fun. I'm sleepy. Good Night.
If i'm just bad news, then you're a liar.
-TBS 'You're so last summer'
-TBS 'You're so last summer'
~~~
How was MIGfest? HMmmm....
In all honesty, for me, it was all about the experience in its entirety rather than the festival. And... if i'm to say that, as i just did, it's only fair to start this story from the night before.
We had the final night-before-performance meeting, Wednesday. The Writers Association of Grenada.. yummy... sounds so professional. We met at the Complex in the Botanical Gardens.. Just deciding on what pieces we shall perform...
On the walk down to the Gardens was.... Me, Akil, Bop (Liz), Shamz(Cemal) and Joachim. It was hilarious. We were singing and dancing the whole way down. Halfway there, Joachim and I started Square Dancing to the drums. Akil and i started singing.
By the time we made it to the gardens, everything was finished. Bop then had an epiphany to go to Foodland for Biscreme cookies. As in... walk VERY far in the opposite direction of the bus terminal for cookies... As in... the sun already SET and we have to start timing the buses, to go look for cookies.
Well it was fun. Akil and I sang the whole way there, random songs from Betty Wright, Mariah Carey, Lauren Hill, Beyonce, Alanis Morisette and Natalie Imbruglia. Upon arrival, much to our dismay, after the long as hell journey - FOODLAND WAS CLOSED.
So we turned and walked back. Well, atleast we got to walk Port side across the Lagoon to get to the Carenage. I haven't done that in a while. Reminded me of college. As we walked past, it dawned on me how much has changed since i left.
At first, i couldn't fathom not being there anymore. Initially, I was disappointed at work because i felt i reached a stump in my growth. After being surrounded by so many minds with just... all this information.. Like my Lit teacher... I can't think of a topic he DOESN'T know about.. Being in his class, front row center, pen poised in hand ready to scribble every word that leaves his mouth because his classes were that enlightening... To even my CAS(C'bean Studies)/History teacher. Set in his ways, a radical perhaps, but he had a method to his madness that revolutionized the way i saw some things... i thought i knew. And Drama.. Oh my lord.. The most quirky man on campus. He even just looked unique. His tales of his experiences, and the knowledge and doors that he opened to us as students... one could hardly leave a session feeling anything but enlightened... And my Law teachers.. wow... they made me love Law. And my first year History teacher had this passion for teaching, this sincerity in the way she interacted with her students... She gave you all sides of the story and let you write the ending... She taught me to develop my own opinion and be confident in it... Those words "I can't" and the expectation to have the last paragraph dictated to you, was due to fear... and the realization that you're learning and you ARE a part of this process...this thing called learning... And my Art teacher. Wow. I had a strong dislike for her at first. I believe it was mutual.. But then overtime i realized she was just pushing me to reach my full potential. She shock-treated me out of my skin and got me out of this play-it-safe mode i was in with art. She changed my approach.. Made me see things differently.. She's so sincere... I adored speaking with her.. she helped me get my job..and helped so much since... as did my first year His. teacher and Lit teacher... I loved my teachers... i got them all thank you tokens when i left.. it doesn't feel like enough.. *sigh* I aspire to someday be able to affect my students way of thinking, as they did mine... *sigh* I miss college...
And as fate would have it... As my year left, they put up proper fences, fixed up the facilities... We were the Ivan class of 2006. Class of closed moldy rooms (designed to be primarily using A.C.) with water dripping from the ceiling with no air conditioning.. Class of constantly shifting your desk around so as to not get wet INdoors from water dripping through the ceiling because its raining outside.. Class of searching for an available room for class. My, what an experience. Now they even have proper ID cards. NOT these flimsy laminated paper things.
P.S. Don't get me wrong.. I adore my staff now... i've met my fair share of enlightening people there. I've learned so much more from.. i'm learning so much more...
*sigh*
Back to my story..
We ended up at Andalls.. to replenish my Cup Noodles stock. Reluctantly Akil and I, stretched out our hands, succumbing to our latest addiction... the all new low.. of noodles in a cup. After all the cuss i cuss to Ryan about his junk food habits when he visited...
We bounced into a member of WAG that coincidentally assists with the running of Deyna's City Inn... She insisted on a tour. It's really a beautiful place. The restaurant has the most delightful painting. It's a Grenadian setting... The lights just add to the already cozy setting. The rooms are gorgeous. Each named after a parish. Each Individually decorated so that no two are alike. And.... we christened their stage. We (the group) presented bits and pieces of our work to a small impromptu audience. At first i was nervous, but then it was nothing. I loved it... We loved it..
As for MIGfest.. all it was was an experience. It was disorganized, poorly advertised, and almost a waste of our time. I saw almost because it was an opportunity for us to get a feel of the stage, to present and prepare our work and touch other people, a chance to develop ourselves, a chance to take something seriously... I was so nervous i forgot my two memorized poems. Due to time restraints with other acts, we cut it back to one each per person... When i got on the stage, it all came back to me... I was in another world. I read 'The Snail'... I was, the snail. I had one shot to get it right.. and i did my best... Some of the members said that people really liked my poem, how i read it... that when i walked off people said 'that was (actually) good'.. I felt good. I also felt the whoosh of air out of my the second i got off the stage though.. nearly collapsed.
Ru was sick. He missed all of these moments.. But he's healed now. Didn't infect the rest of us with his cold virus.
Overall, we all did good for our first time. Everyone did great. I realized at the last meeting how well the other members write. They feel what they write, they convey their emotions well.. and it's not cheesy and frivilous 3rd grade writing. It's the kind that makes you sit back and go... "Dang..!" *eyes widen in awe* "I feel honoured to be a part of this..."
...
That was all.
I hope we do it again soon.
Shelli out.
Beware... she swears...
but it's some good poetry...
amen to that...
hmm...
Shelli out.
but it's some good poetry...
amen to that...
hmm...
Shelli out.
I am
Terrified of all things
Frightened of the dark
I am
You are
Taller than a mountain
Deeper than the sea
You are
Hold me
Hold me
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely
I was
Closer to you back then
I was happier
I was
You are
Fading further from me
Why don't you come home
To me
Hold me
Hold me
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely
I am, I am
Cold
Hold me
-"Hold me" Weezer
Terrified of all things
Frightened of the dark
I am
You are
Taller than a mountain
Deeper than the sea
You are
Hold me
Hold me
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely
I was
Closer to you back then
I was happier
I was
You are
Fading further from me
Why don't you come home
To me
Hold me
Hold me
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely
I am, I am
Cold
Hold me
-"Hold me" Weezer
~~~
Don't we all wish i really had an update?
I'm listening to Panic at the Disco! 'Time to dance'... Hence the title of this post.
It feels like i'm forcing an issue... And i don't know where i am.. and what to do... hmm... just leave it alone... not every question needs an answer... it can lie there open ended...
Tomorrow is the M.I.G.fest performance... It's so weird.. I'm not even nervous at the thought of performing MY personal poetry... I finally see myself as part of the group - worthy and part of the group. Everyone is soo good.. and for once.. i see myself as part of that collective group of everyone. I can do this..
And i'm never felt more alone... and i... never felt so alive - 3eb 'Motorcycle driveby
So we're finally doing it.. tomorrow...
I honestly finally feel like i'm making progress in my life.. like i'm making movements. I can feel me growing. I can see the progress.. It's slow steps.. But each painstakingly slow step is at least oNe step closer to where i want to be... One step closer to where i want to be..
~~~
I'm craving some conversation... the kind you get lost within... that feels so good to the soul... I started a potential one earlier with *gasp* Khamal
Perhaps... it's sleep i really need... effects of exhaustion... dehydration.. i'm going.. really...
~~~
When i say shotgun- you say wedding
shotgun - wedding
shotgun - wedding.
You're pulling the trigger all wrong...
And at this point...
Shelli out.
Time for another Alanis moment...
You've been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hand
I can't go to you for consolation
Cause we're off limits during this transition
This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can't stop bumping into things
I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
Thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken
Now with post-demise at hand
I can't go to you for consolation
Cause we're off limits during this transition
This grief overwhelms me
It burns in my stomach
And I can't stop bumping into things
I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
Thought we'd be limitless together
I thought we'd be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken
So this is much much harder than i previously thought.
The hunt for the perfect template that's original yet free.. whilst simultaneously going 'i can do this myself' and trying to come up with a brilliant idea that epitomizes the voice of DPWI. I'm uncertain as to which is the more difficult task...
I think finally i'm developing a voice for DPWI that's my own. I was struggling to get her standing.. but i think she's almost standing upright now.. almost. I'm getting where i'd like to be. Delightful.
~~~
Who ever thought things would progress in such a manner? Supposed to be a business student.. Hurricane thwarted all my best laid plans.. became a law student, and fell in love with it... now i'm an art teacher.
I still want to do law..
There are some doors being presented to me that i can't help go and knock on... So many opportunities to develop myself - not just for law, but for life.
World Cup Cricket shall be here next week i believe. During that time there shall be a series of activities.. the M.I.G. fest(ivals)... by M.I.G. i mean, Made In Grenada.
Some friends and I are a part of W.A.G. (Writers Association of Grenada).. and we're getting some air time at the festival to read some of our work, i.e, poetry and short stories. I'm nervous, i'm excited, i'm happy. Hopefully i do just fine.. hopefully we all do fine and pull off a good performance.
I'll be presenting my pieces "Hits and Misses" and "The snail"..
Perhaps i shall post it online sometime soon.
That's all for updates.
OH we're on vacation now.
C'est tout.
Ciao.
The hunt for the perfect template that's original yet free.. whilst simultaneously going 'i can do this myself' and trying to come up with a brilliant idea that epitomizes the voice of DPWI. I'm uncertain as to which is the more difficult task...
I think finally i'm developing a voice for DPWI that's my own. I was struggling to get her standing.. but i think she's almost standing upright now.. almost. I'm getting where i'd like to be. Delightful.
~~~
Who ever thought things would progress in such a manner? Supposed to be a business student.. Hurricane thwarted all my best laid plans.. became a law student, and fell in love with it... now i'm an art teacher.
I still want to do law..
There are some doors being presented to me that i can't help go and knock on... So many opportunities to develop myself - not just for law, but for life.
World Cup Cricket shall be here next week i believe. During that time there shall be a series of activities.. the M.I.G. fest(ivals)... by M.I.G. i mean, Made In Grenada.
Some friends and I are a part of W.A.G. (Writers Association of Grenada).. and we're getting some air time at the festival to read some of our work, i.e, poetry and short stories. I'm nervous, i'm excited, i'm happy. Hopefully i do just fine.. hopefully we all do fine and pull off a good performance.
I'll be presenting my pieces "Hits and Misses" and "The snail"..
Perhaps i shall post it online sometime soon.
That's all for updates.
OH we're on vacation now.
C'est tout.
Ciao.
or not.
~~~
I'm too tired to post properly tonight. In essence, we sat on the Square...Liz, Danielle, Mitchy and myself... spoke about teaching strategies, frustrations, etc... 'twas lovely. We're thinking of doing it often... umm speak more in the morning.. in conclusion... YOU TUBE ALANIS
gotta love me some Alanis.
The song that turned the night around.
~~~
I'm too tired to post properly tonight. In essence, we sat on the Square...Liz, Danielle, Mitchy and myself... spoke about teaching strategies, frustrations, etc... 'twas lovely. We're thinking of doing it often... umm speak more in the morning.. in conclusion... YOU TUBE ALANIS
gotta love me some Alanis.
The song that turned the night around.
You Oughta Know.
(Trust me... you should)
(Trust me... you should)
