Don't play with it

♫....See boo...♫

♫....I would leave the world 'fore I leave you..♫

♫.....I got...I got... I got your back boy.......♫

So this has been the most interesting week. The irony is that I'm inspired. The sad part is that my grades don't seem to be reflecting it.

So it started off on a sour note, and in retrospect it seemed like I endeavored everyone to join me in the pity party I was hosting. Fortunately, I don't like attending other people's pity parties and nor do my friends. So one of them, in not so sympathetic terms told me exactly what I should do with my pity aspirations and ran me. I took offense, but now, I realize they were right.

Every moment you spend being depressed and unhappy, is a moment you can spend otherwise inspired, happy, doing something productive, working towards your dreams, etc.

So... I've had some time to cool down and do some reflection.

I started thinking seriously about my life again. What would I like to be doing ideally? Who would the ideal me be with, what sort of friends would I have, what goals would I want to achieve, etc... They say the first step to being successful is to create the idea of the ideal person you'd like to be down to the colour he/she paints their nails if he/she paints their nails at all. And then, become that person.

So I thought about my ideal major and what I would like to do... And I found myself wishing that if SGU offered a Communications program that it would be more along the lines of what I'd want ideally as opposed to an English Degree. Then that whole walk with purpose, collide with destiny thing happened.

That is, I went to my last Lit class the next day and the prof told us that she's trying to launch a Communications track under Liberal Studies and we should be able to do a semester abroad with the possibility of interning with CNN, Disney World, etc... Now, it's not written in stone... But SGU has become that much more a tolerable place for me. And the idea couldn't have presented itself at a more receptive moment.

Now, I can actually say I have something that I'm happy to work towards...

***

For less important news, I'm annoyed and frustrated and I should probably just go sleep. But I can't, because I have an essay due tomorrow that needs to be finished (and started). Double stupes.

I conclude, I don't have to take this. I already foresee this whole holiday weekend not just flying by the way I would like, but dragging me through each borderline intolerable/painful/boring/nostalgic moment like Christmas... and 10 years from now I'll still be complaining about it at every and any given opportunity but by then I could say it's over and done with and perhaps some of my annoyance would've ebbed away - I doubt, but one can hope. Hopefully I won't end up repeating it every year, and being in this same situation every year. Stupes. Know what? Promise to self - my birthday will not suck. I am determined to enjoy it regardless. I'm going to start planning from now.. Hmph.. Three cheers for celebration.

 I'm going to party. I'm going to bake a cake. I'm going to celebrate with friends. I'm going to wear a cute dress - or something cute. I'm going to buy myself a celebratory cocktail the night and a pina colada (yes I know that's a cocktail too) during the course of the day. I will not allow myself to be disappointed in any way, shape or form. It's going to be epic.

Know what? I can do better than that... first rule of avoiding disappointment, lower your expectations.

However, all for now, I reserve the right to be annoyed. And I shall continue to be annoyed for the next couple minutes until I obliterate all annoying thought with my essay. Until I fall asleep and hopefully it shall not assault me in my dreams...

I ♥ you know who... Suddenly annoyed.

Shelli out.
Deuce, it's been real.

"I think I need a bottle with a genie in it."
-Ray J "One wish"

***

I hate making decisions. I especially hate making final decisions.

I hate how they have consequences. *shudder* Why must there be consequences?

I hate how they are so absolute.

I hate how they change things and colour them black OR white... no allowances for shades of gray.

I hate following through even though I'm still riddled with uncertainty.
I hate having final consequences.

***


Yesterday was horrible. I kept finding myself in positions and looking at it going... "Wow... I don't want this right now, right in this moment" and not wanting to say it because while I'm certain I can't deal with it right now, I might be able to deal with it in the future... And I'm scared that a consequence would be a permanent closure on these doors lest I say "I'm done.. I'm through."

It was so sad... Everything that I thought I knew. Everything that I thought wanted. Everything that I was accustomed to for so long... I was looking at it as an observer, rather than me in the situation, and thinking "What am I doing?"


***

Seems I've fallen in love with the r&b genre recently... Yummy.

Party like a rock star,
Kick a little ass...
"So cal loco" Sprung Munkey

***

My birthday was quiet. As you'd expect a birthday that falls on a Thursday. I went with mommy to that new Bagel place on Maurice Bishop Highway. Then on Friday, Adri, Ru and myself went to Rituals and we got this hella HUGE slice of literally towering chocolate mousse cake. Then Greg, Che and umm... another friend of Ru's stopped by and chilled with us for a bit. OHH and the same Friday we passed by Karma to collect some invites and the After-work Friday party that they host now was in session.. I believe Adri is ready for the experience.

The Saturday we went to Karma. We got one of those VIP rooms downstairs. It was awesome. I had a lot of fun.

***

Right now I'm in Trinidad with my parents for a pre-lude to a convention in Brazil.

Yummy.

I shall update and post pics later.

Shelli out.

Yesterday was my birthday.

It was quiet. I guess that is what you get when your birthday can't even fall on convenient work day... it's like being the almost middle child.

Anyways, what did I do? I came to work. I invigilated exams. I ran away early. Hung out with random friends.

I think the after effects of the alcohol lingers... I feel drowsy.

I'm at work now. So I shall try and type up something proper later on.

Ciao

As usual, all the usual amazing ideas come as after thoughts much much later when it wouldn't make a difference... such as the lovely set up of the house, the layout of the bar area (compliments to Russel), the layout of the food and such and such.

The surprise was at risk of becoming revealed because daddy came home early by accident. Fortunately, mom posted him back out and he didn't realize what was going on... at least not to the extent of "Hey they're throwing me a party!"

Nata came over. She was quite helpful, helping mum to serve the soup and such. Farie is back from the States, she'll be going to SGU come next semester I believe. Russel did a lovely job at the bar, I believe he set a precedent. Roxie brought up Nazzy...she's such a cutie pie.

All in all the party was good. There was food. There were people. There was music. There were blessings. There was laughter. There were cameras flashing...

...I believe...
Happy people...
Keep the world... stepping... grooving.... dancing....


***

I'm hungry. I want something sweet.... like cake.

Mmmm... birthday cake.

***


***

Shelli out for now.
I'm going to sleep...
...and steal birthday cake from the fridge.